


viva la revolución

by ultraviolentae



Series: viva la revolución series [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Class Differences, Denial of Feelings, Eventual Smut, Light Angst, M/M, Non-Explicit, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Science Fiction, Slow Burn, Trials, bunch of mental and physical examinations, this is only part 1 of the entire fic btw #rip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2019-09-28 01:56:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 71,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17173634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultraviolentae/pseuds/ultraviolentae
Summary: People shouldn't be afraid of their government. Governments should be afraid of their people.





	1. hope is the last to die

**Author's Note:**

  * For [brbabe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/brbabe/gifts), [produce101all](https://archiveofourown.org/users/produce101all/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ❝ For them it is enough to find any one hypothesis about a matter; then they get fired up about it and think that puts an end to it. For them, to have an opinion means to get fanatical about it and cherish it in their hearts henceforth as a conviction. If a matter is unexplained, they become excited at the first notion resembling an explanation that enters their brain; this always has the worst consequences, especially in the realm of politics. ❞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hewoo welcome back markhyuckzens!! This is going to be a long longg project and i'm super excited to write it, i hope you guys like it just as much ^^
> 
> (ships will be added onto the tags as they appear because i hate spoiling people, plus it'll revolve around markhyuck anyways)
> 
> (im also still editing this sorry for typos or awkward phrases)

 

 

 

> _Humans have, and always will, strive for more power. We as species seem to never be satisfied with our lives in some way or another. It's in our blood, in fact, it seems to be in our DNA itself._  
>  _Some are born with power, the rich of course those have always belong to a category of their own. A higher society unachievable to most. The disparities between those who have not reached the desired wealth in their lifetime and those who are born to rich families have grown wider regardless of all the efforts against it over centuries._  
>  _However, money brought something even bigger to the worldwide picture. It opened the doors to genetic mutation — something researchers thought to be impossible — and, just like any new discovery, at first it was promised to be used only for therapeutic ends. Everyone knew that would not last, it's human nature after all._  
>  _Humans always want more. Humans strive to reach perfection. Humans disregard the idea of impossibility, and that might be a good thing for it encourages progress._  
>  _Or it might create disaster._  
>  _Most times, it does._

 

 

* * *

 

  
**M** other had always told him that he should be grateful for the life he was granted with, but how grateful can you be when you're born to be the average section of society, where you're better than some, but never good enough?

Donghyuck was grateful for many things, for his family and friends, but he wasn't grateful for the society he had been born in.

Since very little, Donghyuck had taken interest in History. Most books had been taken away by the government to prevent people from spreading ideas that did not fit their ideals, but there were still many that had managed to make it through the censorship. Once he hit the age where he could understand what the weird squiggles on paper meant, the boy had begun drowning himself in the knowledge behind them. He wished to understand the world better, and to understand how it had come to such an extreme.

By pure luck, maybe destiny, he came across an old book that looked to be more than two hundred years old. He scanned the pages senselessly, the excitement ran through his veins as he read about the society that he so much longed for. A society where there were no ranks, where people would try to help others and go against their selfish human nature. He knew no society could be perfect, but while reading that book, Donghyuck couldn't help but ask himself 'How has the world changed to this extent?'.

How had they gone from helping one another the best they could, to focusing solemnly on their differences and giving each human a status simply by the information laid out in their genes?

It bugged him, but above all, Donghyuck couldn't help but long for a future where he'd feel equal to all.

 

 

 

"I've heard that they can choose how perceptive the embryo can be to the five senses now. Kinda like in those movies where they can smell someone from ten meters away or some bullshit like that." Jeno blurts out of the blue as they walk to their next class. "Wish that had been possible before i was born."

"Idiot, if it were, you wouldn't be here. They would've chosen someone else entirely."

"That's true..." His friend chuckles and then, as he plays with his dark locks by twirling it on his index, turns to Donghyuck with a big grin. "Mom actually wanted to choose one that had white hair, but the doctors said that that egg had too many risks of diseases and so the cool hair colour was not worth it to them. But imagine a person similar to me but with blonde hair. That'd be awesome."

"White hair? Albino?" Donghyuck asks and Jeno hums. "That's totally not worth it, it comes with too many cons. Just dye your hair and be glad you were born with low chances of catching most diseases."

Jeno shrugs. "I guess." 

Even though society was separated by ranks according to how many mutations had been made to the embryo's genes, the differences between those of the same rank were still visible. For once, it wasn't specific to which alterations had been made, just how many, so while Donghyuck's parents had focused on getting rid of diseases and making sure their child was intelligent, many like in Jeno’s case, had preferred to focus on external traits — such as strong facial features, a tendency to build muscle easily, high stamina, etc. 

Of course, Jeno was not dumb, not even close to it, but many times Donghyuck couldn't help but feel his mind-set was in completely different dimension of his friend's. He always thought too deeply about everything, Jeno not so much. Jeno would pick up things very quickly, he was extraordinary in school, and if Donghyuck shared his ideas with him, his friend would soon follow his thought process. But Donghyuck knew Jeno wasn't the type to seek for more, in many ways it seemed he lacked the consciousness that Donghyuck was burdened with every single day of his life. Being aware of the flaws all around him wasn't a blessing, it was a curse. And everyday of his life, Donghyuck felt himself slip lower into the lonely hole of his own mind.

"It's weird." Jeno says breaking the silence between them. "They've managed to find out how to change all these things, you'd think sexuality would be one of them by now."

"Just like you cannot make your child like jazz more than pop music, or make them prefer salty over sweet foods, i doubt you could ever change their sexual preference."

His friend quirks both his eyebrows up and tilts his head. "Very good point."

 

 

  
Since it becomes impossible to change your DNA after the egg develops into an embryo, people cannot go higher in ranks. They can, however, gain titles to help them rise in society and achieve just as much as the highest rank. It takes quite a bit of effort, some tasks are close to impossible, however proven by rarities not to be, and so people still try every single year to achieve a new title to rise up in the social ladder.

Donghyuck hated the system, he truly did, but he also knew that if he were to become someone, he needed to go through hardships. And so he would join the trials every year that he could, winning at least a title that would give him yet another privilege in society. It was the only way for him to gain power, the only way he could rise up so high that he'd actually have chances at achieving his ultimate goal.

The line to Public Hall was enormous and seemed legitimately never-ending, Donghyuck knew from past experiences that he could be there up to three days waiting to simply sign up to compete. The issue was that not everyone was allowed to go through with it, little tests were made and not surprisingly, many of the tests were rigged. Lower ranks had less chances of getting a place, not only due to the fact that they could catch diseases easily compared to those who had altered genes, but because the government knew it needed a fair share of people powerless for the country to run smoothly.

It was nothing new, most bottom ranking people knew of this fact but they still applied anyways hoping for a miracle of some sort. So the line became filled with people from all the ranks except the first who didn't need help, they already had it all at their fingertips.

 

The first night came. The chilly November air froze his body even under the two thick blankets he had brought from home and prevented him from falling asleep for longer than ten minutes at a time before a shiver woke him up. That, and the relentless chatter all around him from people like him that seemed unable to fall asleep.

Donghyuck stares up at the speckled night sky and admires its natural beauty. That always seemed to calm him down, he couldn't even hear the voices all around him anymore. It was as if the world had become quiet once more, and so his heavy eyelids finally seem to shut once and for all until the sun came back again.

 

There wasn't much to do in line apart from playing video games. Surely Jeno was somewhere in that vast sea of people but he wouldn't dare go out of his way to find his friend, because if he didn't find him then he'd lose his spot. He had not waited a full day there to go back to the end of the line.

The boredom was worth it, he knew it was. But after many hours of playing the same games or simply staring at nothingness, was making Donghyuck feel himself start to go insane.

One of the things he often tried to pretend he didn't need was the longing to be constantly interacting with people. Before Jeno came along, there wasn't really anyone Donghyuck was close to enough to feel comfortable with when chatting as much as he wished. Back then he would never truly feel happy, something was always missing but he couldn't figure out what.

Jeno listens well, he lets him talk on and on nonstop until he runs out of words. Except Jeno wasn't there and Donghyuck hadn't spoken to anyone in a whole day, not even speaking to himself sufficed anymore.

He turns around and sucks in a breath, he had _not_ noticed how attractive the boy behind him was. The stranger quirks one eyebrow up in confusion when Donghyuck spends way too long admiring the beautiful face in front of him and then shoots him a bright smile. His pearly whites hurt Donghyuck’s eyes from how bright they were, or from how absolutely stunning the boy looked smiling. Probably both.

“Can i help you?” The stranger asks in a low, slightly husky, voice.

Donghyuck rolls his shoulders back and straightens his body, then clears his throat nonchalantly to maybe himself look less like a weirdo. Chances were that wasn't going to do much to change the stranger’s first impression on him though. “Sorry i didn't sleep much last night, my reflexes are way too slow.”

The boy snorts. “Man me too, it's impossible to sleep in these conditions. And chances are…” He stops and looks ahead. “We will have to sleep here for one more night.”

Donghyuck sighs and nods. “That's true, i don't even think i got enough food for another day.” He says, defeated. “So on top of lack of sleep, boredom and cold, now i have to deal with starvation too! Great!”

“I got some extra food! Mom always makes wayyy too much.” The stranger slaps his bag and shoots Donghyuck yet another big bright smile. “You can take some if you'd like.”

“Really?!” He shrieks and then starts fake crying. “How can i repay you, my kind sir?!”

The stranger barks out a laugh, Donghyuck can't help but stare at his Adam's Apple bobbing up and down prettily. He just hoped the other wouldn't notice his gaze linger for too long, who knew what would happen if he was caught or if the stranger would report him. The thought alone makes his stomach drop.

“Your companion throughout this hell should be enough of a payment, don't worry.” He smirks and then extends his arm out for Donghyuck to shake his hand. “I'm Jaemin.”

Donghyuck wastes no time in shaking their hands, Jaemin’s skin was awfully soft. So smooth it might slip away from his hold just like that. “I'm Donghyuck.”

“Nice to meet you, Donghyuck.”

The boy grins and bows down dramatically making Jaemin giggle. “The pleasure is mine, my very good sir.”

 

Turns out Jaemin is in the rank above him, which at first makes Donghyuck apprehensive — he worried the boy might change his behaviour around him. Gladly, nothing changes after that and Jaemin keeps treating him just the same.

It feels nice, more often than not higher ranking people would treat him with disdain, and he wasn't even one of the bottom ranks or anything, he was in the middle. So to think of how badly the poorer were treated made his blood boil, he was glad that Jaemin didn't seem to be like that. It'd be such a big disappointment.

Jaemin wasn't just one of the most handsome people he had ever met, he too was smart and witty. He always had a comeback and spoke in such an eloquent manner whenever a more serious topic came up. Donghyuck could feel his heart warm up by the second, and by the time the stars adorn the night sky, the urge to grab the boy's face and smack their lips together was almost unbearable.

He looks up at the stars and breathes in calmly knowing that that would make him cool off. There was no way in hell he'd let his impulses get the best of him. Not only could Jaemin rat him out, but so could the other hundreds of people in line with them. One false step and he could lose all the titles he had won so far, and probably get ostracised from society.

He sighs deeply. The memory of an old book he had read years previously pops into his brain, it was one of those books that had somehow slipped through the censorship and ended up in his hands. According to it, gay people had managed to gain rights around the twenty first century, they had even been allowed to marry in many countries. Donghyuck couldn't know exactly how the decadence of their rights had come to be to the point where he couldn't even feel safe telling his best friend about it. Not because Jeno would tell anyone, he knew he wouldn't, but he felt paranoid. There were way too many stories of spies finding out about it somehow, and that was enough to make him swallow it all down.

“I can see the smoke coming out of your ears.” Jaemin teases and pokes Donghyuck’s soft cheek.

“Yeah my brain machine is pretty rusty i shouldn't overheat it.” He jokes but the tone of his voice made him sound more dead than alive which makes Jaemin turn to his side and bore his worried eyes on the boy’s face  until Donghyuck finally gave up and drifted his eyes from the sky towards him. “What is it?”

“It's nothing…” Jaemin whispers as he flops on his back again.

Donghyuck turns his head to look at the boy better and takes in all the little details of his face. He doubted he'd see Jaemin again, or at least any time soon. So he felt the need to imprint the breath-taking image of him simply being there, existing, on his eyelids where it would hopefully stay forever.

When Jaemin finally seems to fall asleep Donghyuck sits up and glances at his sleeping frame with a gentle smile. He wished to lay with his head on top of the boy’s wide chest and yet he couldn't, he couldn't even stare for too long without feeling he was being watched. Donghyuck makes a frustrated noise in the back of his throat and lays down again on his side with his back turned to Jaemin to prevent himself from subconsciously reaching out to the other in his sleep.

 

 

They finally make it inside the grandiose building. It was cramped and very loud, Donghyuck hadn't had enjoyed a moment of pure silence in days — so much so that he didn't even process how loud the mix of noises was.

Jaemin stands right behind him with his hands on Donghyuck’s shoulders for support after almost getting knocked off by an angry man that scraped past them. “I feel like a sardine.” He sighs and lets his head hang down until his forehead is pressing on the other boy's back.

“You okay back there?”

He nods weakly against the fabric of Donghyuck’s jacket. “Just want this to be over.”

Donghyuck hums, he too felt his body beg him to shut down and relax but that wasn't possible. At least the line seemed to be moving fairly quickly which gave him hope that he'd get home by the end of the evening.

“Hyuck.” Jaemin calls out with his lips way too close to his friend's ear subsequently making the other jump like a scared cat. “Sorry.” He giggles and pats Donghyuck’s bicep.

“What is?” He turns his head slightly so he could catch a glimpse of Jaemin, it is only then that he sees just how close the boy was to him. It makes his whole body tremble for a second or two until he manages to calm himself down.

“Will i see you again?”

Donghyuck stares ahead at the back of a stranger’s head with unfocused eyes as his brain goes into overdrive. He did want to see Jaemin again, but he also didn't. Well, rather than didn't want, he thought he shouldn't. Every little thing the boy did made his body pump with adrenaline, but he could never act on any of those impulses and that was terribly painful.

He wanted to see Jaemin again, he really _really_ did, but he shouldn't. “Who knows.” Is all he says after minutes of letting the other boy waiting.

“You live far away from here?” Jaemin asks, hopeful, but before Donghyuck could come up with a good answer, his name gets called out.

The boy turns around to say goodbye to his new friend who hugs him so tight Donghyuck was scared he might never actually let go. Before he turns around again, Donghyuck looks deeply into the other’s sparkly eyes as if trying to say something that he wouldn't dare voice out. He couldn't know if Jaemin understood, he probably didn't, but it didn't matter for his conscience felt lighter.

With his back turned to his friend, Donghyuck makes his way to the receptionist that shoots him a well practiced smile. It almost didn't look fake, but Donghyuck knew better than that. “Hello!” She chirps while placing a sheet of paper on the counter. “Please fill this in, then head to your right and enter room four.”

Before she had even started speaking, Donghyuck had already begun filling in the missing information. He had done that exact process hundreds of times, he knew what to write by heart by then.

The lady stares wide eyed as he finishes the last details and hands in the paper back not even a minute later. “Thank you sir.” She chuckles quietly and points towards the end of the hall to his right. “Have a lovely day.”

“You too.” He mutters quietly.

First came the physical tests, people would often try and lie about their record so that the government would allow them to compete hence why a new policy was introduced many years back. Donghyuck hated that examination the most, he wasn't the most gifted when it came to physical abilities, which was the reason why he wasn't quite fond of jogging in a treadmill for twenty minutes straight.

He strips out of his regular clothes and puts on the equipment that was given as he came inside the changing rooms. A yellow shirt with orange stripes complemented with some basic orange shorts that fit him slightly too tightly around the thighs. Donghyuck grimaces as he stares at the big mirror in front of him, the colours were hideous but that wasn't even the worst part of it. The worse was still to come, the process of sweating his ass off until he felt like a big sticky mess until he finally got home. He dreaded that moment with passion.

Outside of the changing rooms was a long white hall illuminated by blue lights. He walks slowly, as if that'd save him from having to do the tests — it just meant he'd get home later in reality. Then the treadmills come into focus and he grimaces for a split second (just before anyone notices), but since people had already seen him he couldn't back away.

The beginning was the worst, his limbs were sore after days of sleeping on the hard floor and being in the same positions for far too long. Plus, it wasn't like he had eaten much those past two days, so his energy was very _very_ low. Certainly too low to run for twenty minutes, even if just jogging.

He keeps his eyes glued to the white wall ahead hoping that he'd drift into his thoughts and forget he was there physically, but the moment Jaemin pops in his head Donghyuck figures it was best to endure the boredom and pain instead of dwelling too much on his newfound crush. Sure, he wouldn't mind reminiscing the way Jaemin’s eyes sparkled whenever he laughed at one of his dumb bitter comments, but he could feel his knees weaken at the fresh memories and that surely wasn't going to help him pass the exam.

The moment one of the men reaches out to him to warn him that there were only five minutes left, Donghyuck can't help but let out a broken sob of both relief and pain. Five minutes felt awfully long especially when he had nothing better to do but to keep analysing the boring white wall — he probably knew its texture better than his own face by then.

The treadmill starts to slow down and then stops. Donghyuck lets his head hang low and takes a few deep breaths before heading towards the changing rooms again. He splashes water all over his exposed skin and grimaces at the realisation that he would have to put on his regular clothes over his sweaty skin. At least the only thing left were some medical examinations that shouldn't take more than ten minutes to finish.

Then he could _finally_ head back home.

Some men were inside the changing room that time around. The boy looks around for a second or two before shrugging and yanking his shorts down right there and then. A few look, most of them in fact, but nobody says anything. It wasn't like Donghyuck cared if they saw his body, if that was the only reason he wouldn't have hesitated, but he had heard stories of men being expelled for ‘gay activities’ for simply not using the individual cubicles when changing their clothes. It was ridiculous and Donghyuck, being the renegade he was born to be, always decided to test his limits whenever he didn't agree with something.

So far, it had gone just fine for him. But he supposed that was because he was still young enough to be overlooked by everyone, his luck was bound to vanish sooner or later. Jeno would often remind him of just that, and even if it melted Donghyuck’s heart that someone cared for his wellbeing enough to get angry at him for acting foolishly, he refused to be a sheep and blend in when he didn't want to. He loved Jeno to bits but if he were to get in big trouble for revolting, then so be it. After all, if there was one thing he learnt from history was that if everyone acted like Jeno and accepted their fate, the world wouldn't move forward.

Of course, Jeno understood the sentiment, but that didn't mean he had it in him to be like his friend. He very much preferred his peaceful life and the stability that came with it.

 

After getting a sample of blood taken out, his heartbeat checked and going through a series of health tests, Donghyuck was free to go.

He leaves through the back door as he's told (so to avoid getting lost in the crowd outside) and heads home feeling as tired as ever. All he hoped for was that his mother had been kind enough to cook him a proper meal because he hadn't touched a piece of food since that morning when Jaemin had lent him an apple.

Speaking of which, Donghyuck felt proud of himself for managing so many hours without thinking about him. Usually he'd get so infatuated that he wouldn't be able to think about anything else but the cause of his new obsession. So, not thinking about him until then was already medal worthy.

He observes the familiar river running alongside him. The streets were quiet now that he had reached the more rural area of town, finally his ears could catch a break after the constant noise that surrounded him for those three days. Usually he'd hate the fact that he lived in a quiet area where barely any cars passed by, but just for once he was glad that his parents couldn't afford a house at the city center.

Donghyuck quickens his pace when he spots the faded orange facade in the distance. He swore he could smell the fried chicken from where he stood, he could only hope that the smell came from his house and not one of his neighbours.

“I'm home!” He shouts as he jerks his legs so his shoes would fly somewhere nearby the entrance. “Mama, please tell me dinner is ready!”

His mother pops out of the kitchen with a few hairs poking out of place and smudges of a bright red substance on her hands. She smiles brightly at her son and then quirks her eyebrows up. “You couldn't have texted me first? I would've started earlier.”

“Phone battery died, not even the powerbanks saved it.” Donghyuck kisses his mother's cheek and then squeezes her body in a backhug with all his remaining strength. “I missed you! Where's dad?”

She kisses his cheek as well before pointing towards the bedroom. “He's watching his show, grandma really wanted to see her programs and you know he hates those singing fests so...” Donghyuck trails behind her inside the kitchen and sits on the counter nearby where the cooking pots were. “Dinner will be ready in maybe half an hour, meanwhile you should start packing your things.”

“We won't be leaving until the end of next week!” Donghyuck protests with a pout of his lips.

“Last time you left it till the last minute and forgot essential stuff. Better get ready too early than live without a toothbrush for a whole month.”

“Hey! I used Jeno’s…” His mother scrunches up her nose with disgust. “For a week only then i managed to buy me some during the resting period!”

She sighs deeply and rolls her eyes. “Maybe instead of spending your limited amount of money on a toothbrush you should spend it on food like we want you to.”

“Fine!” He jumps onto the wooden floor. “When i come back dinner better be ready.”

“Or what?” She snorts. “Watch that mouth or i won't even let you eat tonight.”

Donghyuck walks away with his hands above his head in defeat and then smiles brightly when he hears his mother giggle by herself just as he closes his bedroom door.

It was during moments like those that Donghyuck understood why Jeno always spoke of his routines with such fondness. He too adored the little things that gave him a sense of security, one being coming home to his family who adored him just as much as he adored them. To think he might cause the collapse of it all, the collapse of his family’s happiness, made his stomach twist and turn.

Even then, the wish to give them all a better life was stronger. And so Donghyuck continued to plan ways to make that happen even if, realistically, he would never reach his goal.

But, just like they all say, hope is the last thing to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dunno when i'll post a new chapter, i posted this to see if people would be interested in it but truthfully i got exams coming up. After those are out of my way I should pick up pace though!! So hopefully i won't take too long :)


	2. the rank one boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ❝ Idealists' delusion ― all idealists imagine that the causes they serve are significantly better than the other causes in the world; they do not want to believe that if their cause is to flourish at all, it needs exactly the same foul-smelling manure that all other human undertakings require. ❞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as usual, sorry for any typos or odd phrases!!

**T** he gentle, yet bitterly cold, breeze makes his hair strands dance erratically in the hair. Donghyuck stares at the bus sign as if it was the most interesting thing ever — and it was at that very moment for he had nothing better to do as he waited for Jeno to show up.

He sighs deeply but just as he was about to curse his friend under his breath, he feels a hand smack on his shoulder. An embarrassingly loud shriek leaves his lips, the boy presses his hands on top of his chest and breathes in sharply before turning to Jeno with a scowl. “Took you long enough.”

“Why'd you come so early?! The bus won't come for another forty minutes.” Jeno snorts as he shoves his phone inside his pocket. “Are you that excited for the competitions?”

“Do i honestly look like-?” He rolls his eyes. “Mom is stressing because last time i almost didn't make it, blah blah.”

“Makes more sense.”

Donghyuck sits next to Jeno on the bench and throws his head back until it's touching the glass behind. “How many days did you wait to sign up?” He asks just to start small talk, even if being nearby Jeno in silence was comfortable he still preferred to be speaking constantly. Plus, it felt he hadn't spoken to his friend in weeks when in reality it had been just four days.

“Two! It was fairly quick.”

“Lucky, mine took three damn days and if it wasn't for the dude behind me i think i would've starved. How would i pass the physical examination like that? They should feed us.”

“They warn you to bring food for a maximum of five days.” Jeno snorts. “So did you meet a friend there? Not surprised.”

Donghyuck hits his friend's bicep lightly and giggles — then mentally punches himself for being so giddy over it, he was sure Jeno wouldn't think much of it but still. “I was so bored! We really should try to be together in line next time.”

“Aw but i quite enjoyed having my well deserved Donghyuck-free time.” Jeno jokes while pouting dramatically.

“Fine then!” Donghyuck huffs and crosses his arms above his chest. It doesn't take long for Jeno to drop his act, it never does, Jeno was too much of a softie. “Umph let go of me! “ He shrieks when the other glues himself around his torso like a koala and start nuzzling his cheek against his sweater.

“I'm never letting go of you.” Jeno mumbles in a baby voice and looks up at Donghyuck with puppy eyes that make the other huff once again, but he can't hide the way the corner of his mouth curls up at that. “Donghyuck-ahhh.”

Donghyuck presses the palm of his hand against Jeno’s forehead to force him away and then wiggles his hips frantically. “I can see the bus ahead, let go!” He squeaks when Jeno squeezes his body even tighter. “Jeno! People might get the wrong idea-”

Jeno barks out a laugh mid getting hit by Donghyuck and finally lets go, but not before patting his friend's ass. “You're always so tense about this topic, makes me think you might actually be gay.”

“Quiet!” The boy whisper yells just as the bus stops in front of them. “Get in and shut that trap of yours.”

“Yes captain.” Jeno snorts and walks up the little flight of stairs, greeting the bus driver with the same old typical gentle tone he always used with strangers.

Donghyuck stands still outside watching as his friend sat down. He sighs deeply, it was one of those suffocating times where he wished he would just admit it out loud and get it over with. But he couldn't help but feel watched everywhere they went, sometimes his paranoid mind considered the possibility of there being camera glued on him. It was dumb, but he couldn't help it.

“Coming or not?” The bus driver snaps his fingers with an annoyed look on his face. Donghyuck blinks rapidly and nods before bolting inside and sitting next to his best friend.

Jeno grins brightly and then snatches his phone out of his pocket. “Let's play!” He exclaims just as the object expands at the touch of a button. “I downloaded a bunch of multiplayer games!”

Suddenly his worries vanish once again. It didn't matter if Jeno knew or not, he knew the boy would always love him just the same. “You're my saviour.” He smiles softly and pinches his friend's cheeks lovingly. “What’d i do without you?”

“Probably die.”

“Yeah, probably.”

  


The bus fills up slowly, about two hours after they had gotten in it was overflowing with people. Donghyuck had gotten hit on his left side more times than he could count because, since all the seats were taken, people had to stay standing up. At some point, after his arm starts hurting so Donghyuck begs for Jeno to swap places with him and his friend's response is a loud growl followed by a glare “What! There's only like one hour left can't you handle my pain for just that much?!” Donghyuck whines, successfully manipulating Jeno into changing seats with him.

For the first time since the bus had been filled to its brim, Donghyuck gets to actually enjoy the ride properly. He leans back and looks out of the window, the pretty landscape sparkles under the bright sunshine, the grass looked greener and the water bluer in that special day. Not that he looked forward to the competitions, but for some reason that year his spirits were higher than usual, and so his world seemed a little brighter than past years. Usually he'd be awfully grumpy and complain the entire ride about how stupid it was that he felt compelled to join such a thing, at this point Jeno could recite his whole discourse by heart.

“You're awfully quiet.” Jeno points out just as the dude next to him hits his face with his bag. The boy breathes in sharply and glares at the stranger before turning back to his friend. “You haven't tried to ramble in… like half an hour.”

Donghyuck snorts and looks out of the window again. “It looks pretty this year, the weather is good.” He grabs his phone to snap a quick picture at the meadows where three horses roamed around carelessly. “Usually it's all grey and dull, i was just appreciating the views.”

Jeno shoots him a look of disbelief then shrugs. “Alright, if something is wrong tell me though.”

“I'm fine.” He chuckles and squeezes Jeno’s nose making the boy let out a whine of discontent. “Love me less Jeno Lee.”

“Careful for what you wish for.” He smirks while rubbing the tip of his nose, then pinches Donghyuck’s cheek in retaliation. “You might just get it.”

“You wouldn't _dare._ ”

“Try me, uh.”

Donghyuck slaps his friend's hand away and gently hits his shoulder against Jeno’s. “You wouldn't.” Jeno shrugs nonchalantly. “Jenose!”

“Hey! Don't call me that.” He pouts cutely and gets ready to attack the boy's cheek again.

“Then stop acting like a brat.”

“I wasn't!”

The other stares at him with a deadpan expression while Jeno pouts like a child.

“Whatever i shouldn't have even spoken to you, i was better off before.” He huffs dramatically and turns his head to his left, which would turn out to be a big mistake for his head hits the stranger’s bag with a bit too much strength.

Donghyuck can only giggle as his friend apologises to the other boy, he can't help but keep on giggling even after Jeno glares at him. And if Donghyuck didn't know Jeno as well as he did, he would've probably shat his pants, but because he knew his friend was unable of hurting a fly, he laughed even louder at his failed attempt to act intimidating.

Jeno ended up sulking for the rest of the trip (but, nevertheless, still allowed Donghyuck to play with his fingers when the boy got bored of admiring the view)

  
  


“Please insert your fingerprint in the monitor.” A bored looking lady says and points at the screen next to her.

It was the same old procedure, they'd record their fingerprints for easy access around the building and then get assigned to their rooms. Usually the same ranked people would be put together, but sometimes there would be an extra from the rank below due to lack of rooming area. It was a completely random process that they could never predict the results of.

Donghyuck crosses his fingers hoping that Jeno would somehow end up with him. The chances were slim, there were plenty of rank three among them from all over the country, so the probability that he'd end up with his best friend were pretty slim. Still, it had happened once before, so he could dream.

He presses his fingertip against the screen, it processes the information for a few seconds before the door opens allowing him inside the infamous building. It was only the place they'd stay at when they had free time so it wasn't all that very decorated, the government couldn't care less if they felt at home in that hospital looking place or not. Donghyuck was still impressed that they had even bothered to give them a playroom filled with all sorts of arcade games as well as televisions.

“Wait up!” Jeno shouts and sprints after his friend who had lost himself deep inside his thoughts like he often did. “You're thinking.”

“About how much i hate this place, yes.” He mumbles quietly and then sighs. “Let's go find our rooms.”

Jeno nods and intertwines their arms making Donghyuck tense up, but he lets him be and focuses on the fact that they couldn't be harmed for such inoffensive things.

 

A row of ten machines extends over the cramped room, both boys get in line where they'd stay for almost a whole hour waiting for their turn. Donghyuck looks back at Jeno with a hopeful look when it's finally his time to find out which room has been allocated to him to his friend replies with a reassuring smile that encourages Donghyuck to finally press his finger on the tablet looking machine. It doesn't take very long for the information to pop up, but in those two seconds, Donghyuck swears his heart had stopped beating with the anticipation.

 

**_LEE DONGHYUCK_ **

**ROOM: #601**

 

He repeats the number over and over with his eyes closed as Jeno completes the process as well, then when the usual beep rings in his ears, Donghyuck cracks an eye open and breathes in sharply as he read the information on the screen.

 

**_LEE JENO_ **

**ROOM: #610**

 

They both growl in unison and, because the girl behind them was already shooting daggers at them for taking too long, decide to move along towards the dormitory area. Both boys walk in pure silence with a pout on their lips looking like two kids who had been denied their favourite toy.

Donghyuck breaks the silence between them with a loud whine and then turns to look at his friend. “This is bullshit!”

“We expected it.”

“I know, but still!” He huffs and tousles his hair.

“Our rooms aren't very far apart though, we'll be fine.” Jeno comes closer, pats his friend's head and then tries fixing the mess the other had made. “We can hang in the playrooms and stuff.”

Even if he knew Jeno was right, he still would've preferred to share a room with his best friend instead of getting surprise roommates who he might not even like. Hopefully one of the boys he had met there before would be there, but that'd be pure luck once more, so he couldn't let himself find comfort in that possibility.

They get in the elevator along with another fifteen people or so. Donghyuck sits down next to Jeno and stares out from the glass windows at the forest surrounding the building. They move up and then to their right, Jeno had always compared the elevator to a sewage pipe, they moved about in the building through a glass canal like the remains of a bad meal. It was a dumb comparison but it never failed to make him laugh whenever he remembered the way Jeno had blurted that out of the blue some years back.

“This is us.” Jeno bumps his shoulder against Donghyuck’s to wake him up and gets up.

 **FLOOR #6** the plaque just outside the elevator’s door read. Donghyuck follows the numbers with his eyes as they walk further down the hall, at some point he didn't even remember what he was doing anymore after walking for so long.

“Hyuck.” His friend calls out. Donghyuck looks up at him and then drifts his eyes to the room's number. **#610**. “Guess I'll see you later today.”

He nods sadly and hugs the other as if they were parting for life. “Text me!” Donghyuck exclaims as Jeno waves him goodbye and closes the door.

The boy stands staring at himself in the door’s monitor, he knew his fingerprint wouldn't open that damned door and yet he still had to hold himself back from _trying._

After a minute or so, Donghyuck finally seems to snap out of it and drags his tired limbs across the hall until he reaches the very end. “Six hundred and one.” He reads out loud and licks his lips nervously.

His hands shook lightly as he extended his arm with his index pointing at the screen. The pad of his finger presses lightly against the cold surface and then the door clicks open. It takes him a while to finally walk inside, so much so that a boy shows up at the entrance with an annoyed look on his face.

“Who left the door ope-” His shout fades as soon as their eyes lock. “Oh hello.”

“Hi.” Donghyuck whispers and bows down. The door closes behind him making him flinch, a little embarrassing squeak leaves his lips but the other boy, instead of laughing at him, smiles gently and snakes his arm around Donghyuck’s shoulders.

“Don't be so tense! We're all friendly.” The stranger keeps the smile on face as they walk further inside the room, and since Donghyuck already knew how the place looked like — since every room looked the exact same — he ends up analysing the boy's face instead.

His eyes were as gentle as his smile, even when he had nagged about the door being open Donghyuck hadn't felt any fear run through is veins. He felt safe in the warm energy the stranger emitted, but he couldn't quite point out what was that made him trust the other so much at first glance.

“I'm Kun, by the way.” He rubs Donghyuck’s back as he speaks, as if he was speaking to his own child, and then motions to the two other boys laying on their beds. “These are Yuta and Ten.”

Both boys wave at him nonchalantly which makes Kun laugh nervously and, when Donghyuck bends down to put him bag on the floor, glares at them — but neither seemed intimidated by that, Yuta goes as far as chuckle which only makes Kun’s blood boil even more.

“Nice to meet you, i’m Donghyuck.”

“They're just tired from the trip.”

“You guys are friends?”

Kun shakes his head. “Never seen them in my life, we met like an hour ago at most.”

Donghyuck nods and feels the empty beds. “Which one is yours, Kun?” The other points at the bottom bunk, at the top laid Yuta typing on his phone. He drifts his eyes towards Ten on the single bed and pouts slightly, in most cases the first boy to come would pick the single bed but because Donghyuck had taken so long to get there it seemed he had lost his chance. “So there's just one person missing.”

“Yup.” Ten responds curtly.

“Who's the oldest?” Donghyuck asks as he walks to the other top bunk.

“Yuta is the oldest, Kun and i are the same age. How old are you, Donghyuck?”

“Eighteen.” He jumps up and down on the mattress, but as soon as Yuta shoots him a sly smirk he halts. “What?”

“I can tell you're young.” He chuckles making the other’s cheeks turn into a light shade of red. “It's good, i know Kun is acting all mighty and energetic but i bet he's going to be complaining about his joints tomorrow.”

“Hey!” Kun squeaks from the bathroom. “Fuck you!”

Donghyuck giggles and massages his neck awkwardly. “Well, i might complain about my joints too.”

“Only old people get that privilege you better shut that mouth.” Ten butts in and throws his pillow in Donghyuck’s direction, the boy manages to dodge it at the last second and throws it right back. “He's already testing his limits.”

Yuta puts his phone down, looks in-between the two boys, and snorts. “I already like him.”

Just as Donghyuck was about to answer, the sound of the door clicking open fills the room and every single one of them become quiet. He looks at the end of the entrance hall waiting anxiously for who was about to show up.

The moment his eyes landed on the newbie, Donghyuck knew they had gotten the _luck_ to be put together with one of the higher ranks. His meticulously brushed brown hair shone way too brightly under the dim light of the hallway and his buttoned up shirt too screamed _I Am Mama’s Boy_ — a species of people that never enjoyed his presence, in fact Donghyuck was surprised he hadn't gotten sued for messing with them whenever the higher ranks passed by him in school. Overall, the stranger just seemed to reek of money and high IQ, Donghyuck couldn't stand it.

“Hello!” Kun chirps. “You're the missing member it seems.”

The other doesn't reply, he inspects the room with his dull eyes and a serene expression that Donghyuck was sure he had practiced his entire life. Richer people always had a way with controlling how much emotion they let across, it always sent chills down his spine.

He stays quiet and observes the scrawny boy with eagle eyes, Kun shoots them all a knowing look that screamed _“Please say something!”_ but neither of the three silent boys gave him the satisfaction of not being the one always the one to break the awkward silences.

“So.” Kun chuckles lightly. “Seems the only bed left is below Donghyuck over here.”

Their eyes meet for a mere second before the stranger starts moving towards his bed. Shivers run down Donghyuck’s spine from how soulless the other’s eyes were, he looks over to Yuta who seemed to be analysing the newcomer as if he was a prey. “You seem rich.” He attacks, just like a predator imposing dominance over his victim. “Rank two.”

“Yes.” Donghyuck hadn't even realised the stranger hadn't spoken until then. It sounded nothing like he expected, instead of a high-pitched childish voice, a rather mature honey like one rings in his ears taking him by surprise. “Huang Renjun, rank two.” He announces politely, _too politely._

“Chinese!” Kun squeaks, beaming with joy.

Donghyuck quirks his eyebrow and looks over to Yuta once more, the other rolls his eyes quickly enough to not be highly noticeable and a snort leaves his lips but he covers it with a cough right away. The oldest presses his lips together to suppress a laugh then drifts his eyes lower towards Renjun’s bed. “Well we're all rank three enjoy your stay.”

“It'll be just fine.” He answers nonchalantly and then a long silence follows, the other four boys look around the room at each other speaking through a newfound brain connection. “May i know your names?” Renjun asks after clearing his throat in what Donghyuck found to be the most gentle he had heard someone cough.

Ten, who had refrained from speaking since Renjun had stepped foot inside the room, perks up and looks in the direction of the boy. “I'm Ten, that's Yuta.”

“Peculiar name.”

“Not my real one, it's a nickname.” He explains. “I'm Thai, surely you wouldn't be able to pronounce my real name correctly. So i just use an easy one.”

“Try me then.”

The older furrows his eyebrows in pure confusion. “What?”

“I wanna try and say your name.”

Ten opens and closes his mouth a few times before pointing at the wall behind where Kun stood. “There, should be written on the list.”

Renjun stands up and finally shows up in Donghyuck’s camp of vision once more. There was one thing he envied about the boy apart from, obviously, his wealth. He hadn't noticed just how perfect Renjun’s posture was, his back was perfectly straight, his shoulders rolled back and head up high. Donghyuck couldn't stand how painstakingly robotic the boy looked as if he was unable of doing mistakes. And really, he knew he was being extremely judgmental and superficial, that Renjun could be an actually nice dude, it was just that he couldn't be bothered to care if he was or not. He doubted the other cared to get to know them either.

“Chittaphon…” He reads smoothly and looks back at Ten for approval before turning back and continuing. “Lee..chai.. Leechaiyapornkul. That wasn't so bad, Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul.”

Ten stares at him dumbfounded which only makes Renjun finally crack a little smug smile. “Yeah okay, bet you got the same IQ as Einstein or some bullshit.”

“You got that assumption because i can read?” The boy snorts loudly. “I'm sure we all could read it.”

Yuta shrugs and picks his phone up again. “Probably, but not as quickly as you mister rank two.”

Donghyuck watches as Kun’s face shrivels up with the harshness of Yuta’s tone and, to an extent, feels bad for Renjun. Then again he didn't, because outside of that building Renjun could step on them like insects if he wanted. It wasn't like letting him feel it in his skin the way they always did on the daily was going to cause much damage. Just maybe trigger a tantrum by a spoiled brat, and that Donghyuck was sure he could handle if it were to come.

So he doesn't try lightning up the mood, instead he copies the oldest and picks up his phone to text Jeno about the latest events. He could hear the sound of a language his brain couldn't pick up on in the background as he typed, and for a heartbeat he thinks he's glad Kun isn't cold like they were being. But the thought is gone just as soon as it had appeared, and Donghyuck goes back to focusing on writing.

  


The loud bell rings annoying loud all around him, Donghyuck snaps his eyes open and groans when he realises he had just been woken up. “Is it dinner time already?!” He cries out above all the noise and Ten nods grumpily as a response. None of the other four boys looked any happier than he was to be bothered even if it meant they'd finally get to fill their bellies.

He rubs his eyes violently and, as he moves towards the stairs, every bone in his bone seems to crack. “Jesus, aren't you the youngest?” Yuta frowns.

“Yes, and?” Donghyuck cracks his neck by moving it in circles and then bends backwards to crack his back as well. “It's the life of a peasant.”

“Shut the fuck up you're rank three.” Ten says as he passes by the youngest and slaps the back of his head. Donghyuck turns to him and pokes his tongue out childishly earning him yet another slap right in the same exact place. “Brat, get ready so we can all go together.”

Kun was already near the door chatting with Renjun in what Donghyuck assumed to be Mandarin. Which meant he was the last one to get ready since Yuta and Ten were already all set and had stayed behind merely to glare at him for taking ages to fix himself.

“All set!” He chirps and sprints to the door successfully scaring the Chinese boys that had been peacefully talking until his _very_ loud disruption. “Let's go i’m starving.”

The four boys look in-between them and snort, some even smile fondly as Donghyuck trots down the hallway like an excited baby goat.

 

The big canteen was no new sight, Donghyuck had been there countless of times. But each single year, apart from when Jeno was his roommate, he would spend the majority of the eating period searching for his best friend so they could sit together.

That wasn't an exception that time around. Jeno could be anywhere among the thousands of boys inside, and he'd much rather lose his chance to eat than not be his friend.

“Where are you going-” Kun asks but Donghyuck was already getting ready to jog around the entire building to find his best friend’s familiar face.

“Going to find my friend! I'll meet you guys back at the dorm!” He shouts back and giggles when Yuta gives him a look that said _You're Insane._ Maybe he was. Who knew?

 

The clock indicated that it had been about forty minutes since Donghyuck had started searching for Jeno, and the boy was starting to think Yuta had a point. He was probably insane. It had never taken that long to find his best friend, there were only twenty more minutes until the food would stop being served and he hadn't eaten since about midday when Jeno had shoved an energy bar in the palm of his hand because apparently his breath stank worse than horse shit (his words).

His stomach rumbles loudly but Donghyuck simply pats his stomach and keeps on the lookout for his friend. He wondered if Jeno had already given up and gotten himself some food, though he doubted he had. But maybe it was best he did since there was always the chance they were walking in parallel directions and would never meet each other. Either way, he keeps on walking, ignoring all the weird looks from the people eating their _delicious_ food — he didn't know why they were judging him like that, but it might’ve something to do with the way he was staring at their plates like a starving dog. That or the fact that he probably looked like a zombie from how tired he felt. Or both.

Finally, his gaze lands on the back of someone's head, except it wasn't just _any_ head. “HELLO! Jeno Lee!” He shouts excitedly and runs up to his best friend who turns around with wide eyes looking just as pale and tired as the other.

He smiles brightly making his eyes turn into two crescents and then opens his arms wide. “Hi sunshine.” Jeno greets once Donghyuck slams against his body.

Donghyuck punches his chest before hugging him tightly. “Cut the bullshit you're gonna get us both arrested

Jeno rolls his eyes and ruffles Donghyuck’s dark brown locks fondly. “As if... you're being dramatic it's not that bad.”

“Yeah you're right, they just take away most of our titles no biggie.”

The other snorts. “Anyways you annoying prick…” He stabs his nails on Donghyuck’s ribs making him shriek in pain, a few heads turn in their direction at the loud noise so Jeno bows down and quickly apologises. “My physical performance has gotten better apparently, i was so bored i ended up reading my files.”

“You should’ve napped. “Donghyuck massages his torso with a pout. “Also, don't rub it in.” He scoffs and starts walking towards one of the waiting lines so they could finally eat, his stomach wouldn't stop begging to be fed and Donghyuck was starting to get annoyed every time the typical growl echoed inside of him.

“Ooh, yours got worse.” He teases. “It has, hasn't it?”

“Classified information!”

Jeno chuckles, they both grab a tray and get in line — which wasn't very long thankfully. “You're better at me in other things, plus it seems being physically capable doesn't get you much anyways. I applied to a part-time construction worker job and they shooed me away due to my “lack of quick reflexes". That's some bullshit, as if anyone could dodge a brick. “

Donghyuck shrugs. “Some rank one probably could i suppose…”

“Rank ones don't go for construction worker jobs, this is ridiculous.”

The other turns back and quirks both of his eyebrows, a smug smirk forms on his face when he sees Jeno’s annoyed expression. “Welcome to the real world! I've been ranting about it since i’ve turned fifteen but you never wish to listen.”

“I do listen!”

“Yeah right.”

 

Half of the tables were already empty by the time they sit down, there were only five minutes left until the canteen ladies went home which meant that if Donghyuck wanted to get a plate refill chances were that they'd tell him to get lost. At least he had gotten some sort of food, that was good enough as it was.

“Hey.” Jeno whisper yells just as his friend eats a spoonful of his soup. “See the boy behind me, to the right?” Donghyuck drifts his eyes from Jeno’s and wanders about for a bit until he figures out who exactly the other was talking about. “That's a rank one.”

The boy's eyes go wide, almost the size of two big buttons, and the view is so comical that Jeno can't help but bark out a laugh at it. “No way.” Donghyuck chokes out and cleans the sides of his mouth. “What's with this luck streak today…”

He had expected someone more like Renjun, all tidy and scrawny that looked like your stereotypical _I Bathe In Money_ guy. However this boy, maybe it was from how dishevelled he looked, but he could easily pass as a lower rank.

“Are you sure?!” Donghyuck furrows his eyebrows and then bites his lip when Jeno nods like he was completely certain of his words. “He looks so…”

“Normal, yes. It's probably intentional.” His friend shoots him yet another puzzled look so he keeps going. “So people like you don't bother him. It's just not normal for a rank one to be among us, the dude is going to get bullied relentlessly.”

Donghyuck nods and goes back to staring at the rank one that was eating his food with his head hanging low, he poked the meat with his chopstick like he lacked the energy to actually pick it up and then puts it in his mouth at the pace of a snail. Watching the entire thing was making Donghyuck want to yell at him to snap out of it, but he shouldn't even be staring that hard to begin with.

Though, to some extent, he didn't care if he looked creepy. He barely saw rank ones in his little world, they didn't do the things he did in his free time, and surely most refused to go to a public school. In a way, it was kind of watching a rare animal at the zoo, he couldn't look away and stop analysing the boy's actions.

“Creep.” Jeno blurts out. “Eat your food, will you?”

Donghyuck mumbles out something incomprehensible that sounded like a series of excuses to why he wasn't paying attention to his food. Jeno simply looks at him like a mother having none of her child's bullshit, and that does the trick. “Fine.” Is all he says just before he starts eating his food at the speed of light, while obviously keeping his gaze in the direction of the very interesting stranger.

At some point, while Donghyuck was still staring attentively, someone blocks the view making him growl in the back of his throat. It was only for a second or two, but when the boy finally moves along, the rank one seemed to have become paler by two shades and like he was on the verge of vomiting.

He grimaces and gestures for Jeno to take a look as well. “Your boy about to have diarrhea.”

“Gross.”

“As if you don't have that too, just because he's rank one-”

“No. Gross, you called him ‘your boy’.” Donghyuck gags dramatically and then rubs his temples when the wheels inside his head start turning. “I'm going to the bathroom.”

A disorientated Jeno grabs his wrist just as Donghyuck passes by him on his way to the toilet. “Uh? All of a sudden you also have to shit?!”

“No, idiot.” He crouches down slightly and starts whispering right next to Jeno’s ear. “If mister rank one has to use it then i will be there.”

“You're really going to be _that_ dude making small talk in the bathroom?” Jeno looks at him in disbelief.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures!” And with that, the boy snatches his wrist away from Jeno’s hold and keeps on walking in the direction of the nearest toilet.

 

Much to his surprise, the bathroom did not smell as bad as expected after probably hundreds of people had used it.

Donghyuck stands by the door pondering if he should go inside a stall or remain outside pretending to be cleaning his hands or fixing himself up. In the end he picks the latter.

He _did_ look like a zombie, just like he thought he would, but it wasn't so bad that he felt the urge to run back to the dorms so nobody would have to see his face. So he opts for simply fixing his hair and splashing some water on his face hoping that that would help him look somewhat presentable.

One of the stalls door clicks open making him jump in the air with surprise, but he collects himself not even a second after and pretends to be cleaning his hands.

“Hyuck?!” The boy behind him says excitedly and it doesn't take very long for the other’s brain to connect that low growly voice to a face. His body freezes up on the spot, he forgets entirely about the water still running all over his hands. “Hyuck?” Jaemin comes closer and turns the tap off.

“Thanks.” Donghyuck mumbles weakly and grabs a piece of paper to dry off his hands. Out of everyone, it had to be Jaemin there, out of hundreds of people. _Jaemin_. “Hi.”

“You look tired.” The worried look on the boy's face was make Donghyuck want to dig a hole and jump right in. He'd need a grave as soon as possible anyways from the way his heart was beating, he was scared it might burst at any second.

“Yes, I'm awfully tired.” He chuckles. “This is such a coincidence.”

“It is!” Jaemin exclaims with one of his big smiles. “So because last time you got snatched away before you could answer… Can we stay in touch? Your number would be good enough.”

Donghyuck chews on his bottom lip to the point where he swore he could taste blood. He had a very good auto-control power, but seeing Jaemin look so hopeful was putting him on the edge. He couldn't say no to that. “Sure why not.”

Jaemin beams at that, and _god_ it was the cutest thing Donghyuck had ever seen next to the stray cats he'd pass by every morning when walking to his bus stop. “Thank you! Here's mine.”

He inserts the number onto his contacts and, because Jaemin wouldn't seem to back off even then, clicks on the call button. The other’s phone lights up, and with it so does Jaemin’s face.

“I have to go, my roommates are waiting for me.” He pulls Donghyuck into a tight hug and then sprints out of the bathroom leaving the other frozen yet again in the middle of the room probably looking like a total idiot.

“Snap out of it.” He mumbles as he reaches for the door knob. “What the hell.”

 

By the time he reaches Jeno and seats down, the rank one was nowhere to be found. He lets out an exasperated groan and throws a piece of rice right in the direction of his best friend’s face. “Yo, where is he?!”

“How should i know?”

“You just let him off like that?!”

“Was i not supposed to? What if he stood up to go to the toilet, i couldn't know!”

Donghyuck pinches the bridge of his nose then nods. “You're right, sorry.”

Jeno frowns and hunches closer. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah.” He sighs. “Yeah, just tired. We should head back.”

“Okay.” The other says, and Donghyuck knows he doesn't trust a word he had just said but Jeno didn't push his limits very often which meant he wouldn't have to explain the Jaemin situation anytime soon. “Let's go then.”

“Also tomorrow _please_ wait for me in front of my door so we don't spend the entire time looking for each other.”

Jeno ruffles his friend’s hair and nods. “Sure thing, I'll be there.”

“You're treating me like i’m a toddler.” Donghyuck slaps his hand away. “Why?”

“I'm not!”

“You are!”

“I'm just being kind!”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes dramatically. “Yeah okay, googoogaga.”

“Good boy.”

“Shut the fuck up, Jeno Lee.”

 


	3. jackpot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ❝ Envy and jealousy are the pudenda of the human soul. ❞

“ **I** s that the rank two you spoke of?” Jeno asks while looking in the direction of Renjun and Kun who were, like usual, merrily chatting. It seemed they had hit it off quite well in the short span of a day but that wasn't all that surprising to Donghyuck. Kun seemed like a people pleaser, of course he could adapt to Renjun’s views quite easily.

“Yep, easy to spot.” He snorts.

“He's pretty.”

“No shit he got his genes chosen it'd be disastrous if he had come out ugly after all the money his parents probably put into making him perfect.”

Jeno barks out a laugh that takes Donghyuck by surprise, the boy looks at his friend baffled that the other had found what he had just said to be _that_ hilarious. It was simply the truth. “God Hyuck, it's not even nine in the morning and you're already this bitter.”

“Excuse you i’m _always_ bitter, we've been through this.”

“Give it a break, poor dude. He might be a good guy but you're just shoving him in the same sack as everyone else from his rank.”

Donghyuck makes a growling noise from the back of his throat while glaring at his best friend. “And why exactly would i do that? I don't plan on getting friendly with him anyways.”

The other scrunches up his nose and pats Donghyuck’s back. “You're such a stubborn asshole.”

“Again we've been through this-”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Jeno just about dodges his friend’s slap and then laughs loudly when Donghyuck walks away while stomping his feet against the floor like a child throwing a tantrum. He jogs to catch up to him but the other, noticing he was being chased, starts sprinting down the hallway. It’s only when they reach the elevator that the pursue has to come to an end, their choked up giggles get muffled by all the chatter around them and slowly fade away until they become silent.

Neither speaks again until the elevator stops. The rank one wouldn’t leave Donghyuck’s mind, he wondered if he’d get the chance to see him again so he could dig in deeper — not that he knew exactly what he was looking for, he could figure that out later though. “Watch out.” Jeno warns as he pulls Donghyuck closer to him with a scowl. “You’re daydreaming again.”

“Do you know more about that rank one?”

“Really?!” His best friend rolls his eyes and drags them both out in-between the crowd. “I should’ve never told you, you’re totally obsessed with this now.”

“Obviously! What did you expect?” Donghyuck pouts. “Should we wait for the rest? You seemed so excited to greet them and stuff.”

Jeno brightens up right away and his eyes disappear as a smile spreads across his face. “Yes, let's find a table nearby before they're all taken.”

  
  


Disappointment was all Donghyuck could feel after breakfast time was over. He hadn't seen the rank one at all, not even a glimpse in the distance. _Nada._   _Null._

“You're sulking.” Jeno points out with a chuckle as they head to the Aynoir, a big room where they'd be assigned their trials according to what titles they still had left. It was easy to guess what sort of tests they'd be put through, Donghyuck knew his would be mainly focused on physical tasks. He absolutely hated them and it was starting to get more and more frustrating as the years went by because the number of titles he gained per competition was diminishing as the only ones left became to be those where he'd have to exhibit muscle power — which was something he still very much lacked.

“Let me be.” He growls and flickers his friend's shoulder. “Man, i have a feeling i won't gain any titles this year.”

Jeno pats his back and then looks around frantically for a free cubicle that they could use. “Damnit, we have to wait in line somewhere.” He sighs deeply. “Hopefully they won't take too long.”

“Let's just spread out that'll be faster.” Yuta suggests and the rest nod.

They all stand in different lines but fairly close to each other. Chatting was nearly impossible though, the room was awfully crowded even with the hundreds of cubicles at their disposition.

Finally, the lights illuminating the egg looking thing turn green and the door opens. Jeno turns back to wave them all goodbye quickly before locking himself inside the bright room. He's told to close his eyes just as a laser runs up as down his body, then when a beep echoes inside telling the boy it was safe to open them again, Jeno is met with his own face and the rest of the information on his ID right in front of him. He cringes at how bad the picture was before pressing the **YES, THAT'S ME** button to proceed.

The trials were nothing new to him, he knew what to expect. Just as a sigh escapes his lips from looking at what he would have to deal with for the next month or so, a robotic sound catches his attention. A bright blue rubber bracelet is placed nearby the door like usual, it served as an alarm and to help him around the building too by showing him where he was and how to get to where he needed.

He admires the ugly thing and plays around a little bit to make sure it was functional before pointing its tiny screen at the hologram with the information. The bracelet beeps and then, when Jeno mutters “Trials” the same hologram appears just above his wrist.

The boy shakes his arm to make it vanish and then places his index on the screen in front of him to announce that he wanted to leave. The room switches into a faded neon green, then the door clicks open and slides slowly to the side so that he could walk out.

“So?” His best friend asks when he too comes back out.

“Same old, agility, intelligence, quick-thinking, a bunch of trials to fend for myself basically.” Jeno looks around to see if the rest had gotten out as well and then turns back to Donghyuck. “I don't think i will ever be out of this place, i haven't gotten any better in most of the trials after so many years of trying.”

His friend hesitates for a split second before pulling Jeno into a bear hug right in front of everyone. “You gotta believe in yourself the same way you believe in me!”

“But building strength comes down to you exercising more… I can't make myself smarter.”

Donghyuck pinches the boy's ear harshly making him hiss in pain. “There are ways to build up quick thinking now stop drowning in self-pity.” He clicks his tongue just as Renjun approaches them with his infamous poker face.

Jeno analyses the rank two for a little before putting on his polite smile and bending down slightly so the other could hear him better inside the crowded room. “What about you? What are your trials on?”

The boy's eyes drift in Jeno’s direction but the rest of his body stays in the exact same position, stone cold and with that perfect posture that Donghyuck so much wanted. “I am sure you can tell which kind would apply to me, it is not rocket science. Take a good look.” He extends his slim arm and presses his lips tightly against each other. “Use your brain.”

Donghyuck’s eyes widen, the sudden urge to beat Renjun to a pulp was almost unbearable, but just as he opens his mouth to scream at him, Jeno giggles. _Giggles._ “Ah yeah i don't use that very often, i suppose you can guess my trials now too.”

Renjun doesn't say anything, simply retracts his arm back to its normal place and stares with empty eyes at the people passing by. Donghyuck can only scoff at the entire thing, baffled that Jeno’s smile had been genuine and not from pure hurt like usual whenever he tried to pass off as if nothing ever hurt him. Except, unlike usual, that time around it really hadn't, and that made no sense to him.

He furrows his eyebrows at his best friend that mirrors his expression mockingly. “What? Why are you glaring at me?!”

Donghyuck open and closes his mouth but nothing comes out and by the time he starts speaking, Ten and Kun are already there and Jeno’s attention had deviated to them instead. He steals a quick glance at Renjun who was still standing in the same exact spot, if it wasn't for the way his chest rose and fell, Donghyuck might’ve been worried the boy was an embalmed doll. With his perfectly smooth skin, constant rolled back shoulders, slim figure and shiny hair, Renjun never seemed human to him. He didn't think he'd ever truly believe he was.

“Let's go!” Yuta shouts in the distance snapping him out of his thoughts. “They're saying there's food being served in the canteen already.”

Not even robot Renjun seems immune to the thought of a good meal, they all bolt behind Yuta so they could get there before it got too crowded.

  


“So how are your roommates?” Donghyuck asks while munching on his food, Jeno merely shrugs as a reply. Whereas he had been speaking of his roommates a lot and trailing behind them, his friend had barely even mentioned anything. Which was odd, Jeno got along with everyone in one way or another, everyone loved him from the get go. “Not good?”

“No, no.” The boy shakes his head and puts his chopsticks down calmly. “They are… Fine. Almost boring.” He admits quietly then snorts at how stupid he sounded. “They're just normal dudes, your roommates sound like so much fun though.”

“Yes indeed i am! And you haven't seen me at my full potential!” Ten quirks his eyebrow as a wicked smirk spreads across his face.

“God i don't know what that means and i don't think i want to.” Yuta grimaces.

Jeno shoots Donghyuck a look that read _This is what i mean_ making both chuckle. Even Renjun, that barely spoke much at all especially when the time for Korean came along, had his funny outbursts. So he supposed Jeno was right, his roommates were quite amusing, much more than he could've ever expected them to be.

“Jeno gotta move in with us.” Ten blurts out while chewing on a piece of an apple that he sneakily stole from Kun’s tray.

“Where'd he sleep, genius?” Yuta butts in again and rolls his eyes at the other who flips him off.

Jeno looks over to Donghyuck. “If that were possible i would just share Hyuck’s bed and we'd be all set.”

“I don't remember agreeing to this.”

“I know you would do it.” His friend bats his eyelashes and curls the sides of his mouth smugly like a cat. “Wouldn't you, Hyuckie.”

Donghyuck looks horrified at the little display of affection in front of people they barely even knew, he pushes the other off him and clears his throat loudly to shut him up. Ten quirks his eyebrow when their eyes meet which doesn't help how embarrassed he felt with the entire situation, if Donghyuck could he would jump inside a hole and never come back out.

Kun probably noticed just how red his face had become for he decided to change topics entirely. “I heard two rank fives were accepted this year.” He whispers dramatically and then grins brightly when a wave of gasps follows. “One is quite young, i’ve seen him. Must be about you guy's age.”

Jeno turns to look at his best friend and Donghyuck didn't need him to speak to know what he was thinking. It was the oddest year so far, a rank one and rank fives being among them was one of a kind experience, and he was not about to throw the opportunity to get to know them out of the window. “How does he look like?” Donghyuck’s big expressive eyes stare right into Kun’s as if begging the older for more information.

“Stop giving me puppy eyes.” He snorts. “His nose is pointy like a little mouse, he's very pretty in fact. Doesn't look like a rank five at all. If i ever see him around when you're with me i will tell you.”

Donghyuck leans against his chair with a huff. He wanted to speak to the boy as soon as possible, maybe he was too curious for his own good but just like rank ones were rare in his little world, so were rank fives. The thirst for knowledge clouded his mind of rationality, and he knew for certain that he would not fear the boy as much as the rank one he had been chasing the last few days, he just hoped to not scare him away by approaching him suddenly if they were ever to cross paths. Donghyuck knew himself well enough, he would waste no time in trying to become friends with the lower rank.

Of course, he wasn't the only that knew of this. Jeno places his hand on Donghyuck’s thigh and squeezes lightly to grab his attention and then shakes his head weakly. “Don't get too many ideas.” He sighs. “Neither me nor Kun can be certain that the rumours we have heard are true.”

“Well.” The boy shrugs. “Someone has to find out if they're true or not then.”

The other bores his eyes on Donghyuck’s as a sign of disappointment, but also defeat. He knew he could not stop his friend once his mind was set on something, there was no point in wasting his breath. So he doesn't, the food was far more appealing anyways.

  
  


It's no surprise to him to see Renjun follow in the same direction as him after lunch break was over. Looking at his frail body, it was obvious that the last trials the boy had to manage through were the physical ones. He wondered just how long Renjun had been trying, or how much worse the boy was compared to him.

They enter the big sport's hall and sit next to each other without uttering a single word. After all, being with his roommate was better than having to be alone. Even if that roommate wasn't his favourite in the universe or close to it.

“Good afternoon.” A man stands in the middle of one of the courts, his voice echoes loudly inside the building waking every living soul that had dared to doze off. “The trials shall not begin until tomorrow, however i must warm up your muscles so that i don't get as many failures as last year. Understood?”

Everyone replies with a loud _Yes_ at the same time, but as Donghyuck looked around, most of them looked like they had lost all faith of actually winning anything. A large percentage had probably been forced to join by their parents who, just like his own, wished for their children to rise in the social ladder the highest possible.

“Alright, go change and get back here in ten minutes. I don't want any of you to be late!” And with that, a wave of people start sprinting towards the changing rooms, Renjun almost gets stomped on while trying to get up and follow the crowd but Donghyuck had thankfully noticed and helped him up. The other had done nothing more than mumble a _Thanks_ before disappearing in the crowd leaving Donghyuck behind.

“Right.” He scoffs while jogging alongside everyone else. “See if i help you ever again, ungrateful midget.”

 

There were hundreds of young people packed like sardines inside the room, but all it took was a mere glimpse of that infamous face for Donghyuck’s brain to go into emergency mode.

He changes as quickly as possible and tries to make sure to not lose track of the boy while doing so, except when he the locker’s monitor finally finishes processing the palm of his hand, the rank one was nowhere to be seen.

“Damnit” Donghyuck growls while heading out to the court, his eyes scanned every single person he came across but it seemed the boy had evaporated into thin air. He does end up finding Renjun, and as much as he would much rather ignore the other, his brain wouldn't stop nagging him to reach out to him so he wouldn't feel so lonely.

The shorter boy eyes him up and down with a quirked eyebrow then drifts his eyes forward to the instructor. If Donghyuck could, he probably would've wrapped his hand around the boy's thin neck and snapped it in half, he knew a judgy look when he saw one. And that had definitely been the case.

“As you know, probably, but i must repeat in case there are any newbies in the batch, you must activate your bracelet and it will inform you of the assignments we have left for you. This court might be big, but clearly it is not possible to fit you all here if we are to do some exercise. Hence why we must head outside.” Just as he finishes speaking, the big metal doors slide open to reveal the forest that surrounded them. It was nothing new for Donghyuck, he already knew what the warm-up would be like as he had done it since he had first enlisted. However that didn't mean he wasn't as nervous about it as the first time.

To be fair he hated running above anything else, he ended up forgetting how to breathe properly not even five minutes in which would leave him an awful burning pain in his chest for the entirety of the workout. Renjun however didn't seem to be bothered in the slightest, then again there was no way Donghyuck could tell if the boy's expressions were the reflection of his true emotions. So, just for the sake of his pride, Donghyuck tells himself his roommate was just as terrified of what was to come as he was.

“Alright, don't be afraid. There are no wolves in the woods, there might be some other dangers however. But your bracelet will guide through thick and thin! You just have to listen to it carefully, and try not to get lost, of course.” A sadistic smile forms on his face. “There is a map you can use, so don't be stupid and make life hard for us. We might just end up leaving you out there to die if we aren't feeling so generous.”

Donghyuck gulps then turns on his bracelet, it glows for a few seconds before scanning the boy's face. It unlocks with a happy beep and then a map pops up in front of him. “You've always managed, you will manage now too.” He whispers to himself before shaking his wrist so the map would disappear.

“Whenever you're ready, you can go.” Is the last thing the man says before leaving through the door they had come from.

“Coming?” Renjun asks and points outside.

Donghyuck nods filled with conviction, he refused to show the other that he felt like he was about to pee himself thinking about the fact that he would have to run for, most likely, his life. “Let's go.”

The first five minutes go by in a bliss, his body wasn't aching and his throat didn't burn just yet. That was, until they reached a little valley. Renjun, who had tried to stay ahead, stops abruptly and when Donghyuck reaches out to him he finds an almost ghost looking boy trying to catch his breath as if he was about to pass out.

“The most important isn't how fast we run but the percentage of time we are on the move.” He pats the boy's back and shoots him a sympathetic look. “So don't run too fast and find your pace.”

Except when they back to running, Donghyuck feels a sharp pain in the left part of his ribcage. Soon the cool air hurts his throat too, but he jogs next to Renjun either way even if it felt he might black out at any second. He tries focusing on the rhythmic sounds of their shoes hitting the leaf covered ground, it works for quite some time until Renjun somehow falls onto the ground and snaps him out of his daze.

“Are you okay?” He asks and grabs the boy's arm gently to try and help him up but Renjun shakes him off and gets up on his feet by himself. Donghyuck rolls his eyes as soon as the other tries sprinting away, he thought his pride was easily hurt but _Renjun…_ Renjun seemed to be something else entirely.

With his focus long gone, every aching sensation in his body seemed to have become ten times more unbearable. Donghyuck tries focusing on the view of the forest surrounding him, they were still in the beginning of the run in which the vegetation wasn't very sturdy. There weren't many trees around just yet, and if they didn't get to the inner part of the forest before the sun started to set, then they would be in big trouble. Well, maybe not so much, but a few years back he had lagged behind which meant he had to go through the forest with only the faint light coming from his bracelet as a guide and it wasn't an experience he'd like to repeat.

There were animal sounds all around, each time either of them broke a twig as they ran through the now more earthy pathways, a few birds would fly from their hiding spots and chirp louder. Silence would follow for a few seconds and then the faint sounds of wild animals would return. As much as Donghyuck was aware that those were most likely dears and other inoffensive creatures, his brain still sent red flags down his body to prepare for a fight or flight situation.

He turns on his bracelet to check just how much they had ran so far only to find out they had just about gone through half of the total. His groan was loud enough to trigger Renjun’s curiosity for the boy turns around to check if everything was alright. “Halfway there…”

“Only?!” Renjun cries out and looks up at the sky. “I would say…We go faster… But i physically cannot.” He wheezes out and licks his dry lips.

Donghyuck nods, he knew there was no way they could go any faster, which meant they'd probably have to go through the forest with minimal lighting for at least a portion of it. Unlike before, he at least had Renjun by his side, though if it came down to fighting or running for their lives, it wasn't like the boy would be much help. Still, he gave some sort of emotional support.

“It's getting cold.” Donghyuck whispers and rubs his hands on his arms to create warmth but it didn't do much.

“We are being slow.” Renjun gulps harshly to ease the burning sensation in his throat. “Far too slow to be warm enough.”

His voice comes out so hoarse that Donghyuck has difficulty understanding with the wind blowing mercilessly against his ears. “You suppose we go quicker?!”

“No.” He shakes his head. “My muscle mass cannot cope with a higher speed, not for as long as we must run still.”

“I cannot believe you just admitted to being weak.” Donghyuck snorts.

Renjun glares at him from the corner of his eyes. “I am stating facts, i cannot deny those.” He almost _growls_ and that's how Donghyuck knows he managed to get under the boy's skin. “Let's hope we don't end up sick.”

They don't speak anymore, not until the sky turns into a faint orange adorned with pink clouds meaning they didn't have long until their surroundings became pitch black. Donghyuck checks the map once more, they still had two kilometers or so of forest to get through. No way in hell they'd manage out of there before the sun disappeared in the horizon.

He runs closer to Renjun who gives him a knowing look. At least they were almost nearly over, and he had finally become accustomed to the aching sensations all over his body to the point where he barely processed them. Surely they could finish it in less than one hour.

A strong wind blast hits them both right in the face, faint sounds of people grunting and complaining come from behind them which makes Donghyuck chuckle for a split second before his whole body starts shaking. He turns to Renjun only to find the other quivering and doing his best as warming himself up, his skin was filled with goosebumps that refused to leave. They lock eyes for a split second before Renjun goes back to pretending he was fine, Donghyuck, once again, can't help but roll his eyes.

The trees gradually become smaller and less dense, the sun was completely gone by then but Donghyuck found comfort in the way his and Renjun’s feet hit the floor precisely at the same time and so the dark wasn't scary anymore. He wasn't alone after all. “Almost there.” Donghyuck informs above the sounds of nature surrounding them. An owl hoots just above him as if complaining about the noise so he lowers his volume. “We should be finished in fifteen minutes.”

Renjun growls in desperation. “God that's so long.”

“We've been running for almost two hours, i think we should manage.” Donghyuck jokes earning himself a smack in his bicep by Renjun. “I think i won't be able to move tomorrow.” He complains while massaging his throat. “Or speak.”

“Guess something good does come out of these trials.” Renjun snorts and tries running away faster so Donghyuck wouldn't return the favour and smack him too.

 

The moment they come inside the big hall once again Donghyuck can't help but let his knees collapse against the floor with pure exhaustion. He had spent his free time training his resistance for those trials and they seemed to have worked for he had finished way earlier than he had ever before, but his body wasn't built for those things and he wasn't sure if he could even drag himself to the changing rooms after all that.

He scans the room in search of Renjun and finds the boy laying starfished on the floor with his chest rising up and down in such a way that made Donghyuck worry for his well-being. Just for a split second, of course. “I'm heading out.” He notifies the other though he didn't quite know why, he supposed spending that long next to the boy had triggered his team spirit.

“Holdon.” Renjun crawls for a bit before managing to bring himself up with his wobbly legs. “Let's go.”

What Donghyuck had forgotten was that Renjun was granted a private shower cubicle since he was part of the higher ranks, and so when he sees the boy head in the direction of his designated showering area, hatred flows in his veins once again. He doesn't even say goodbye to Renjun before following straight ahead towards the _peasant_ class, which meant shared showers with complete strangers.

The warm water hits harshly against his skin and seems to loosen every knot in his muscles, Donghyuck lets out a loud sigh as he massages his thigh while spreading the shower gel all over his body. “Can i use this?” Someone asks bringing him back to reality, thus reminding him of just how nude he was in front of so many boys. He blinks back at the strangers before looking at the blinking red button being pointed at by the other. “Mine’s ran out of shampoo.”

He nods and takes a step back to give the boy space to fill his cupped hands with shampoo. Donghyuck scratches his forearm and looks around awkwardly to distract himself from how close he was to the stranger, except something snatches his attention away from it all. After rubbing his eyes enough for them to start aching, Donghyuck comes to the conclusion that the boy a few meters away from him was indeed _the_ rank one.

It didn't make any sense. “All good, thanks.” The boy bows down slightly before heading back under his shower head, but Donghyuck cannot even react nor say a simple _Welcome_. His attention was solemnly focused on the mysterious rank one that definitely should not be showering among them.

He washes himself the quickest he could and heads to the shared changing rooms where he watches out for whoever left the showers so that he wouldn't lose sight of the boy. Finally the rank one seems to come out with his towel wrapped around his waist tightly, shamelessly flaunting his to die for physique. All the doubts of Jeno having gotten the wrong guy fly out of the window, there was no way a lower rank had such a perfectly carved torso, not even Jeno could compare. Donghyuck had to rip his eyes away him before he come off as weird, the last thing he needed was to grab attention to himself in that way.

When the other stands up and heads for the door Donghyuck trails behind silently, he follows him for quite a few minutes analysing his behaviour to see if he could observe anything out of the ordinary. _Nothing_. Still, he keeps on going until the courage to finally open his mouth to speak which happens just as at the end of the massive hallway leading towards the common grounds.

“Stop acting like you're something when you're not.” Donghyuck blurts out and stops just a few meters behind the rank one.

The boy flinches, then turns around slightly to see who had spoken. It seemed he had been drained of all colour, his already pale face now looked as white as the walls surrounding them, and that only gave Donghyuck the certainty that the boy was, in fact, the rank one everyone seemed to be talking about. “Excuse me?”

“Rank ones should shower with rank twos, nobody wishes to deal with public showers unless they enjoy getting every inch of their body observed by random strangers.” He quirks his eyebrow. “But i doubt that's the reason you do it.”

“Listen.” The boy begins with a slightly shaky voice that he coughs away immediately. “What do you want?”

“I don't know i suppose i have to give this some good thought.” Donghyuck licks his lips and takes a step forward, he could see fear dancing in the boy's eyes. He relishes it. “I'll speak to you again when i figure that out though.”

The rank one nods politely but doesn't budge, instead his perfect postured body stands still in the same exact spot waiting for orders, or to be dismissed. It was weird, Donghyuck always thought rank twos were bad, but seeing the rank one act as if he was some sort of dog was even weirder. Their discipline was uncanny, odd, scary even.

“This isn't my wish, but can i get your name?”

The other hesitates, though he was very good at acting calm, Donghyuck could still see the anxiety though his shaky eyes. “Mark.”

“Okay.” The boy shoots him a yellow smile. “I'm Donghyuck. Till next time, Mark.” Is all he says before walking past him with a smug look plastered on his face.

 

_Jackpot._

 


	4. an ally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ❝ _Self-enjoyment in vanity._ The vain man wants not only to stand out, but also to feel outstanding, and therefore rejects no means to deceive and outwit himself. Not the opinion of others, but his opinion of their opinion is what he cares about.❞

**D** onghyuck was completely aware that the longer he stayed in bed, the less time he had to get ready for breakfast. His entire body ached though, he didn't need to move for his muscles to scream for help. The boy wondered how in the world he was supposed to workout for the next week or so when he was _that_ sore, just the thought of leaving that bed was terrifying. 

“Donghyuck get the fuck up.” Yuta clanks his toothbrush against the metal bars of the top bunk before disappearing inside the bathroom again. 

The youngest whimpers while trying his best to sit up, earning himself an eye roll from Ten. “What do you want….? It really hurts!” He flips the other off and crawls closer to the stairs. Each time his feet touched the metallic frame, a moan would escape his lips from the way his muscles burnt beneath his skin. His legs refused to stop wobbling as if they were made of jelly, which was pretty humiliating considering Renjun — who was far skinnier than he was — seemed to be holding up quite well. 

“Need help?” The rank two asks, very much to everyone's surprise. 

Donghyuck, trying to prove himself and everyone around him that he was capable of handling it on his own, skips the last step of the stairs and jumps onto the floor. Except his legs were far too weak for such adventurous manoeuvres and the boy ends up collapsing on the floor, knees hitting the cold surface with a loud thud that made everyone inside the room grimace simultaneously. 

“Shit.” He mutters and then howls in pain. “SHIT.”

“Fucking idiot.” Ten chuckles while putting on his shirt, Kun smacks him in the ribs and sprints to Donghyuck who kept on hissing in pain. 

“Do you need anything?” 

The boy shakes his head, Kun’s worry made him feel like a little stupid kid. Which, he supposed he was. He should’ve known better, but it just felt so unfair that Renjun could recover so quickly while he felt like his legs had a total of five percent of energy left in them. And _maybe_ the little kid that still lived inside of him could not tolerate the idea of someone being better than him. 

“He deserves that one for acting stupid.” Ten presses and, admittedly, _he was right_ but that didn't mean Donghyuck would miss the chance to flip him off once more. “Get up already we have like twelve minutes left.”

Donghyuck breathes in sharply and, with the help of Kun, manages to stand up. His legs quiver a few times as if he was a little fawn, but once they become more stable, the boy wastes no time in getting ready. In a blink of an eye, he was already putting on his shoes and heading to the bathroom to brush his teeth. 

“I suppose suddenly your muscles are fine again?” Ten says while leaning against the door frame with a smirk, Donghyuck knew he was just trying to rile him up and perhaps it was the lack of sleep from having stayed awake till late figuring out what favour to ask the rank one that was keeping him on the edge, but he can't help the anger from bubbling inside his chest nevertheless. 

“I am not faking it.” He speaks through gritted teeth while fixing his hair. “When was the last time you got laid, hyung?”

The older’s eyes become round in shock at the sudden question. “What-”

“You're far too whiny, must be lack of sex.” Donghyuck snorts then grabs his toothbrush and walks past the other — and makes sure to bump his shoulder against Ten’s while he's at it. Inside the room, everyone follows his every move with a shocked expression on their faces. Even Renjun that usually lacked emotion seemed to be just as scandalised. 

“What would you know about that you damn virgin?!” Ten finally shrieks back when he comes back to his senses. 

“Exactly, i would know all about it.” Donghyuck laughs loudly knowing he had just won the argument. “Am i not always whiny?”

Ten stands in the hallway with his mouth slightly open for quite some time, long enough for a potential fly to fly right in. The room falls silent, so silent that Yuta’s little muffled giggles are impossible to ignore. 

“Stop fucking laughing Yuta.” Ten snarls and kicks the boy's leg. 

“Hey now.” Kun intervenes by pushing them apart, though Yuta seemed far too busy laughing his head off to fight back anyways. “No fighting.”

“We have to go now.” Renjun informs already on his way to the door. “If we go now we might still get a proper table.”

Of course, the first thing he sees as soon as he opens the door is Jeno with his infamous eye smile greeting him. Donghyuck snorts when Renjun walks right past the boy without a single Good Morning, he couldn't understand why his friend was so keen in getting close to the rank two. Maybe there was an obscure reason that he failed to spot. 

“You act like you're his puppy.” He teases but Jeno merely shrugs at that. “Why are you so obsessed?”

“I don't know. He seems interesting.”

“Think you're mixing up mysterious and interesting.” Donghyuck rolls his eyes as he scans Renjun from head to toe, he still couldn't believe such a fragile looking person wasn't suffering from awful muscle cramps. _Stupid perfect gene selection._

Jeno shrugs once more. “Maybe you're right.”

“I'm _always_ right.” 

“Shut up annoying virgin!” Ten shouts right behind him making them all laugh out loud, Renjun even has the audacity to turn around and laugh straight in his face as if he wasn't an annoying virgin himself. What a joke. 

Instead of fighting back, however, he opts on flipping Ten off a third time and smacking Jeno’s bicep for having laughed at the stupid joke — which, much to his dismay, only makes the boy bark yet another laugh. 

_Who needs fake friends when you got a Lee Jeno, uh?_

 

 

 

He doesn't expect to be lucky enough to come face to face with the rank one so soon, but it seemed that whatever higher force controlled the universe was on his side that day. 

“Where are you going?!” Jeno looks so indignant to see his best friend get up not even five minutes after they had found a spot they could all sit together, but he could shoot Donghyuck all the puppy eyes he wanted and that still wouldn't make the boy decide against going over to where Mark was sitting. 

“Business.” Is all he says before grabbing his tray and walking the fastest he could without knocking his glass cup over. 

The dumbfounded look on Mark's face is priceless, it almost manages to make Donghyuck get out of character and chuckle. But he had to keep a serious face, though Jeno promised him that the pokerface did _not_ make him look any more intimidating than his normal one. Still, Mark did seem like he might shit his pants at any given moment so clearly he was doing something right. 

“Good morning to you too.” The boy quirks both his eyebrows up then takes a gulp of his orange juice. “I know what i want.”

“Okay.” Mark exhales then nods. “Shoot.”

Except Donghyuck has no clue how to phrase his demands, but he has to _and quickly_ otherwise he'd look like a fool just sitting there staring at Mark's face with unfocused eyes. “I guess some money wouldn't hurt.” He mumbles, thinking of how university would start soon enough and he'd hate to strain his parents further. “But the real thing i want is, uh…” Mark tilts his head, as if he were a confused puppy — his annoyingly big round eyes did not help Donghyuck concentrate on constructing a proper sentence. “I just need you to answer to all my questions, _all_. I know i can't know if you're lying but i will keep that in mind anyways.”

“What?” The other looks genuinely confused. Donghyuck wished he had thought some more before heading to his table like that, but now he had no way of turning back in time. 

“As you probably can guess i don't meet rank ones all that often.” Donghyuck explains calmly — which was the very contrary of how he truly felt. “There's many things i am curious about and this is the perfect opportunity to finally get what i want.”

“So that's it?” He blinks once, then about three times very quickly. 

“Yes, and some cash. You can also probably guess i am not swimming in money like you are.”

Mark nods weakly, still looking shocked and quite confused, but at least it seemed they had made a deal. “I'll see you around then.” Donghyuck grabs his tray and walks right back next to Jeno before the rank one could utter a single word. 

There, he gets quite a few weird looks from his roommates and best friend but nobody asks questions. And he's glad. 

 

 

 

Physical trials always managed to make Donghyuck consider jumping right out of the window, but _practice_? That was an even bigger evil. 

First of all, it was boring. They were given their routine through the bracelet and then left practically on their own for hours on end, which was possibly the most tedious thing the boy was forced to endure. And he had been taking Math lessons since he could remember, so that was clearly saying something. 

Second, even after years of having to go through the same experience, he still lacked the knowledge of how to use some of the machines assigned to him and there was no way in hell he was going to ask someone about it. Though he supposed looking like an idiot by doing the exercises wrong was possibly just as humiliating, but because he wasn't necessarily aware that he looked stupid it didn't hurt his ego as much. 

“Staring at the wall won't get you out of here.” Renjun mumbles as he walks past with weights in both his hands, the sight makes Donghyuck snort but the other boy's glare screamed _I Won't Hesitate On Throwing These Right In Your Stupid Face_ so he tries his best to cover it up with a loud cough. 

“I'm aware, genius.”

“Doesn't seem like it.”

Donghyuck grabs the heavy ball sitting nearby and rises it above his head ready to swing it right on top of the rank two, surely that'd break his scalp in half seeing how weak looking the boy was. “Go back to using your five kilogram weights and leave.” He snarls then flinches when Renjun threatens to smack him with the tiny weights — no matter how small they were, he was confident that he would not enjoy them in contact with his cranium. 

He's left all by himself once more, well not quite. There were boys and girls all around him, maybe if he was actually alone he would already be done with the stupid exercises. Instead he sits back down and analyses a girl a few meters away to understand how that specific machine worked, and even then when she finally leaves and Donghyuck tries giving it a shot, it seems he gets short-term memory and finds himself unable to use the damned thing. 

“I'm doomed.” The boy whispers to himself with his head hanging upside down, not only his stomach was on full display, he too didn't have a single idea how was supposed to get the machine to go back to standing position. 

“Need help?” Someone asks much to his dismay, and he was so sure of who it was that he doesn't even bother to actually check. Surely that'd somewhat spare him from feeling even more humiliated than he already felt. 

“Just.” He clears his throat and focuses his whole energy on his stomach, but the machine doesn't budge. “A push. Is all.”

The boy does as he's told and then, when Donghyuck is back to the normal position, he is faced with the one person he should really be making a good impression on. “Maybe your first question to me should be how to use the machine?”

Donghyuck bites the inside of his cheek to calm himself down, but he swore he could feel the vapour rise above his head. “Maybe.” He gets off and lets Mark use it instead. He did have an unlimited amount of questions he could ask, it was just that by allowing the other to brag about how good he was at everything wouldn't help his efforts to belittle him. Though he supposed making a rank one feel pathetically useless was near impossible. He was still willing to take up the challenge nevertheless. 

“Got it?” Mark asks softly then steps aside so Donghyuck could get on the machine again. “Now you try.”

The boy breathes in sharply and tries remembering what exactly the boy had done, thankfully he manages to complete one set without making a fool out of himself. 

“See? Easy peasy.” He chirps and stares at Donghyuck with an innocence that made the other almost feel bad. _Almost_. “Well, i’ll be going now. Enjoy.” Mark mumbles quietly when he notices that Donghyuck wasn't going to speak much more. 

There could be many things the boy disliked about rank ones but it seemed oblivion and stupidity could not be added to the list, though that was probably a taken seeing how they were supposed to be prodigies. 

He watches Mark with his eyes as the boy vanishes in the middle of a mess of machines and people, then looks up at the ceiling and sighs. Truth be told he had absolutely no clue how he was supposed to get information out of the rank one without building some sort of connection with him. Because if he wanted truthful genuine answers, surely he wouldn't get them by acting the way he was, but to think of being nice and showing weakness in front of those he disliked the most just didn't sit well with him. 

 _It doesn't matter_. The boy thinks. In the end he would just have to take whatever Mark said as a grain of salt and always keep it in the back of his mind in case they ought to be true. 

 

Jeno adjusts the little metal piece glued to the side of his head and then rolls his shoulders back to loosen up. He blinks rapidly while staring at the object in front of him, a simple normal pen not much longer than his middle finger. It shouldn't be hard at all to move, everyone around him seemed to have gotten the hang of it, yet there he was; seemingly unable to move it by a smidgen. Needless to say he was quite frustrated with himself which probably did not help, but he couldn't believe that he was incapable of such an easy task, it was too infuriating. 

“Hey.” He hears behind him and jumps like a scared cat. A low chuckle rings in his ears as the owner of the voice shows up in his camp of vision showcasing the whitest teeth Jeno had probably ever seen in his lifetime. “I noticed you were stuck?”

“Sadly.” The boy frowns cutely making the other laugh. 

“That's alright, i struggle sometimes too. Can i try something that hopefully will help?” He inquires carefully which reassures him that the boy hadn't come with malicious intentions, or so it seemed. When Jeno finally nods, he proceeds. “Okay try to forget everyone in the room just stare at the pen as if it's the only thing in the universe.”

Jeno quirks his eyebrows up and tilts his head, _well that sounded pretty easy_. Except the loud chatter all around him was a constant reminder that he was one if not the last to complete the task. He finds himself unable to concrete as his insecurities build up inside his chest.

It seemed the stranger noticed for he comes closer again and pats his back. “I know you feel bad but we can't all ace at everything, not even rank ones can be perfect.” He comforts Jeno with such ease that the boy can't help but wonder if he was speaking to a psychologist. “Just really try to focus solemnly on the pen.”

He does try, and for what seemed to be another full hour the boy doesn't manage to make any progress. Until finally his brain drifts away, he thinks of Donghyuck and wonders what his friend was up to, a smile spreads across his face at the promise of a series of whining about how sports were Satan's creation. 

“You're doing it!” The stranger exclaim making Jeno snap back to reality only to be greeted with a floating pen. “You did it!”

“I did?” He comes closer to the object to make sure he was seeing it right and then turns to the other boy. “I did!”

The pen collapses on top of the table with a faint clink, but Jeno couldn't care less. His confidence had risen back up again (even if very slightly).

He tries to do it again and succeeds earning himself yet another pat in the back by the kind stranger. “Thank you so much. I owe you, dude.” Jeno bows down a few times to show how grateful he felt, it was over the top but the boy deemed it necessary. Without the extra help he doubted he would've found the mental strength to believe in himself, which already said a lot about why he had repeated so many trials over the years. It seemed he was unable to strengthen his mind with the same ease as he strengthened his body, but at that very moment at least he felt slightly more confident that he might have a chance of passing — even if a slim one — and that was already good enough for him. 

“Glad i was of help!” The boy chirps. “Well, i’ll hopefully see you around then. Good luck with everything!”

“You too!” He grins as brightly and politely as he can, and it's only many minutes later that it hits him that he had totally forgotten to ask for the stranger's name. 

Jeno rubs his forehead and sighs deeply. There was no time to worry about such things, he had a whole rock waiting to be levitated right in front of him. 

 

 

Donghyuck had grown quite fond of his little routine of sitting with his roommates and Jeno during eating breaks, in fact he looked forward to it throughout most of his day. It seemed that that year around he had gotten lucky with who he had been assigned to share a dorm with. He could still resent Renjun in many ways but, for a rank two, he was quite bearable. Usually rank twos were what Donghyuck assumed to be the slightly less arrogant version of a rank one, meaning; most could not wait a second to brag about literally everything in their lives. Of course, that was just general, but so far it was a rarity to find higher ranks that did spend every waking second babbling about how good their life was. 

Though, he supposed it was normal that Renjun would shut his mouth when he was constantly surrounded by rank threes that would not hesitate to smack him if he were to say something that displeased them. 

“I almost didn't manage to complete the most basic exercises today had it not been for this random dude that saw i was struggling.” Jeno shares when Kun asks them all about their day. 

“Really?” Yuta quirks one of his eyebrows up. “Nice people still exist?”

The boy chuckles then nods. “I thought the exact same, till now i can’t stop imagining possible explanations. Not that i found any that made much sense, so he was probably just a nice dude.”

“Yeah right.” Donghyuck butts in bitterly but Jeno doesn't even bother even acknowledging his presence. 

“Either way.” He continues. “Didn't see him afterwards, i wanted to ask for his name maybe i could repay him with a drink.”

“Damn asking a stranger out like that, a bold one you are.” Ten snorts making Kun choke on his food. 

“Ten!” He wheezes out and tries alleviating his now sore throat with a sip of water. “Don't say stuff like that.”

The other clicks his tongue. “Why? Because that'd be gay?” He gets his response right away when Kun shrieks loudly at the mere mention of the word ‘gay’. The boy rolls his eyes at that and sighs deeply. “Best they can do is take away one of my titles anyways. Stop acting so scandalised.”

An awkward silence falls over them afterwards. Instead of trying to break the ice everyone decides to focus on their food instead. All apart from Ten, whose face was slightly redder than usual, though Donghyuck couldn't tell if it was from annoyance or embarrassment, or maybe both.

He stares as the boy nibbles his meat with unfocused eyes, his mind was clearly in a whole different universe, Donghyuck couldn't help but wonder which exactly. After the initial shock caused by the sudden comment fades away, Donghyuck finds himself smiling. Clearly Ten was on his side even if he himself wasn't like him, at least he clearly seemed to advocate for more humane treatment. That was enough for him.

Suddenly it was as if his heart had reached out to Ten’s and created a bond as strong as iron. Never before had he heard someone speak so fearlessly about such a taboo topic, it sparked a wave of happiness in him but he had to repress it the best he could to not raise any suspicion towards him. 

It was utterly cowardly on his side, but Donghyuck felt too naked at the thought of anyone ever knowing he wasn't what they assumed he was. All he could do was wish was that one day he could be as audacious as Ten was for he refused to hide himself like a frightened child until he took his last breath. 


	5. hell week

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ❝ Dangerous helpfulness. There are people who want to make men's lives more difficult for no other reason than afterwards to offer them their prescriptions for making life easier ❞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took me so so long whew i'm sorry i just kinda suck at action scenes so it takes me longer to write!! i'm not happy at all with this chapter but i didn't want to stay another day without posting grrr

‘ **H** ell Week’ as Donghyuck often referred to it as went by fairly quickly that year around. Everyday went by in a blur, he would have to force himself out of bed knowing the majority of his day would be spent doing the same boring exercises inside a cramped gym, and once that would be over the boy would be far too tired to do anything that didn't involve him resting his exhausted limbs. It was as if nothing mattered more than his bed, he couldn't even get himself to hangout with Jeno the entire week.

Sunday comes around eventually which meant Donghyuck finally got his highly awaited chance to rest for an entire day before the actual trials would begin — which he definitely wasn't looking forward to either, but they were far better than being forced to workout.

“Hey lazy asshole.” Someone calls out to him but the boy couldn't be bothered to reply nor show that he had heard it, so he remains still as if he was still asleep. “Jeno's looking for you, he's acting like a lost puppy searching for its owner.”

Donghyuck sighs loudly and cracks one eye open to find Kun staring at him with a slightly annoyed expression. “Just let him in.”

The other nods and then the sound of the door clicking open echoes inside the room just a few seconds later. “Hyuck!” Jeno chirps then pouts when he sees his friend starfished on his bed. “It's our free day, don't tell me you'll spend it like this.”

“I was planning on sleeping until at least three.” Donghyuck admits and scans the walls to find the clock's hologram. It was just about ten minutes past midday. He grunts but sits up nevertheless. “I'm dying inside.”

His friend wiggles his fingers and chuckles. “I can massage you, but only if you join us at the arcade.”

“This is bribing, where are your morals, Lee?”

“It's a tough world.” Jeno pokes his tongue out and pats the boy's knee. “C’mon, please?”

It does take some time and some more whining to get Donghyuck finally jump down his bunk and begin changing himself into something that did not scream _I Am Homeless._ Though, if it hadn't been for Jeno's reprimanding glare, he would've just gone with his hole and paint filled oversized T-shirt. “See if i care.” He had said but his friend refused to let him leave the room with it, so he had no other option. "I don't even want to go."

The other clicks his tongue while holding the door open. "Do it for me." He bats his eyelashes in an attempt to look cute, which somewhat works.

"I'm doing this for the promised massages actually." Donghyuck covers Jeno's face with his hand. "Now stop doing that you look like a fool."

"You do know i'm awful at massages, right?" Before Donghyuck could run back inside, the boy slams the door and stands right in front of it. "Jeno one, Donghyuck zero." He grins smugly earning a smack on his bicep from his friend who looked like he was at the brink of murdering him. 

"I'm revoking your friendship card."

"Ohh i'm  _so_ scared."

"Prick."

Jeno chuckles and begins dragging his friend along the hall. "Love it when you give me cute pet names!" 

Donghyuck grumbles a series of curses and doesn't stop until they're inside the elevator already on their way to the archade. Since he couldn't run back to his dorm anymore, he thought he might as well use the ride to rest some more using Jeno's shoulder as a pillow. 

 

 

 

Somehow a quite small yet important detail had slipped off his mind that entire week due to the exhaustion.

By the far corner, next to the television, sat Mark with a book in his hands, however his eyes were fixed on the screen instead. It's then that it hits him.

“Ah shit.” Donghyuck mumbles to himself.

“You said something?”

“No, nevermind.”

The rank one had vanished from his mind during Hell Week, they hadn't managed to cross paths ever since he had helped him with the machine. He couldn't believe he had forgotten all about him and, more importantly, their deal which had a time limit. As soon as the trials were over, so was his chance of getting information out of Mark.

“I'll catch onto you later.”

Jeno frowns. “Why? Where are you going?”

Donghyuck drifts his eyes in Mark's direction then back to his friend's who opens his mouth slightly as realisation hits him. “Business.”

“You're so shameless.”

“Gotta do what i gotta do, it's a tough world.” He mocks with a smirk before walking towards the television with what he hoped to be a relaxed posture.

Mark, noticing the new presence, looks up at him with his big doe eyes that sparkled under the various lights inside the room. “You.” He whispers and follows Donghyuck with his gaze as the boy sits down next to him on the couch.

“Me.” He snorts and then clicks his tongue. “I forgot entirely about our deal. So, can i ask some more things now?”

The rank one looks around and, when he finds that the nearest person was at least five meters away, nods. “Yeah, shoot.”

Donghyuck crosses his legs then licks his lips. “You go to a private school, right?” Mark nods. “Tell me about it. I bet it's different than ours.”

The other quirks his eyebrows then chuckles lightly. “Ah my school… Well, one of the biggest issues with it is that teachers are practically useless now, apart from assigning us homework and tests, most lessons are given virtually with videos they have recorded previously.” Donghyuck scrunches up his nose at that and Mark nods. “Exactly, we have a lesson per week for each subject where we are electronics free. Probably because they need to show that they deserve their pay or something.” He shrugs then runs his hand through his hair. “More… Do you guys have to use uniforms?”

“They tried to implement it, but you can guess the result.”

Mark smirks at that then continues. “Lucky you. Our uniform is pretty damn ugly, navy blue and beige, and we can't enter the school if it isn't immaculate. Sometimes strangers come by to check the conditions so they keep everything the most tied up possible.” He steals a quick glance at Donghyuck who seemed to be listening attentively. “Which in turn means you can barely do anything in school, no misbehaving or your grades will be severely affected. I've seen people fail the year for messing about _twice,_  really tiny things, mind you…”

“Sounds like absolute garbage.” Donghyuck thinks out loud. He already knew private school were anything but appealing to someone like him, everything coming out of Mark's mouth only proved his theory right.

“It _is._  Obviously academically it has its prestige, but in many other ways it can be a real pain to get up and go to school.”

 _Oh poor you, must be so hard._ The rank three thinks but, this time, doesn't allow his thoughts out of his brain into the world. Anger begins to boil in his stomach, but he had learnt to hide his true thoughts since very little — they all had to, or they'd be doomed. Apparently Mark never had to learn such a thing however, every emotion he felt was painfully obvious, it had been one of the first things Donghyuck noticed about the rank one. The lack of filter was crystal clear, he wondered if Mark knew it.

“In sports class girls and boys are separated for obvious reasons.” He mumbles and Donghyuck can't help but think of how wonderful, yet painful, it'd be if that was a thing in his school. Though he already had to deal with the hardest part of sports class either way — the changing rooms. “Which is fine i suppose but quite useless, it's not like seeing sweaty people makes anyone go wild. Right?”

The other blinks back at him not expecting to be asked anything during their practically one way conversation. “I mean i guess.” He shrugs but his brain soon reminds him of all the times he found himself unable to look away from sweat slicked boys and he feels. his face heat up slightly.

“I don't know what to tell you, you need to ask me stuff.” Mark admits after opening and closing his mouth a total amount of five times without saying a single word.

“Is there bullying?”

“Isn't that obvious?”

“Not really!” Donghyuck protests defensively. “Since everyone is rich, i just expected-”

Mark shakes his head right away. “No matter how rich you are, out there somewhere, someone is bound to be richer.” He finally puts his book down on the glass table nearby then sighs, very faintly, but Donghyuck still managed to hear it. “Then there is petty things like drama. There aren't many people in our school, drama circulates too quickly and people are eaten alive because everyone is starving for some sort excitement. If they have dirt on you, you're doomed. At least for an entire year, then i suppose it fades away depending on what it was that made you be the center of attention to begin with.”

The other nods, leans back on the sofa and stares at the ceiling trying to come up with some more questions — which proves to be a difficult task. To be fair, that kind of information was far more likely to slip through during a normal, not forced, conversation. He knew that much, but he refused himself to go off track with the rank one. “You study in Seoul right.” Mark nods. “You live there too?” Another nod. “Wow.”

“It's not that great.”

Donghyuck swallows down the urge yo say something he'd regret, something along the limes of _You Ungrateful Bastard._ “How?”

“Cramped, competitive, loud, messy.” The boy grunts. “Kinda hurts your head, usually people would go out for walks to relax but i find that going out only makes my headaches worsen.”

“So you'd wanna move.”

It isn't exactly a question but Mark still answers it anyways. “I don't know, never considered that possibility.”

“Well.” Donghyuck slaps his hands on his own knees and turns to the other. “I'll get going now, nice chatting with you.”

Mark smiles weakly. “Till next time then.”

"Indeed." 

 

 

 

 

 

 _This is better than the gym. You can do this._ The boy says to himself in his own head, though no matter how many times he would repeat it, he still felt like giving up.

It didn't take very long into the trial to make him feel that way, just a few meters up since he had began climbing the big rock at the very start and Donghyuck was already cursing under his breath at whatever God had made him go through hell and back every year of his life. The stones would sometimes become loose and, if it wasn't for the net beneath him, Donghyuck might’ve actually gotten a heart attack by then. 

Renjun, who was far lighter than him, had already disappeared at the top and left him to his own devices. Donghyuck scans the people around him to see if he could find a familiar face, and he does, but not the expected one.

Just a few meters away was the younger rank five struggling as badly as Donghyuck was to find good spots to push himself up. But for such a low rank, the boy was doing far better than anyone still around the first phase. “Who is this guy…” The rank three whispers to himself before gathering some energy to boost him long enough to finally get him to the top.

He looks at the vast view of the forest surrounding him, it was gorgeous but there was no time to lose so he walks the fastest he could towards the next phase. “Oh sweet jesus.” Donghyuck murmurs when he figures he'd have to slide across the rock from where he stood to another using nothing but a metallic hanger. This time around there did not seem to be any sort of protection at the bottom, though he doubted the government would be dumb enough to let someone die off like that. Then again, at a second thought, he couldn't be certain anymore.

Behind him people had begun reaching the peak as well. He lets them go first and feels his stomach twist at the sight of a girl jumping into mid-air with nothing but the hanger and a string to help her get to her next destination. Donghyuck's sweaty palms and the metal were an awful combination, a possibility deadly one so he rubs his hands on his shorts to dry them off the best he could before walking past the big stack of hangers into the killzone — which hopefully wasn't actually as dangerous as it appeared.

He connects the object to the hook then tugs at it to make sure everything was in order. Donghyuck doesn't dare look down, he knew if he did he'd never leave the place where he was standing. “I love you mom.” The boy says, loud and clear, before he's pushed out of the rock — literally, since some douce probably thought he was taking for too long and decided to lend a hand for the greater good.

Donghyuck holds onto the handle so tightly his knuckles turn white, and at first he can't help but shriek loudly though he figures if he tried to remain calm then he could have more control over the situation, so he bites down his lip harshly until he tastes blood. Ahead, he could already see the big blue mat that'd help him give a somewhat comfortable landing, but if he missed it, chances were he was either going to smack against the wall or fall down onto the unknown. Anxiety bubbles in his chest, he couldn't miss his shot.

And he doesn't, thankfully. Letting go of the handle had taken less willpower than expected, however the feeling of falling down without any protection brings bile to rise up his throat. He lands onto the soft mat with his arms protecting his face, the relief is overwhelming. His heart beat so fast it felt as if his chest was going to be ripped open, he just wanted to lay still and relax, but he couldn't. The longer he took the smaller the chances of finally passing the trial, and plus he didn't felt like being squished to death by the next person.

Reluctantly, he manages to get himself on his two legs and follows through.

“Ah no…” He scrunches up his nose seeing what was ahead. People were getting on their knees and disappearing in a pitch black hole carved in the rock. Thinking of how tight it must be, Donghyuck shudders.

The boy looks up at the sky, breathes in, and then prepares himself to feel awfully claustrophobic for the next God knew how many minutes. He's angry, angry that he has to do such useless things to prove people who he wished were dead that he was useful to their country. War was unlikely to break out with the potency of present guns, one wrong move and the World would cease to exist in a blink of an eye. Every country knew it was self-destructive to declare war on another, so how useful those trials were to anything was one of the biggest enigma of Donghyuck’s life. Though, deep down, he already knew the answer.

As he crawls inside, feeling the rugged surface scrape his knees and stabbing the palm of his hands, he thinks of just how stupid he was for partaking in the Government's plan to keep them busy. Because that was all the trials were, people's only goal in life was to have a declaration saying they were fit for every kind of job, that they were the most needed for their nation, but the truth was that only rank ones and twos ever got the satisfaction of reaching such a goal. Donghyuck had never known any rank three that had completed every set of trials, they were impossible to get through for them, and even knowing this he still tried every year. He had fallen for their little scheme. The realisation punches him straight in the guts.

After some time, Donghyuck loses notion of just how long he had been crawling for. His legs ache in pain, probably bleeding from how badly scrapped they had become, and his back begged to be straightened. He doesn't know how much longer he would have to keep going and the thought of being stuck inside a rock unable to turn around makes it hard to breathe. The more he thought about it the worse the whole process would become, so he tries drifting away once more.

He thinks of Jeno, of what exactly his friend must be up to at that very moment. He thinks of which questions he could possibly ask Mark, but the thought of the rank one only makes him angrier. And the one question he can think about is the same that had been swimming in his brain from day one. _Why is he doing this?_ Donghyuck grinds his teeth against each other at the possibility of Mark only joining for fun, or to prove a point to someone. Trials weren't fun, trials weren't something that should be used to show off. Everyone suffered in their own way because of then, Jeno often came to him crying his eyes out mumbling about how useless he felt whenever he failed, and Donghyuck could barely reassure him that he'd be okay without having completed most trials.

They probably wouldn't be, life was competitive. You can't be _average_ when there are far too many people being _excellent._ And Mark had been born with a big red **EXCELLENT** tattooed across his forehead, so whatever had motivated him to participate in the cruelty they had to go through to get half of what he had inherited without a single drop of sweat, could not be any good of an excuse. Donghyuck _hates_ him, he hates him for being there amongst them acting like he's one of the most unfortunate, acting like he suffers like they do.

Finally, a ray of sunshine hits his skin. Donghyuck crawls faster towards it as if the little energy the ray could province was able to give him strength. He grins widely as he catches a glimpse of the blue sky, all he could think of was leaving that claustrophobic hole he had been forced into.

Though, the closer he gets, the more his smile begins to fade. The sound of water roars just ahead and, when Donghyuck finally comes to the end, he finds himself looking down at a lake where little ant looking people could be seen swimming in the same direction. He holds on tight to the rock and shakes his head, it was too high, surely not high to be harmful, but high enough to make him begin shaking uncontrollably.

He knows he can't stand there staring down forever, he knows there was someone on their way and soon enough they'd get there. The hole was too small, either he jumped or he'd clog everyone else. There was no way in hell people would be kind to him when their future was at stake, he was sure to be pushed right off.

The sound of his heartbeat numbs everything else, but Donghyuck could still feel the faint vibrations behind him. Someone was nearbyand he had to let go of the fear before they got _too_ close to him. He crawls right to the end and sucks in a breath before letting go.

Life doesn't flash across his eyes as expected, he only gets the time to curl himself into a ball before slamming harshly against the cool lake and sinking into its deep waters. Donghyuck opens his eyes and moves his limbs about to reach the surface as quickly as possible. “Fuck.” He gasps as soon as his head is out of the water. The boy looks around and figures the direction he had to go was his left seeing how everyone else had gone that way.

Though that too could be a test, but Donghyuck was far too tired to bother anymore.

He follows suit, swimming slowly to calm himself down since his heart still hammered inside of his chest. His knees were stinging from the fresh bruises and his whole body hurt from the physical strain he had been put on them for hours on end, and yet there was still more ahead. Things he could not imagine, he didn't even know just how long the entire thing would take. He knew nothing, nothing at all. That was the worst part of it all.

Donghyuck finds comfort in the beautiful forest surrounding him and the clear skies above, he tries focusing solemnly on Nature to dull the pain and, to an extent, it works. Until the next phase begins to show up in the distance. He could see the people far in front of him being climbing over a dam looking structure and disappear behind it, meaning Donghyuck had yet again to use his entire body to keep going. But he wasn't sure just how much strength he had left, if the little that still remained was enough to help him through it.

Jeno's face flashes across his eyes and a smile spreads across his face. _I can do it,_ he thinks,  _Jeno did it so i can too._ Not that his friend would be disappointed in him if he didn't manage to finish, but Donghyuck knew he was rooting for him wherever he was, that alone is enough to calm his worries down. Even if his body still hurt badly, he finds the reward of seeing Jeno's eyes glint filled with pride was worth more than the temporary pain. Perhaps the fact that he would win more titles and rise in society to follow a brighter future was more important, but that had never motivated him much in the end of the day. Rather, seeing his loved ones beam with happiness each time he achieved something was truthfully what made Donghyuck feel any sacrifice he made was worth anything.

Any other motive was meaningless. He knew everything was just a mere illusion, that if the government was to vanish, nothing of the sort would matter anymore. And then he would be left with empty, worthless achievements.

As he gets closer to the dam, Donghyuck lets his body float and go with the current. The fact that he had no clue what was behind the big structure made him feel jittery, and he'd rather gather some energy in the worst case scenario, so he lets himself loosen all of his muscles and enjoy his well deserved break. His resting time doesn't last very long however, just a few minutes later his feet smack lightly against the surface waking him up from his thoughts. It was time to get things done, _again._

He holds onto the horizontal metal bars to pull himself up and uses them as stairs to get to the top. There the platform extended for a few meters into what seemed to be nothingness but, as he later finds out, the next phase consisted of getting over to the other side using a bridge. Except the floor seemed to have vanished, instead all that remained were two ropes. He watches with empty, tired eyes as the people ahead move across it like monkeys. Below them was the continuation of the river, however the water levels were far lower due to the dam.

For the hundredth time that day, the boy has to reassure himself that everything they were put thought was planned so that no hazards could occur. But that was what the government said _officially_ and Donghyuck knew many things said by their leaders were far from the truth so just how much he could rely on those declarations was uncertain.

He gulps, but manages to force his feet to move forwards until to move at the end of the big line. The boy wiggles his arms and massages them, praying that they would not give up on him midway. It would be quite a strain, the ropes were fairly long and only it disappeared inside the foliage of the majestic ancient tree that rose up high. Donghyuck assumed that was where the end point had been established.

“Have you-” Someone blurts out just behind him. “done this before?”

Standing merely a few centimeters away was the infamous rank five, Donghyuck could've recognised his annoyingly perfect face anywhere. The boy was white as a sheet of paper, scarily so, and newly fresh wounds had been scattered all over his face since the last time Donghyuck had seen him. “Not this trial, no.”

“Ahh…” He murmurs then nods awkwardly, his nervousness was quite obvious — and, truthfully, very adorable. “Thanks anyways.”

Donghyuck stares at him in silence, observing as the boy swings from one side to another from what seemed to be nervousness. Though it could just as well be the cold from how soaking wet they both were. “Don't worry, they make these hazard proof.”

“Okay.” He nods once more but very weakly this time around, as if he wasn't reassured by those words in the slightest. And who was Donghyuck to judge when he too feared that his end was just around the corner.

 _What a pathetic death that'd be._ He thinks. _To die for a cause i don't believe in, surrounded by people i don't love, in a place i don't know the name of._

Somehow those depressing thoughts stir up something in him. A reason to push through, a stimulus to not give up at any cost. “What's your name?” Donghyuck asks when he snaps out of his thoughts.

The boy clanks his teeth against his each other and rubs his arms to warm them up. “Jisung.”

“Well, Jisung, are you cold?”

He looks down at his trembling body and furrows his eyebrows. “No? I'm quite alright actually.”

Which only left him with one reason to why the other would be so pale and shaking — anxiety. Donghyuck pities him, he looks so scared and lost, though he supposed that was probably how he had looked when he had first joined too. Nobody ever went easy on you, not even in the very beginning.

“Breathe in deeply.” The boy commands and Jisung actually complies much to his surprise. “In and out, slowly.”

“You think i am anxious.” He points out suddenly just as the line moves again.

“Yes.”

Jisung smiles softly “Well spotted.”

“Will you be alright then?” Donghyuck asks worriedly, there was just one girl left in front of him. Thinking of leaving Jisung in such a state didn't sit right to him, though he had little to no choice.

“I will. Good luck.”

“You too.” He grabs the boy's forearm and gives it a soft squeeze. “Remember to breathe in and out calmly, you'll be fine if you focus on that.” Just as he finishes speaking, someone far back in the line complains that he was taking too long to which Donghyuck wished he could reply with his middle finger.

Instead he sits at the very end of the structure and latches his hands tightly around the ropes like his life depended on it — because it did. The hardest part was always finding the guts to throw himself into what seemed to be certain death. It went against his survival instincts.

He does manage eventually and, when gravity pulls harshly down as he falls, Donghyuck is convinced thinks he doesn't have enough energy to support his body weight. His arms scream out in pain but there was no way back, the only option was to move forward the fastest he could so to not endure the awful pain for far too long.

As he moves along, he finds his entire body becomes numb to everything. Even his brain seemed to have shut down entirely, nothing goes through his mind, his system was on autopilot. That is, until someone shouts “I didn't get your name!” from afar. He doesn't need to look back to see who it had come from. A big smile spreads across his face just before he scream just as loud in return.

“Donghyuck!”

Silence falls again, and so does the boy's face. The rope wiggles too much, it gave him close to no sense of security. Donghyuck knew if he dared to look down, he'd freak out completely, so he fixates his eyes on the big tree and tries his best to breathe steadily just like he had told Jisung to do. At the thought of the rank five, Donghyuck can't help but wonder how he was doing, if he had fallen already off or not.

“Jisung?!” He yells and bites his lip while waiting for a response.

It comes just the next second, thankfully. “Yes?” The boy's voice reeked of exhaustion, it broke Donghyuck’s heart slightly. Even if he too was just as lacking in energy.

“Stay strong, you can do it!”

A faint giggle sounds in the distance then the boy begins shouting loud and clear once more. “You too! We're almost there!”

Halfway through it, his arms begin shaking in such a way that he almost missed the rope when trying to grab it. Either he tried moving faster with the leftover adrenaline still running in his veins or he was sure to fall. Though it was incredibly hard to find the energy to keep going, he still manages to keep it together and move his arms relatively faster, one after the other at a stable rhythm that helped him keep his momentum.

When he snaps out of his autopilot mode, Donghyuck finds himself mere meters away from the tree trunk. With one last wave of adrenaline, the boy reaches the platform where others already stood. Not far from where he stood seemed to be the beginning of yet another trial. “I really thought it was over.” He murmurs bitterly then drifts his eyes towards to the place he had just come from and finds Jisung struggling to move. “C’mon! You're nearly finished!”

The other raises his head and, as soon as their eyes lock, his entire face lit up. Jisung nods and quickens his pace, moving so fluently that it barely showed just how tired he was. Donghyuck felt he had somehow injected adrenaline straight into the boy's body just through a few encouraging words. His heart swells at the realization.

When the other reaches the wooden platform as well, Donghyuck is there to greet him with a big grin and a shower of little praises. He didn't know why he had developed such a soft spot for the boy so quickly, Jisung oozed innocence, like he still believed in the World's potential in a way Donghyuck could not anymore. It was refreshing, and it made him want to protect the rank five from any wrongdoings — which, at that moment, meant getting him across the trials smoothly without major bruises.

“I'm hoping this is the last.” The rank three grunts as he jumps on a branch just below him. Apparently, according to one of the girls, they needed to climb off the tree. Which sounded fairly easy, except the wood was slippery due to the storm that had fallen upon them that night. Donghyuck would constantly check up on Jisung, though the other seemed to be doing way better than him. He jumped and swung from one branch to another as if he was a baby Tarzan, clearly he needed no help in the getting that trial over and done with. But still, Donghyuck just couldn't help but worry even if he was the one that had almost fallen in sex different occasions in the course of ten minutes.

The time does come around where one of his slips almost ends up in pure disaster, but luckily his reflexes were fast enough that he manages to hug the branch before he falls straight down. Jisung lets out a petrified scream and moves to the branch just below him in a blink of an eye. “Can you go back up?”

Donghyuck wasn't sure, his arms felt far too much like jelly. He shakes his head and breathes in sharply before looking down at the boy. “Can you help me onto your branch?”

Jisung nods hesitantly. “I'm not very strong.”

“That's alright.” He extends his leg, the tip of his shoe just about touches the surface. “Hold my hip, and don't forget to make sure you're stable enough.”

The rank five places his hands carefully on Donghyuck’s waist. “Whenever you're ready”

Slowly, the boy lets his arms unwrap off the branch and, with Jisung's help, manages to get onto the other one. They look at each other and begin giggling as relief washes over them. “Thank you so much, i owe you one.”

Jisung shakes his head. “Not at all.”

“Once we’e done with this i’m buying you at _least_ an energy bar.” Donghyuck snorts while swinging onto the next branch.

“I could never say no to that.” The other pouts. “I’m starving right now.”

Looking down, Donghyuck could already see the end point, and this time it truly seemed to be the finish line instead of just another waiting place for yet another trial. “Me too, but it’s almost over so let’s do this the fastest we can.”

Jisung nods. Then they jump and swing about the quickest their limbs could manage, though their energy had hit critically low levels (which ends up in Donghyuck almost falling once more). They slow their pace down after that, it’d be best to take a few minutes more than have the boy break his spine, plus they were nearly at the end either way.

“We made it.” Jisung giggles at Donghyuck who was slightly far up. The boy jumps onto the hard ground and raises both his arms in victory, then lets his whole body collapse onto the floor from exhaustion. Some of the people around him raise their eyebrows at the odd scene, but Jisung wasn’t focused on anything but the sheer happiness of knowing he had managed to complete all of that trial's hellish tasks.

Donghyuck hops right behind the rank five and then crouches down next to him. Slowly, Jisung begins raising his head and stares at the rank three with wet eyes that glinted under the evening sun. Donghyuck finds he still looks like the prettiest boy he had ever seen even with puffy cheeks and a Rudolf nose. “Let’s go, yeah? A nice shower and food awaits us!”

Jisung sniffles while smiling brightly. “You’re kindest person i know, Donghyuck. Thank you.”

As the boy walks away and blends into the crowd that tried desperately to get inside one of the buses waiting to take them back to the main building, Donghyuck finds himself unable to move. The words ring in his ears like a faint prayer. He looks up and finds Jisung frowning in the distance while gesturing for the boy to follow him, Donghyuck smiles softly back at him and finally straightens himself up.

 

The words don’t stop echoing inside him head the entire ride back.

 

 

 

Jisung doesn’t leave his side, not even in the showers. Donghyuck finds it amusing. “Jisung.” He calls out and the boy hums in response while massaging his scalp. “How come they let you come here?”

The other becomes stone cold for a few seconds and then a loud sigh escapes his lips. “I don’t know, they seemed as shocked as me to find out i’m not a total useless disaster.” Jisung opens his eyes then turns to face Donghyuck, his normally childish appearance had faded into a sunken dark expression. It made Donghyuck’s stomach twist. “They put me in this special room, mentioned another rank five saying something along the lines of there being a phenomenon going around. I think another one of my own made it, i guess.”

“Yes, i’ve heard rumours about it.”

Jisung presses his lips tightly against each other and finishes cleaning his hair in pure silence. Donghyuck observes his every move from the corner of his eye, he pities the boy more than anything. If he, a rank three, would already be told he was part of the useless fraction of society, the mental manipulation lower rants had to go through was simply unimaginable. Just the way Jisung spoke about himself already showed just how much the government managed to ingrain its ideology into everybody’s brain.

“I had to do more tests.” The other blurts out suddenly. “Bunch of analysis, and they seemed so astonished to find i was _normal_.” He turns off the water and grabs his things. “They said my genes are as good as a rank two’s.”

Before Donghyuck could speak, Jisung had already started walking away. He stands still with the water falling against his back staring at absolutely nothing in particullar. Though, eventually, he does comes back to Earth and begins blinking rapidly. _A rank two?_ That was unthinkable for a rank five, no wonder it had confused everyone. Donghyuck wouldn’t believe it if he hadn’t seen the boy in action before.

He drifts his attention away from the door and locks eyes with a familiar pair of big round ones, Mark stood just a few shower heads away from him. A shiver runs down his spine at the intensity of his gaze, Donghyuck sucks in a breath and closes his eyes, though he still could feel Mark’s attention on him. He finishes washing himself the quickest he could and then walks right past the boy while on his way out, the energy to deal with the rank one had vanished after such an exhausting day.

Donghyuck scans the changing room for Jisung but the other was nowhere to be found, so he sits by himself and lazily begins dressing himself up. All he wanted was to go to his room, jump onto his bed and blackout. But he doesn’t get so lucky, someone sits right next to him and at first Donghyuck didn’t pay it much attention, it’s only when he recognizes the bag sitting by his feet that the boy snaps his head to his right. “I have a proposal.” Mark murmurs while putting his socks on.

He rubs his forehead then nods weakly. “Okay?”

“Asking me questions in public risks people eavesdropping us.” The rank one licks his lips nervously. “How would you feel about doing it in my room?”

Donghyuck’s eyes widen at the suggestion, he opens and clothes his mouth a few times before croaking out something inaudible. Mark tilts his head in confusion and the boy clears his throat to try and speak once more. “That’s… Don’t you sleep really far away?”

“I suppose? But it’s pretty deserted over there. Obviously. Nobody would see you.” He finishes putting on his shoes then grabs his bag while Donghyuck stares silently at the floor thinking hard on the subject. “You don’t need to answer now or anything, it’s just a suggestion. I think i’d feel more comfortable in being honest if i didn’t fear being heard by others.”

Donghyuck looks up at Mark and nods. “I’ll think about it.”

The other nods back and walks away without any other word, leaving a very overwhelmed Donghyuck behind. The urge to teletransport to his dorm and sleep everything away had increased tenfold.

He rubs his face and gets up, his wobbly legs barely support his weight as he walks right out of the room and heads to the elevator. If Jeno knew he was planning on going to bed without having a proper meal he would kill him, but Donghyuck didn’t have the energy nor patience for anything anymore. He buys himself a handful of energy bars from one of the machines nearby hoping that that would keep his body functioning until the next morning, and then sits inside the crowded elevator with his head hanging low.

The loud world around him sounded distant, muffled by his tired brain. His eyelashes become heavier and heavier until he can’t resist the urge to close his eyes, and suddenly his body becomes numb, as if he wasn’t _there_ any longer. He can’t fight the way his entire body shuts off, instead Donghyuck allows himself to drift away. The World fades into nothingness.

 


	6. belittling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ❝ Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved. ❞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was working on another fic so that's why i took so long to update grr sorry sorry, and now exams are coming up so i wont promise anything either hhh (but i will try to be fairly quick <3333)

**F** orest. All around him, nothing but dense forest.

Jeno doesn’t know what to expect, what is expected of him, if anything at all. If he should wait still or move about, they never give much information before the trials commenced. That was the whole point of them to begin with, all were nothing but tests to check their intelligence, something which the boy did not quite feel confident about — and therefore often led him to failure. Donghyuck always told him to follow his instincts and to try and forget what exactly he was there to do, according to his friend he was smart but only when it came naturally, but Jeno couldn’t believe a single word. He always found himself overthinking every task he was given.

A gentle ruffling sound comes from behind him, the boy flinches and remains very still watching attentively to check for any wild animal. He holds on tight to his gun that was still inside his pocket and breathes in and out in a calming fashion, if anything were to happen he knew he had to be quick not only to react but to decide what exactly to do. Whatever was coming could be deadly, a test to his sympathetic skills — would he run or would he kill? That was what they wished to know, but Jeno himself had no clue.

All it takes was a single and loud howl for the boy to begin bolting away in the opposite direction of where the noise had come from. He runs and runs, until his limbs become almost numb. Though he knows he can’t run for all eternity no matter how much muscle he had acquired over the years, Jeno still can’t tell himself to stop and _think._ He knows wolves are faster, smarter even, without a plan except for running there was no way in hell he’d get out of there a winner.

So he stops. There wasn’t much time to think if he were to stay stagnant like that, but his brain would be too focused on running if he had kept on going. Jeno was never too good under pressure, he finds himself with either the option to climb the tall trees or keep on going until his body collapsed on itself. He figures climbing up one of the trees nearby to be a better option, at least up there they could not reach him and perhaps, in that way, he could think more peacefully.

The loud ruffling of the vegetation in the distance pumps adrenaline into his veins, which was very much needed if he were to climb up the rough trunk. His hands hurt, his skin which had been abused by the friction and stabbed by the uneven surface had become adorned with cuts that bled and painted the trunk as he moved up. As his energy levels reach critically low points, all of his limbs begin shaking uncontrollably, and so Jeno knows he can’t go up much higher. Thankfully he had already reached high enough for there to be strong enough branches to support his entire body weight.

He looks down at the ground and finds the wolves already surrounding the tree, patrolling it, waiting for Jeno to give up — which he would have to eventually. Running away did not mean the trial was completed but, with only four bullets to use, Jeno is also aware shooting them dead cannot be the answer either. And so he’s left with no choice. “What do you want me to fucking do?” The boy mutters through gritted teeth. He can’t think, he’s far too tired, but he he can’t sleep either as he would fall off the branch if he did so.

Frustration bubbles in his stomach, but so does anger. He didn’t want to be put through such things, he never saw much point to them. Whenever Donghyuck complained, part of him agreed to it. War was not a plausible scenario, at least not the war the government kept on babbling about. However in many ways he understood the point of training a whole population to be at their best, it gave him a sense of pride to know his people were one of the best in the world, and that he too could be deemed the best of the best. But it was at times like those that he felt he could never be like that, he wasn’t witty enough, no matter how much everyone tried changing his mind, the trials always proved him to be right. He was sure Donghyuck would’ve already gotten out that hitch by then. And yet there he was, clueless to what to do exactly.

He leans back on the tree trunk and closes his eyes, all the while hoping that he could keep himself awake. His brain hurt, just like the entirety of his body, if he did not rest it then the chances of figuring a way out would get even slimmer. Though, after almost blacking out twice, Jeno figured the chances of dying from falling right down were not worth it.

His gun, that rests on top of his lap, shines brightly under the sun almost as if giving him a sign to what to do next. It was impossible to know whether or not it had actually been a sign, but Jeno takes it as one and grabs the object to analyse it closely. There was nothing special about it, it was a simple looking gun and there was still only four bullets to use. He counts the wolves and tries figuring out if he could somehow kill more than one with a single bullet, but that seemed to be too farfetched.

The wolves growl especially loud when the boy stares at them, their saliva runs their their mouth into the ground below. _Demons._ Beautiful when seen through a screen, not so beautiful when they’re trying to use you as their next meal.

Jeno furrows his eyebrows and suddenly an idea pops in his head, adrenaline shoots through with the newfound excitement of finally having some sort of plan. He scans the forest from high up where he stood, wolves were not the only animal he could spot, which in turn meant he was not the only meal accessible to the hungry animals. If he could only make their job easier and get them food, then there was a chance of him succeeding.

It would be risky to try and move from one tree to another to get closer, but some of them had grown close enough to each other to make it a possible task. Jeno gulps knowing he could finish his trial right there and then if he were to fall but even so he keeps crawling on top of the branch towards the thinner and bendier part, he hopes it does not break, not until he get enough momentum to finally use it as a trampolin and launch his entire body against the other tree. The plan almost fails, but Jeno miraculously manages to latch his body against the tree — his arms and hands become severely bruised but he doesn’t pay much mind to it, though the pain was agonising.

He finds a good enough branch and looks down once more, some of the wolves had moved trees but they seemed to not notice the animals going about with their day nearby. Jeno cocks his gun and drifts his attention from them to the innocent looking creatures merely sipping on the river. “I’m sorry.” He whispers before getting in position, the odds of him missing and shooing them all away were awfully high but it wasn’t like he had any other option.

The deer is beautiful, big and healthy, perfect for the wolves to feast. Jeno’s heart aches but he knows nothing is real, the animal isn’t real. He shoots.

“Yes!” The boy shouts when the deer flops to its side, but he figures it wouldn’t hurt to try and get more to make sure the wolves would not feel hungry after and still try to haunt him. He tries focusing on one of the other animals making the run for their lives. Another one gets shot down, one of his bullets hits the floor instead and the last one he keeps in case he would still need it.

Looking down, he finds the wolves had also vanished — probably scared for their own lives. Jeno then looks at the animals that now lay dead and sighs, the sight isn’t something he adored, not in the slightest. He could only hope that his plan would work.

After a while, some of the wolves venture back in the area. They sniff around and, much to Jeno’s luck, seem to have forgotten all about the human hiding up in the trees. He fists the air in victory and follows the hungry animals with his eyes. They soon find the deers, they surround the animals and that’s when Jeno looks away. Not that it made him feel sick, but it wasn’t necessarily something he wished to see.

He stares ahead at the view and forces himself to stay calm, to trust that his plan had been a success. The next time he blinks, he finds himself in a white room. He looks around and finds thousands of other people surrounding him, each sitting on their own chairs with the same chip attached to the sides of their head.

Jeno grins, tears almost rolls down his cheek from the overwhelming happiness and relief washing over him when he figures he had completed the trial.

He had won.

  
  
  
  


It's child play. Really, it is.

The first thing he could think of as the trial was being explained to him was the fact he used to play a similar game when he was younger — Capture The Flag. It consisted of two teams which had to protect its own flag the best it could, but if the opposite team caught it and managed to get it to their base, then game over. The trial was awfully similar.

Except this time around it wasn't a flag, rather the opposite team kept a member that they had to rescue. And instead of light touches, someone would be put on hold by paint guns whose bullets were of course not painful enough to truly cause damage but painful enough to make one want to stay on hold for the rest of the game recovering from it.

They could not slack off like that, however. The blue bracelets secured around their wrists measured their physical performance, if they stayed put for too long, then passing the trials was near impossible. The only way back in the game after being put on hold would be if a team member hit the a person from the opposite team as well, and so it all either came down to sheer luck or good team effort. In the end, the best was to dodge the bullets the best they could and to keep _running._

It wasn't rare for the game to extend for hours, neither team wished to lose as it would obviously result in a removal of points. But as time progressed, tactics became sloppy, people moved slower, more and more were found to be on hold waiting for their exhausted teammates to hit someone so they'd be drawn back in. It wasn't fun, unlike the child game. It was horrible, it left them near rotten, and Donghyuck didn't know if he could keep going after one hour of trying so hard.

He flops against the rough surface of a massive rock that was to shield him before his next move. To regain some of his energy, he reaches out to his pocket and takes a bite of an energy bar he had left there and forgotten all about. He's just about finished with it when someone sits next to him, and by reflex Donghyuck grabs onto is gun just in case it was a member of the opposite team — though, if he had thought that through, he'd see that there was no point for one of his opponents to do such a thing. He would've been shot on the spot if that were to be the case.

"Hi." Jisung chuckles awkwardly and puts his hand on the front sight on the gun to push it downwards so it wasn't pointing at his face. "Mind if i could get a bit of that?"

Donghyuck drops his gaze towards the bar that had fallen on his lap and then back at the boy with desperate eyes. "Of course."

The happy glint in the rank five's eyes is wholesome to say the least — a pat in the shoulder after having felt like he had ruined any chance of a friendship flourishing between them. He hadn't meant any harm in his curiosity, so to know Jisung wasn't permanently annoyed at his prying behaviour was relieving.

"Tired?"

"We all are, but no one managed to get close enough yet" The boy sighs loudly and lets his body melt against the rock's surface. "To think tomorrow there will be yet another trial, i am so exhausted i don't know if i can hang on till the end of this entire thing."

"Shut up, you're better than me and if i can do it so can you. I'm set on not giving up."

Jisung's eyes fixate on the boy's face and remain there for an awfully long time. Long enough for Donghyuck to give him the stink eye as if asking what he wanted. "I just admire you."

"Admire _me_?"

"Yeah! You seem like you can push yourself to unimaginable limits and still try to keep going, i admire that. It makes me wanna push harder too."

The rank three opens and closes his mouth a few times, he didn't know what to say. He didn't think he was worthy of praise like that, to him he never pushed hard enough, so to hear such a thing was making him want to deny it all. Though he figures that'd come off as rude, even if he didn't believe in those words, Donghyuck still smiles and thanks the boy for being so kind.

He finds the praise gives him a boost, suddenly it was as if his energy had returned, so he turns to Jisung and grabs his gun tightly. "We've been stagnant for too long, we have to move otherwise we will fail the trial."

"Do you have a plan?"

Donghyuck takes a quick peak, nobody seemed to be around. "For now, just run. But keep an eye out until we find a closer hiding spot."

Jisung nods and follows closely behind. They run and run, nobody was around even then. Donghyuck finds it odd but doesn't pay much mind to it, chances were there was an attack happening somewhere else. He find yet another large rock and turns back to Jisung to inform him they'd make a stop there. They sit side by side again and that's when Donghyuck really thinks about the fact that the area was deserted.

"Don't you find it odd? We're basically alone and the target isn't even far."

"I guess? But i don't hear anyone nearby so they're definitely not hiding from us."

Donghyuck furrows his eyebrows but doesn't question it, he wasn't about to start asking questions after last time. Instead he nods and believes the boy's words. He did in fact worry it was all a trap and that they'd get attack suddenly so it was an immense relief to know that was not the case.

"I really don't have a clue what we should do next." The obvious move would be to sprint to the base and rescue their teammate, but that seemed far too easy. Still Donghyuck couldn't figure out anything else worth doing but that, so they move forward, watching out for potential enemies that might try and shoot them.

Jisung stays behind him the entire time, though he could easily overtake the rank three with his fast long legs. At some point Donghyuck hears a grunt come from behind him and then a bullet flashes through right in front of him — he doesn't get hit by mere luck. His first instinct is to turn to his right where it seemed the attack had come from, there he finds a girl with a blue vest on. He shoots on sight and only when she had clearly been hit does he turn around to check up on the boy behind him.

"You are back on the game." Donghyuck informs calmly and crouches down next to Jisung. "Does it hurt?"

"A bit… I will definitely be bruised." He says with a pout while massing his arm.

"We should get going, there might be more of them."

They hide nearby to catch their breath and try to come up with a strategy. Donghyuck observes the map projected from his bracelet and whispers tactics to Jisung's ear. They discuss it for a few minutes and finally, they're on the go again. Donghyuck could see the kilometers measurer rise as well as his heartbeat. It was a constant reminder that he could not stop, not even if his body begged for him to do so.

"Hyung-"

The rank three looks back at him with one of his eyebrows raised. "Hyung?"

"I assume you're older than me, everyone seems to be."

Donghyuck chuckles and nods. "How old are you, Jisung?"

"Sixteen."

"You are definitely not the youngest, i joined at fourteen, surely this year there are people as young as that."

"That's somewhat reassuring." The younger admits, his face was red and sweat slicked but, even then, Donghyuck finds he still looks beautiful. Fairy like, magical in a way. "So, are you older?"

He nods and turns back again to grin at him. "Two years."

"Well, Hyung, we are nearby now. I can see the valley, the little house too."

Donghyuck looks up and, following the direction Jisung's index finger was pointing at, he sees it too. It was fairly near, probably the nearest any of their teams had gotten to the target. The thought of putting an end to that day's hell pumps adrenaline faster than ever and his legs begin to move as if they had a life of their own. Jisung easily keeps up the new pace, he doesn't look nearly as exhausted as Donghyuck feels, but that doesn't phase him anymore. Jisung was clearly special in ways he had yet to find out.

"Hyung, down!" The younger shouts as they dodge a shower of bullet coming from their left. "There's many of them here."

"A trap." Donghyuck whispers under his breath and looks around, the area was seemingly deserted but Jisung's words ring in his head like a prayer. They were out there, probably hiding behind the rocks and thick trees, if they were to try and hide they'd meet them face to face. The only option was to run for their lives and shoot people on sight.

Bullets weren't abundant anymore after a whole hour had passed since the start of the trial, they could not afford to shoot without some sort of precision. The chances of being shot were high, it made Donghyuck’s heart pound against his chest with worry. If they got to the base they'd get extra points. If they got there, they were sure to succeed. He wanted to make it not only for himself but for the younger who so desperately needed a confidence boost.

It comes as no surprise when he feels a sharp pain on his thigh. He comes to a halt and observes the splash of green adorning his skin with nothing but disappointment, but still he encourages Jisung to keep going.

"I will shoot! I'll get you out." He says already far away, a bullet passes near him and the boy turns around to face the enemy then shoots. Somehow, he doesn't miss.

Donghyuck is freed.

They keep going like that, helping each other out constantly by shooting when the other had gotten hit. It works, by sheer luck they manage to keep up the game and not get shot at the same time. It was nothing but luck, there was no proper tactic or plan partaking in it, just luck. Donghyuck almost forgets he doesn't believe in divine identities right there and then, it seemed too good to be true.

Jisung pushes them both onto the floor for reasons unknown to the older, but everything happens too quickly to ask any questions. They lay still on the floor hidden away by a bush. Donghyuck doesn't speak, he knows he shouldn't from how concentrated the other was — though exactly on what he wasn't sure.

"They're gone." He finally says. "I don't know why but they've left."

"Nobody is nearby?!" Donghyuck squeaks. "But the target is just meters away now."

The younger bites his lips as he cogitates, but he too couldn't understand. "It doesn't make sense, but the quicker we make the run for it the better."

"It sounds dodgy… something just isn't right."

"I know." Jisung stands up and stretches his entire body. "Hence why i will go first and test the waters."

"Jisung no-" But the younger had already begun running away from him, it'd be stupid of Donghyuck to stubbornly ruin the boy's plan and chase him, so he lays there watching as he got further and further away. "Fucking idiot."

Just as Jisung had predicted, nothing happens. No one shoots. The boy disappears from sight inside the hut looking building and there he stays for many minutes — long enough for Donghyuck to consider making a run for it so to check if everything was actually okay. Before he does so, however, Jisung shows up at the front of the building and begins waving invitingly.

Donghyuck had never sprinted so fast in his life, he feared the possibility of getting shot but that was not all there was to it. The potential of being the one getting extra points was exhilarating.

He frowns.

It shouldn't be, he shouldn't care.

The bitterness of knowing he had been successfully manipulated floods his senses and he stomps harshly on the floor below as he runs — for Jisung he doesn't stop, the boy seemed so happy he wouldn't do that to him. He feels stupid, caring for the trial as much as he was, it was a distasteful emotion to snap out of his comfortable daze, but he finds he can't go back to forgetting how worthless everything they were doing was. And still, for Jisung, he plays along.

"You found him?" He breathes out when he finally gets to the spot.

Jisung nods and grins brightly. "I did! But… He's chained…"

"Uh?!" Donghyuck shrieks and pushes past the boy so he could check it out himself. "They've got to be kidding me. Is this a mental trial or a physical one for fuck sake- Wait." He crouches down closer to his teammate, which he didn't know the name of (not that it mattered, he didn't care) and looks straight into his eyes. "You've tried breaking free?"

He nods and tugs at the chain, it had obviously been abused seeing how the rocks the chain came from were slightly cracked. Donghyuck smirks and asks for Jisung to come closer, he already knew the boy's stamina was better than his but that didn't quite mean he was strong per say. However if the three of them worked together there was a chance they'd break the boy free.

"One, two… Three!" The rank three chants and they begin tugging harshly at the metal chains, the wall rumbles a bit then slowly the chain becomes looser and looser until a few of the rocks fall onto the floor alongside the chain.

They repeat the process for the other side, it takes longer since they were exhausted after all the intense labour they had been through — on top of that, the chained boy could provide little to no help otherwise he'd injure his wrists and that'd be no good to anyone.

"Okay let's go we have to get back to our zone." Donghyuck says hurriedly as he helps the stranger onto his feet and heads to the door. He peeks his head outside and then when he moves it to his right, a familiar face greets him. His eyes instantly dart towards the blue vest Renjun had on. "Oh fuck, Jisung run!" He shouts, his own gun pointing in his roommate's direction.

Renjun stares right into his eyes and then, slowly, a smirk spreads across his face. "Watch out!" He shouts and, by instinct, Donghyuck flinches down to dodge whatever was supposedly coming. Except nothing happens, instead he feels a sharp pain in his shoulder and when he looks at the area, he find a red patch of paint.

"You asshole." The boy says as he straightens his body. "That was a low blow."

"Strategic planning, that's what." Renjun’s stupid smug smirk made Donghyuck’s blood boil, he couldn't believe he has fallen for his trick like that. "Lets go then."

"Go _where_ ? And why would i wanna go with _you_?"

The rank two rolls his eyes and sighs deeply. "Dude, i just did my job. We are enemies in this trial what did you expect?"

"Mercy!" Donghyuck squeaks. "We are roommates!"

Renjun furrows his eyebrows. "Okay and? That means jackshit to me. Plus, show me your data."

The boy glares at the other but reluctantly taps his bracelets' screen to project the data for them both to see.

"See? You've been active for three quarters of the game, that's already more than enough, the minimum is half."

"Well asshole the game isn't over yet and if nobody shoots one of you, i might not make it."

"A trial is a trial i'm not sorry. Plus your friend should make it to your zone easily, don't worry the game will thankfully be over soon."

Donghyuck tilts his head alight with confusion. "How come?"

"They're all focused on the east end, they told me to stay but something told me i should be here instead." Renjun explains as he begins walking down the hill. "There's a huge concentration of people in there but i know someone would wander about. Not too surprised that that someone if you."

He wants to ask what he means by that but Donghyuck finds he couldn't be bothered to speak to his roommate for the time being. He was still angry, all he wished was for his screen to lit up and announce he was no longer on hold, but chances of that happening were slim. Everyone was too tired to actually fight, Donghyuck had seen most of his teammates go for protection tactics rather than attacking. That had been the reason he had left them all to begin with.

Still, all he wanted was to grab his gun and shoot the rank two's back when he least expected it. A payback for playing dirty like he had.

Looking from above, the place was deserted. They walk slowly, Renjun was fairly laid back — in his own special way seeing as the rank two always acted like he had a stick up his ass — and moved in a confident manner. It didn't really make sense, his team was about to lose and yet he looked so cheery. Donghyuck couldn't quite understand the boy and he didn't want to, Renjun was helpful sometimes but for the most part, Donghyuck still wanted as much distance as he could from him.

He knew that was not the way he should live, but he doubted Renjun liked him much anyways. In the end of the day, it didn't matter if he resented the rank two as much as he did, they'd never see each other again in a few months time.

His screen glows, he almost doesn't catch it thinking it was the sun reflecting on it, but before the light goes off Donghyuck looks down and smirks. Finally he'd get his sweet revenge.

He grabs his gun, holds it up high till it reaches the boy's shoulder level and then he shoots. A green stain spreads across the middle of Renjun’s back but the boy doesn't even flinch — apart from a gentle gasp, there had been zero to no reaction. Donghyuck wanted _more_ , he wanted to feel he had truly gotten the boy by surprise, even hurt him if only very slightly. But there was nothing, Renjun soon begins walking just like he had been before.

"You know you're suspended right?

"Saw that coming the moment i turned my back to you." He says, nonchalant as per usual. "Game is game, i know the rules."

Donghyuck hates when he's right, as he often is. Not that nothing less was expected coming from the brains of a rank two. But still. Donghyuck _hates_ it. He hates how Renjun sometimes manages to make him feel so small, stupid, even childish, sometimes without egen trying. That's the worst part of it all, Renjun doesn't even need to try to be better. He is better.

There is no gratification in watching the green patch move alongside Renjun’s back muscles, none at all. He hadn't won, in fact he had lost. Renjun beat him at his own game, but it had been bold of him to think he could outsmart an higher rank. After too much time being one of the smartest it was hard to come down from it and realise that there were better people out there, smarter, wittier, quicker.

Donghyuck feels ugly as jealousy spreads across every fibre of his being. His soul tainted by emotions he despised and so much tried to run away from. It was all too easy to hide weakness behind a mask of arrogance, but Renjun always managed to see right through it. And if he didn't, it sure felt like it.

He thinks of Mark, how half of the time he thought he was the lead in their little game. Reality hits him like a tsunami. Donghyuck wasn't so sure of how much power he had anymore, Mark always came off as weak minded but was he really? He couldn't help but ponder if it had was nothing but a facade, a trap.

An unsettling sensation bubbles in his stomach. It doesn't leave. Not even when they reach the crowd that cheered Jisung for having finally put an end to the trial — even the blue team members smiled with relief. He wants to smile and be excited, but all Donghyuck wished to do was hide in his room and pretend he had never messed with the rank one to begin with.

His eyes lock with the infamous big olive coloured ones just as he considers putting an end to it all. The corner of Mark's lips curl up into a genuine smile but Donghyuck is too shocked to react. It felt the World was laughing in his face as his body relaxes instantly and suddenly the plans to stop his little investigation dissipate.

A joke. His life was one big joke.

  
  
  
  


He doesn't cogitate much on it, instead brushes it off as the usual fondness he felt for anyone who treated him better than with the usual general cordiality.

What worries him most is the hanging question of whether or not he would accept to greet Mark in a more private setting. It was a thought that had been swimming in his brain since the boy had mentioned it, and he still had yet to figure out what he truly wished to do. It would give then more freedom, but it too felt personal in ways Donghyuck wasn't sure he wanted to venture in.

Jisung doesn't leave his side, from the moment they stepped in the bus until they were already back to the main building he remains glued to his left. They don't speak much but Donghyuck could see the lingering excitement in the boy's expression, he doesn't need to speak for the rank three to know how happy he was to have been the one receiving a medal of extra credit. It's endearing, if the older wasn't so drained both physically and mentally he would've celebrated properly. For the time being, though, he just wished to get to the changing rooms and shower.

 

"What will you do afterwards?" Jisung asks as they massage their body with the body gel, the water hitting his shoulders feels like heaven on earth.

Donghyuck looks over to him and shrugs weakly. "Sleep, i suppose. I'm fairly tired, are you not?"

"I am." The younger rubs his entire face with the palms of his hand filled with the cleaning substance and then sighs. "Wish we didn't have a trial tomorrow again… I don't even get to celebrate!"

"We will, during the upcoming resting period, we can go out and celebrate."

Jisung beams at that and nods excitedly. "That sounds amazing!"

Donghyuck smiles gently, the fondness he already felt for the boy was overwhelmingly big, he didn't know if it was possible to feel anything but endearment towards Jisung. He was just too loveable. Donghyuck could pretend to own a stone heart, but truth was far from it. To resist those big angel eyes would be a felony.

All is well. That is, until he catches a glimpse of Mark and the big question pops up in his brain again. He knew the rank one would most likely approach him sooner or later to get some sort of answer, which in turn meant he needed to come up with one too. But he felt unable to, in the end he'd always oscillate between the two possible answers. It was eating him alive.

  


Jisung was mid speaking to him when it happens. Donghyuck feels a tap on his shoulder that activates his fighting instincts — almost ending up with his fist smacking square in Mark's face right there and then. He looks at the rank five and chuckles awkwardly. "I have stuff to sort out, don't wait for me. I'll see you tomorrow!"

"Okay, Hyung." Jisung nods and glances at Mark for a split second with a puzzled look before turning his back on them and walking away.

They stare at each other in silence for a few seconds before Donghyuck coughs to clear his throat. "Wassup?" Is what comes out. He grimaces, that sounded far too forced, but after having over thought so much Donghyuck couldn't help but feel awkward.

"About the suggestion, have you thought about it?"

The boy nods weakly _. It's a trap_ his brain screams, but in order to get what he needed he figures he needs to play Mark's game, and potentially beat him at it. He wasn't confident that he could anymore, but to back away would be cowardly. Though technically he could still suck some information out of him the way he had been so far, but it was likely Mark would not cooperate as nicely after having his offer turned down.

Donghyuck didn't _know_ , that was the problem. He couldn't figure the other out, he didn't know what he was up to or what he wanted. It infuriated him that Mark was so easy yet so hard to read.

"How exactly are you planning on making it work?"

"I show you how to get there today, afterwards you can go whenever you wish. I don't usually leave my room." He explains calmly. "We can go now if you want."

Donghyuck blinks a few times, he was trying his best to not show any emotion on his face that would give away how hesitant he felt. Still part of his brain insists on yelling at him that it wasn't working, that Mark could see through everything. He hopes not, he hopes his insecurities are wrong.

"Sure. Yeah why not."

Mark turns his back to him and begins walking away down the long hall, it takes a few seconds but he too follows. They don't speak, there was nothing to say. Donghyuck finds it peaceful like that, each time he had to interact with Mark a little bit of energy got drained from his body. It was tiring to think so much before he did anything, to think of all the consequences and to still try and act as quickly as he could was probably worse than any mental trial he had been put through in his life.

The elevator is almost empty. Jisung took so long to dress up that, by the time they were finished, everyone had already seemed to have left. Mark had probably waited for them the entire time but he had been too focused on what the rank five was saying — as he spoke slowly, and often stuttered an entire phrase — to remember. But now, thinking about it, he's glad. It eased his heart that there would not be much proof of what he was about to do.

Time passes, the few people eventually leave but they keep going. Mark is unfazed but Donghyuck can't help but notice just how much further away the rank one's dorms were. Perhaps there were no official ones at all, as rank ones should not be there to begin with.

"We're almost there." He informs then silence falls inside the elevator again.

Donghyuck licks his lips and flexes his thighs that had begun shaking slightly. Any sign of nervousness was weakness, and that wasn't something he wished to show Mark. Still inside he was a mess, he knows he shouldn't be here, he knows if they were to be found he'd be the one in most trouble, he knows how it looks. They wouldn't even consider it espionage, it'd go straight into attempted homosexual activities.

The thought sends shivers down his spine. Both accusations would be devastating in their own way.

The door clicks opens and Mark gets up. Donghyuck forces himself to trail behind though all he wished to do was remain inside and travel back to where he felt secure. He looks all around for any signs of life, which he finds none of. The place was empty, or so it seemed to be.

"I'm the only one here." The rank one explains. "There are guards, but they aren't human either."

He swallows down thickly. In many ways robots were worse than normal guards, their intelligence far greater, it was harder to fool them. "Got it."

It isn't like the rank three dorms, there isn't a massive hall awaiting them, rather what he finds were five doors, one of which Mark heads towards. "Five is already too many, i think i am the fourth rank one to _ever_ do this." He rambles as he lets the screen in the door scan his hand to verify his identity.

Donghyuck stares at the now open door and slowly moves inside as well. The room is larger, which only makes his blood boil seeing as it was made for only one person rather than five as it was for them. He takes in every little detail he could before landing his eyes on Mark who had already sat in his twin sized bed. It takes everything in him to not say something awfully bitter, though he supposed his tone of voice gave it away either way.

"Big." He mumbles dryly then sits next to the boy, the bed was far comfier than his too. "Expected."

Mark lets out a breathy laugh then slaps his knees. "So." He starts. "Shoot ahead."

With all the panic of coming all the way to the boy's dorms, Donghyuck had forgotten to think of what he wished to know exactly. He groans internally, he couldn't believe he always ended up forgetting such an important detail. _The most_ important one, in fact.

There was a question, however, that always popped up whenever they spoke. "Why are you here?"

Mark visibly flinches at that, his body becomes stone cold. He wets his lips and then chuckles awkwardly. "I will respond to that on our last meeting."

 _Meeting._ Donghyuck wants to laugh, but he doesn't. "How can i trust that you will?"

"You can't, i suppose. But that is my only request."

He's annoyed, that's no doubt. Annoyed that Mark is still giving him requisites even though he should be the one with the upper hand. "Okay." Donghyuck mutters through gritted teeth. "Tell me about your family."

It's personal, if he couldn't get what he wanted then he'd get the closest to it he possibly could. Family could show him many things about Mark — if he spoke the truth, that was. "Dad's secretary of state, been in charge of the Seoul area for about six years now. I suppose he's good at it, otherwise he wouldn't keep being elected."

Donghyuck snorts inwardly, there were far too many ways one could forge such a thing for Mark's declaration to be necessarily correct. Still he says nothing.

"My mom works for the government too, she's dad's second hand in command i suppose. They earn a lot of money, but that's a taken isn't it?" He steals one short glance at the rank three before continuing. "They're not really home, like ever. Politicians don't really catch a break so i was raised by nannies mostly, and now i just fend for myself."

The boy thinks back to his own family, how united they were, how much they always showered his life with nothing but love and affection. For a split second he pities Mark, but soon enough he remembers the room he was currently in, and the little luxuries he would always be denied that Mark got for simply being pushed into the World. No effort on his side, and yet he got to live a lavish life. Everything comes with its terms, he supposed Mark's were a terrible family life. Nothing to pity there.

"I see them in the mornings, sometimes not even that. But that's sort of how most rank ones live either way, high ranking jobs are time consuming." Mark drags his nails across the fabric of his sweatpants and sighs. "What else is there, really? This is nothing more than your typical rich kid sob story really."

"Interesting."

"What is?"

"Too see you're self aware like that."

Mark doesn't reply to that, not that Donghyuck expected anything anyways. Silence falls again as the boy tries to think of what to ask, what exactly he could formulate to create a picture of how the World was out there, outside his little bubble.

"Have you ever been to the poorer regions?"

The rank one shakes his head. "Not many of us do, people raise too many eyebrows if you don't follow the norm. We are not a very big pool of people as you might expect, so everyone knows each other. You have all eyes on you at all times, everyone wants to see the others slip and fall from their rank."

"You almost did."

"Almost. Not quite, but yes."

Curiosity spikes inside Donghyuck. Mark had done something he shouldn't then, someone must've ratted him out which ended up with him in there. It was sort of like a jail to the boy.

"Anyway, we aren't directly told we shouldn't go there, but it's implied."

"They say things about us, don't they?" Donghyuck frowns, it's against his will really, but he feels so upset that the people he adored were most likely painted in a negative way.

"They do." Mark looks sorry, Donghyuck wishes he didn't. He doesn't know if it's genuine, or how many times Mark partook in bad the mouthing people like him. He doesn't know anything, hence why he couldn't allow himself to feel anything but neutrality — though it was too hard to not be angry and sad. "In schools we are told we must work hard to educate our people, the bottom ranks included. So to bring them up high with us and all. But outside everyone says things that make me believe that won't ever happen, i've heard my father make speeches about equality when he comes home to call rank fives, and i quote, "nothing but dirty.""

Donghyuck grimaces. _Dirty._ He thinks of Jisung, of how beautiful he was inside out. _Dirty._ Jisung was nothing of the sort. It was more than clear that rank ones had little to no contact with them, he could bet his life on how Mark's father had never properly interacted with a rank five in his entire life.

"The boy today, that one that won, he was the first rank five i have ever seen. And i know he's here for a reason, so he isn't like the rest, but he's nothing like i envisioned."

"It's called brainwashing." He whispers.

"I know."

Donghyuck doesn't feel he could ask anything more. His head hurt. He wanted to go back to his dorm and be with the people he felt good with, he wanted to be with his rank. Not sit there with a person that lived a life so different from his, someone who probably saw in him more wrong than good. Donghyuck feels little, dirty even.

He gets up and turns to Mark. "I should go."

"Already?"

"Yes. Already." The boy says dryly and walks to the door, Mark follows behind with a puzzled look on his face but still he nods.

"Okay, come by whenever then."

Donghyuck doesn't say anything before closing the door behind him.


	7. sympathy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ❝ We must learn to love, learn to be kind, and this from earliest youth; if education or chance give us no opportunity to practice these feelings, our soul becomes dry and unsuited even to understanding the tender inventions of loving people. ❞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know the updates are fairly slow right now im sowy, im trying to finish off another work of mine and my exams are in just a few days time. After those two are out of my way i SHOULD update way more frequently so please bare with me for now TT this is also fairly short so ahh..... don't kill me

**F** lames dance inside his chest, though the exact reason as to why, Donghyuck wasn't certain. 

It could be perhaps caused by the stinging pain in his left cheek from a fresh blow, perhaps it was the usual anger that arose every morning at the realisation that he had to put up with the trials for yet another day, or perhaps,  _ perhaps _ , it was the nervousness flooding his body as Mark walked up to the center and stood right in front of him. His eyes, kind as always, stare into Donghyuck’s with an emotion the boy could not decipher. 

The rank one smiles softly, a reassuring reminder that he wasn't there to make it hurt. However Donghyuck knew if one of them were to win, it would not be pain free. Mark extends his arm so to shake their hands in a cordial manner before the match begins. Donghyuck doesn't know what to expect from him exactly, but he should've expected the rank one to be as good as he was, it was a given, but often he forgot Mark was not as much of an easy target as he came across. Mark was smooth, quick, strong. He dodged every blow with grace, sliding behind Donghyuck before the boy could even react. His tactics were clearly polished, whether from real fights or practice, it was hard to tell. 

One thing was certain, though, Mark never made it hurt. The few times he came into contact with the rank three was to try to push him to the floor, but unlike Donghyuck’s last opponent, he refused to punch him in any way. "Mark Lee!" Both boys come to a halt and stand still as the coach approaches them. "This is a trial for physical ability not intellect, you're supposed to use force to dominate the other."

The rank one lowers his head and nods. "I understand, sir."

"Clearly you do not."

"I used old techniques and forgot the initial trial, i'm very sorry."

Donghyuck glances at Mark, the boy's expression was blank and his back had been straightened in a way that reminded him of Renjun. It was clear that the other was more than used to becoming submissive to higher powers like that. He already knew how to please, what to say, what to do. 

"Restart!"

They move to the center once again and shake hands. Before the whistle blows, Mark leans in closer carefully to make sure no one noticed he had moved. "I'm sorry." He whispers while barely moving his lips, Donghyuck didn't know how he could do such a thing but there wasn't time to dwell on it either. 

It was an impossible match. He knew so, but to give up was cowardly and if there was one thing Donghyuck despised, was cowards. Mark moved like a feather, knocking him onto the floor with so much ease that it made the rank three wonder if he had any strength at all. Compared to the other it felt he had not. 

Anger begins to build up inside his chest, the infamous angry flames burn his insides with hatred, but nothing is enough. His angered blows are dodged, and those that manage to smack against the boy seemed to cause no harm whatsoever. Mark was a funny little human, so harmless looking, yet so deadly — Donghyuck can't help but think of him as a bug, a tiny venomous spider. 

Goosebumps form on his skin as his body collapses against the hard floor. He's scared, though he knows Mark had too much sympathy running in his blood to hurt him. Being under the rank one, however, arose feelings inside of him that he couldn't shake. He feels vulnerable, weak, small. As Mark ties his hands behind his back to prevent him from fighting any further, Donghyuck can't help but search for the boy's hands and stab his grown out nails down on the tender skin. The other hisses but doesn't act upon it, instead he finishes tying the knot and gets off Donghyuck to claim his victory. 

Donghyuck can't look him in the eyes when they part ways — after he  _ finally _ gets freed from the ropes. Instead he hides in the middle of the crowd and watches Mark from far away, it is no surprise to find the boy manhandling his opponent like it was nothing. Many boys come and go, one after the other, but ultimately Mark gets thrown out by a tall and strong rank two that had probably analysed the boy's techniques for long enough to beat him to it. 

Instead of looking disappointed, the boy seems to be relieved. Donghyuck assumed it was because of his failed attempt to keep his rank a secret, little did he know that many people already knew. His success at beating almost everyone had only brought more attention and speculation to the topic. All around him came a sea of murmurs, Mark's name rings in his ears from all the chattering, the secret was hardly one anymore, but still nothing proved people's theories. The boy could simply be lucky, or have practiced hard for the trials. As long as nobody proved the rumours right, Donghyuck had the upper hand and a reason to get what he wanted out of Mark. 

  
  
  
  
  


Jeno finds himself on top of a stage. Ahead, the audience watched his every move in pure silence. He knows nothing of it is real, but looking at the front row he finds nothing but familiar faces, and suddenly everything feels awfully authentic. Donghyuck doesn't bat an eye at him however, his best friend's usual reassuring smile was nowhere to be seen and had instead been replaced by a cold frown. Next to him sat Renjun, beautiful stoic face full on display for him to admire for as long as he wished. Eventually his eyes drift to the left of the boy, he sees Ten, then Kun and finally Yuta. To Donghyuck’s right was the boy whose name he still had yet to find out. His eyes seemed to glint differently from the rest however, as if he was alive.

A shiver runs down his spine. When he looks away from the hypnotic gaze, a focus of light falls on him making him even more prominent compared to everything and everyone else inside the room. He clings onto the sheets of paper in his hands and glups. Nobody had explained what the trial was about, but it wasn't very hard to guess from the scenery. Then again, nothing was supposed to be obvious, so Jeno could be painfully wrong. 

He moves the papers up towards his eye level and licks his lips. The only audible sound inside the large hall was of his shaky breathing, so the second his voice rips through the silence, Jeno grimaces. It's  _ loud _ , louder than he thinks should be. Still he keeps on reading, forcing himself to feel at ease even if his brain begged for him to leave. It was irrational to be so afraid, after all nobody in that hall seemed to be actually present. He was speaking to the wall, quite literally. 

And yet the  _ stupid _ nervous feeling begins to grow larger and larger as the words slip through his lips. He doesn't know what he's reading exactly, as far as he remembers it seemed to be a text about citizen duties, but Jeno had stopped assimilating the words just about a paragraph in. His mind screams at him to read properly, to remain calm so his voice wouldn't become shaky. Heknows something was bound to happen if he showed how anxious he truly felt. It was weakness, and Jeno is painfully aware of how much of a frail mind he possessed. 

Mid-speech, another voice overshadows his. The boy snaps his head down, eyes wide in fear and i surprise only to find the stranger with the lively eyes standing up with a serene expression. "I disagree." He states loud and proud. 

Jeno blinks rapidly and opens his mouth to speak, but he doesn't quite know what he's supposed to say. It takes a while for him to find a response, the boy standing up doesn't seem to mind. "What don't you agree with?" 

"Are you nervous, Jeno?" 

Hearing his name come out of the boy's mouth like that shook him to his very core. It takes everything in him to remain calm. "Am not."

"Took you far too long to answer."

"I was surprised."

"Weak."

Jeno grinds his teeth against each other and then forces a smile. "What do you not agree with?" 

"Equality is unachievable, there is no point to strive towards impossible goals. Rather, the government should aim for more achievable projects. Citizens shouldn't be forced to care for the poor."

He knows it was a test, he knows the boy wasn't real, but the glint in his eyes made him look too realistic for his taste. That hate speech was nothing new to him however, unlike Donghyuck his blood didn't boil so easily. Over the years, a numbness to bigotry had formed which shielded him from the annoyance the trial attempted to create. "Nothing is impossible, even if we never end up achieving full equality it's still best to aim towards the most minimal amount we can have. The government can multi-task, it is not rocket science."

"It can multi-task with something useful instead, if the poor really wish to rise up then they must work for it."

"Have you worked for your rank?" 

A silence falls. Jeno quirks his eyebrow at the boy who seems to be unresponsive. He begins glitching, the image flickers a few times before the stranger disappears into nothingness. Confusion takes over him, Jeno didn't know if the boy's disappearance was a good sign or the opposite entirely. 

The light above him intensifies, it hurts his eyes and makes him blink the discomfort away. Jeno furrows his eyebrows and clears his throat before continuing his speech where he had left it off — or rather where he thought he had, it wasn't like he actually had a clue. This time his heart doesn't hammer inside his chest with the same intensity, instead a calmness spreads across his body. With a now relaxed posture, the entire trial just felt stupid but he had no other option but to keep going, speaking into the hall pretending anyone was truly listening to a word he was saying. 

"Jeno." Someone calls out for him suddenly, he could recognise that voice anywhere. "Do you truly believe the government cares?" 

That was no easy question. Not only because Jeno was not informed enough on the matter, but because he couldn't know just how much of those trials where visible to outsiders. Could they see his imagination? Could they be spying on him? Frankly he didn't know, but he supposed he had never been haunted for the things his brain came up with so far which probably meant he needn't worry to answer honestly. 

"I don't."

"Then why are you spewing their propaganda out of your mouth like you believe they wish to chance our country's current situation? You know it's all lies, you're spreading lies, going against your own people."

"I don't have a choice."

Donghyuck barks out a laugh, but it sounds nothing like his friend's real laugh. It was a sweet reminder none of what he was experiencing was more than a mere creation inside his head. "I have told you countless times, to say you have no choice is to chose the easy path. You're nothing more than a measly coward."

He shakes his head. It stung coming from what seemed to be Donghyuck, his normal voice even sounded extremely alike. Jeno had to remind himself to stay focused and remind himself that his best friend was not actually there. "Not everyone is meant to be a revolutionary, maybe i want to live comfortably."

"You preach for equality but don't want to exercise your privileges."

"The poor would not care for me either if the roles were to be switched."

Donghyuck's mouth twitches but nothing comes out from it. It takes a minute or so before he too begins glitching and eventually his seat becomes empty. 

Jeno gets it now, he knows what he has to do to get out of there. Seeing how big the audience was, however, he knew he was about to spend hours on end trying to finish the trial once and for all. 

He begins reading again. 

  
  
  
  
  


Jisung had probably been the only good thing that had come of the trials. The boy, that had once been very quiet and shy, now spoke at every opportunity he'd get. Donghyuck didn't mind, not one bit, in fact it made his days brighter in many ways. He barely got to see Jeno, and even if he wasn't mad about the roommates he had been placed with that year, they hadn't clicked right away like he had with Jisung. 

"Hyung, will you come for dinner?" 

Donghyuck ties his shoes in silence instead of answering right away. Truth was he was probably supposed to meet Mark, dinner time was perfect as most people would be in the canteen instead of roaming about. He sighs then purses his lips. "Sadly no, i'm really tired i think i'll head to my room and nap."

The boy was clearly disappointed and Donghyuck hated how much that made his heart ache. The need to admit the truth to him almost speaks louder than reason but he manages to keep his posture and pretends to not notice how let down Jisung was. "Ah alright, well did i tell you about yesterday's fight?" 

No, he had not, and frankly Donghyuck couldn't care less about petty fights amongst strangers, but still he allows the boy to ramble on and on about it. The happy twinkle in Jisung's eyes was endearing, he finds himself relaxing again as his brain drowned in the boy's raspy voice. His peace of mind comes to and end just minutes later however when he catches a glimpse of Mark passing by them to leave the changing rooms. Realisation hits him once more and he grows agitated, Jisung thankfully doesn't seem to notice and proceeds to keep on chattering happily. Though not even that distracted him anymore, it still gave him a sense of comfort. 

They part at the elevator. Jisung enters the cramped space looking absolutely terrified, then looks at his friend with puppy eyes as a last attempt to lure the other into having dinner with him. It doesn't work, but it was a good attempt. Donghyuck waves him off with a sly smile and watches as the elevator moves away leaving him and two other people alone in silence. The most boring part was waiting for the elevator to return so that he could take the route to a completely different location in the opposite side of where it had just departed to. 

To cure his boredom Donghyuck begins playing with his blue bracelet, there wasn't much to it however. He toys around with the 3D hologram of the map of the entire area, zooming in on various locations he had already been to then tries guessing where else they might be taken to. Though he wasn't sure there would be any other trial outside, he sure hoped there wouldn't. Those always ended up being infernal. 

A loud ding snaps him back to reality. The now empty elevator stands before him with its door open. He turns the screen off and walks inside alongside the other two strangers from before but part of him wished he had stood still and let the elevator go on without him. Which was idiotic as he needed to go left to get to his dorm anyways, but he knew the moment he got in all by himself, he would end up seeing Mark. It was bigger than him, his blood boiled whenever they'd converse and yet he longed for more knowledge, more insight. 

The first person to leave is the boy. It seemed he was a rank four, perhaps a three that had been put with the fours like in Renjun's case — but that'd be a rarity. The girl comes after, thankfully she had been a rank three, otherwise it would raise questions as to why he'd keep going further than the rank two dorms. He travels alone, the only sound surrounding him were of the electric motor faintly buzzing the entire ride. Donghyuck passes by the rank two dorms which were seemingly empty and free of possible witnesses. He sighs in relief and finally allows his body to relax completely, everything  _ should _ go smoothly after that. 

The ride is long. The rank one dorm seemed to had been placed the furthest away possible, which was not a surprise in the slightest but still highly inconvenient — and biased, but that was a taken. Donghyuck almost falls asleep at some point but luckily wakes up before reaching his final destination. He stands up on his wobbly legs and hangs onto the metal bar for dear life as the elevator halts and opens its doors. 

The boy looks all around before stepping out, the coast seemed to be clear but robots were sneaky which meant he needed to be careful. Slowly, with feather-like steps, Donghyuck manages to reach Mark's door. He knocks then glances behind him to check if he had made too much noise. Nothing. 

"You came." Mark beams as he opens the door.

Donghyuck doesn't answer, instead forces a smile to his face and takes a step forward silently asking for permission to come inside — which Mark grants gladly. He didn't understand the rank one's actions in the slightest, especially why he always seemed so excited to see him. It wasn't like their talks were pleasant per say. 

"Are you hungry? You're skipping dinner."

"A bit." The boy mumbles, which was nothing more than a big fat lie. He just hoped his stomach wouldn't grumble and give away how truly hungry he actually was. 

"I got food, if you'd like." Mark suggests while pointing at the big tray on top of his desk. It was definitely not the kind of food served in the canteen, which meant not only the rank one could ask to have food delivered, but he too had the option to get for a different menu. 

Donghyuck breathes in sharply. He was hungry, no matter how annoyed he felt with the special treatment, food was more important to him at that very moment. "Thanks." The boy smiles weakly before walking closer to the tray and picking the chopsticks that seemed to be untouched. 

Mark sits on his bed not too far away and waits patiently for the other to start speaking but Donghyuck couldn't be bothered with trying to ask questions when a series of explosion of amazing flavours erupt inside his mouth. He knew top class food was bound to taste better, or so that was the what people spread around, but he had not expected it to be  _ that  _ different. The boy almost moans out loud. 

"Seems you like it." 

"Yeah it's good." He replies in a nonchalant manner. Donghyuck savours every last bit of the food, not caring if he was making Mark wait or not, and then turns to face the other who already seemed to have been looking in his direction with a ghost of a smile. "Thank you again."

"Oh it's nothing."

Mark was just  _ too  _ nice. It felt like a trap, but Jeno often called him paranoid, so he was probably driving himself insane with his theories for no good reason. Perhaps the rank one was truly nice, perhaps he was lonely and had no actual friends. Donghyuck didn't want to care but deep down he wondered a lot about such things. It was too hard to not see things in a humane level rather than viewing Mark as just an informant. 

"Mark." He calls out softly while arranging everything back inside the tray. The other hums as as a response. "Is it easy to have friends as a rank one?" 

"No."

The lack of hesitation was almost comical, yet sad. Donghyuck stands up and cocks his eyebrows up at the other. "Why? Not enough of you?" 

"It's easy to find acquaintances, but not friends. You're smart you can guess why, no?" 

"Well it doesn't matter what my guesses are i'm here to hear the facts." He says while walking towards the bed.

Mark follows his with his big eyes and then snorts. "Right, makes sense." The boy waits for the other to sit down, then clears his throat and begins explaining. "It's all a game of interests, you best friend the rich kid and what are the odds they'll financially support you when you need it? Very high. Rank ones are rich but there's always someone  _ richer  _ and the point in life is to infiltrate, to gain their trust and make sure to never do a false move. I am not the richest, not close, but i'm part of the ladder going up so it still happens a lot. I learnt to not try anymore."

"So no friends?" 

Mark's silence was the answer he needed. He was right, Mark was happy to see him because he had no friends. Pity suddenly seemed too weak of a word for the emotion roaring in his chest. 

"Okay anyways. Already can see rank one's lead a depressing life socially, not a surprise but still." He tries lightening up the mood the best he could, though he wasn't exactly sure how to. Deep down he couldn't allow himself to be too kind, it felt wrong. "Do you have pictures of your house?" 

"My house?!" Mark's already round eyes become even more enlarged. 

"Yeah, i am sure it's entirely different from mine. I'm curious."

The rank one blinks back at him a few times before getting up and walking towards the table to fetch his phone. Donghyuck squints his eyes while analysing the foreign object, it looked almost nothing like his own. Mark returns to the bed and clicks by the side of the phone to expand the screen by four times, Donghyuck had already seen such 'tricks' before but the object seemed to have become something else entirely, going from phone to computer sized. 

"Right, so i found pictures that my dad sent us when we got stuff repaired. I don't really take pics of my house otherwise."

Donghyuck nods and moves closer to the other to take a better look. It wasn't exactly what he expected — it wasn't the stereotypical mansion with a large metal gate and garden with a fountain in the middle. Rather, it looked like a normal, average, black door. He frowns then looks at Mark for answers. 

"What? You can't expect us to have a palace in the middle of Seoul." He snorts and swipes left. "The house extends upwards. My room is on the seventh floor."

The rank three gasps loudly before he could hold himself back, the genuine reaction makes Mark chuckle. "Seventh? You own a damn building?" 

"I guess? It isn't too big, just seven stories high."

" _ Just. _ "

The other opens and closes his mouth, probably trying to find something in his defence but eventually gives up and continues his guided tour. "The entrance, it's kind of like a lounge place. I barely use it, the guests do when they come over to talk to my parents though." 

The picture showed a fancy looking room with white and black sofas and wooden walls. There wasn't much to it, just expensive looking decoration that could probably buy off Donghyuck’s entire existence. In fact, the painting by the far end probably cost more than his entire house. He wouldn't be surprised if it did. 

"The first floor, that's the living room."

"Looks the same as the lounge."

"Well, it kinda is? But guests don't go there it's designed so it's just for us. You know, privacy."

Donghyuck quirks his eyebrow and looks right into Mark's eyes. "How often do you have guests if you're so worried about privacy?"

The other hisses under his breath and then chuckles awkwardly. "Like? Everyday? Practically everyday, yeah."

"What for?!" Donghyuck was indignant at the lack of privacy, if that were to happen in his own house he wouldn't even feel like it was his  _ home  _ anymore. "I mean i guess you being up in space all the time makes it alright."

"I only went to space twice though."

A long silence falls between them. Donghyuck stares at the boy with a poker face waiting for him to laugh it off, but he never does. "Oh you're serious?" 

"Why wouldn't i be?" 

Donghyuck whimpers in pain and rubs his face in frustration. "Oh god Mark people don't  _ just  _ go to space where i come from."

"Right." The rank one massages the back of his neck. "Yeah that makes sense. But what did you mean then?" 

"Seventh floor! That's pretty damn high."

"Not really."

" _ Mark. _ " He growls. 

The boy puts his hands up in the air in surrender. "Fine! Anyways, you're right, i don't notice it. Or don't care, i'm used to having their work life shoved in my face."

Mark proceeds to show the rest of the house, from the gaming floor, to the kitchen, to the bathing area — Donghyuck couldn't get through his thick skull the fact that Mark had a whole floor filled with a jacuzzi, showers and, on top of it all, a "small" swimming pool. Did he really need all that?  _ No _ . There were a variety of different floors each making him hiss pain. 

Finally they get to Mark's room, it was very spacious,  _ too  _ spacious. There wasn't a whole lot of furniture in fact, which in turn made it look even bigger. "I can see the sky through the ceiling, it's the best thing ever."

Donghyuck was about to make a bitter comment when he catches Mark smiling foolishly while looking at the screen. His eyes sparkled brightly, he had never seen the rank one show so much adoration for something before. "You love space."

"I do! It's beautiful."

"You want to become an astronaut?" 

Mark's shoulders sag down, his face seems to drop as well. "I do, but that's not in my parents plans for me i guess. They want me to take over their business when they die."

"Well they'll be dead they won't have a say in that."

"It could be another century before they die."

"A  _ century _ ?!" 

"Yeah, haven't you heard of that new record? Recently someone lived till they were hundred and eighty years old."

Donghyuck gapes like a little fish trying to find words to describe how shocked he felt. Where he lived the average was hundred, not many people lived much longer than that. "But you too will live long, when they die you will have many years to do as you please."

Mark shrugs. "I guess, but a century of doing what i don't love just sounds…"

"There's people who have it worse, you'll live."

"Right. Yeah."

After explaining every meticulous detail of the room, especially how the ceiling worked, Mark swipes left again (probably forgetting his room was the last floor) and lets out a little gasp when a picture of him in a suit next to an old man shows up on the screen. Donghyuck snickers and forces Mark to not turn the screen off by holding onto the boy's wrists. 

"Why are you flustered, is that your sugar daddy?" 

Mark shrieks loudly and shakes his head at that. "Oh god no. That's one of my dad's coworkers."

"Yeah that doesn't cancel out the sugar daddy thin-" 

"He isn't!" The boy almost screams, his rosy cheeks made the entire scene become ten times funnier. "I was drunk here that's why i wanted to turn it off."

"You were drunk with an old man? You keep making this worse."

Mark breathes in sharply and licks his lips. "I was dragged to a party filled with my parent's coworkers. Can you imagine how boring it is to be the only young person? I had to chug down alcohol to get through it, and then i became chatty with literally everyone, because i was  _ wasted _ . They found it hilarious, though i can barely remember anything anymore if i'm being honest. Anyways, my dad was happy i was socialising so he took many pictures. Kinda like a proof his son isn't a total lost case or something."

Donghyuck giggles. It was genuine, he had totally forgotten what he had come there to do, and that he shouldn't be creating any sort of bond with Mark. He giggles on and on until Mark smacks his shoulder and begs him to stop. "Your own dad thinks you're a loser, that's-" 

"Sad."

"Yeah, sad."

He looks at the screen again and giggles once more, Mark was clearly out of his mind. His eyes were semi open and his tiny pointy teeth full on display —  _ baby shark teeth _ , he thinks and begins giggling louder. The rank one pouts and huffs but remains silent waiting for the other's laughing fit to fade away. 

"Drunk Mark seems interesting."

"I get that a lot." He rolls his eyes. "How are you when you're drunk?" 

Donghyuck raises his head to look at Mark in the eye and then shoots him a half smile. "I wouldn't know."

"What really? Why?" 

"I don't know, the opportunity never arose." Or rather,  _ alcohol is pretty expensive considering there are days i don't have money to buy myself lunch.  _ But Mark didn't need that much detail. 

The other hums but doesn't say anything, though he was clearly deep in his thoughts. Donghyuck doesn't ask him what he was thinking, instead gets up and pokes the top of the boy's head to snap him back to reality. "It's getting late, i should head back."

It takes a few seconds for Mark to process what those words meant, but soon enough he gets up as well and guides Donghyuck to the door — he didn't have to, it wasn't like the room was big enough to get lost. "Sleep well, i'll see you tomorrow!" He grins. 

Donghyuck wished he could truly hate Mark, but the boy always made it awfully hard to do so. It was frustrating. He catches himself mirroring the boy's expression and tries his best to put on a facade. "You too." He whispers before the door is closed leaving him alone with just his thoughts that were sure to consume his mind and torture him all the way back to the rank three dorm. 

Being sympathetic was both a blessing and a curse. 

  
  
  
  



	8. beyond your horizon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ❝ The most common form of despair is not being who you are. ❞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry it took me a whole month to write just one chapter, ive been doing exams (in fact im still not finished with them) and i also was busy finishing up another fic of mines :-( BUT from now on i SHOULD update more often, if all goes well and i stay motivated :D

**T** here is nothing more freeing than to take out one's bottled up emotions on a lifeless blob of leather filled with sand. Donghyuck had been hesitant at first, after all he wasn't exactly hitting _anyone_ so it felt stupid to give his all to an inanimate object, but all it took was a loud scowl from the coach for his brain to finally take it seriously.

Apparently the last matches had been "a total disappointing disaster" and so there they were, building up skills for the upcoming match that'd take place in just two days time. Training was always boring to him. Even if putting his muscles into practice with an actual trial left him exhausted, it was still better than spending hours beating the 'life' out of the same punching bag that could not fight back until his arms felt sore. Donghyuck had to admit however that it felt oddly relieving to use all his strength to hit something that he knew would not get hurt, with every punch he throws he feels a weight lift off his shoulders (even if just for a short while). He thinks of mostly the fact that he was still forced there then focuses all his anger on his arm as he remembers the fact that once he'd out of there nothing would get any better anyways. He thinks about the constant fear of being found out, of causing his parents pain because he's not like everyone else and he would never be. He thinks about the world depicted in the antique books he hid away in his house, thinks about how different life could be if certain things hadn't happened, and he thinks about the possibility of his prohibited belongings being found and the troubles that would ensue if that was ever to happen.

He thinks a lot. Donghyuck knows that's one of his biggest flaws, if he could only follow blindly, perhaps life wouldn't feel so suffocating. If he could only make his heart numb and his brain automatic just so he could truly fit in, but he had come to the conclusion that that was not going to be possible. It just wasn't him, he couldn't shut himself down. Was it a curse or a blessing? The boy could not figure it out.

Finally he stops. Sweat droplets run down the slope of his nose and fall onto the ground below, he wipes his face the best he could with the sleeve of his T-shirt and then closes his eyes to regain strength. When he opens them again, Donghyuck begins scanning the room. He spots Renjun first, the boy was merely a few meters away fighting a robot like his life depended on it. Donghyuck supposed he preferred to fight a punching bag rather than a human looking robot, though he knew the machine didn't feel emotions, it was still odd. Renjun seemed so out of it though as he tried his best to swing as many blows possible. The boy was always good at that — disassociating that was, going into automatic mode and doing as he was told with no sympathy whatsoever.

After a minute or so of analysing his roommate, the boy grows bored and begins searching for someone else to entertain him. It's then that he's greeted with a familiar curious pair of eyes. Donghyuck sucks in a breath before smiling weakly at Mark who waved at him happily, it still felt wrong to act so casual with a rank one, as if they were friends, as if Mark understood him. Nevertheless he couldn't help but act kind at the very least, though he preferred to cut his interactions with the boy to the bare minimum.

He looks back to his punching bag and sighs deeply. There wasn't much to do but practice, and he feared he'd lock eyes with Mark again if he were to look back up. Donghyuck didn't necessarily have anything against Mark as a person, he couldn't deny that the boy was _nice_ but he had begun stretching his boundaries and he feared what he was getting himself into. In the end of the day he wasn't there to become friends with the boy, he was there to get what he wanted. Donghyuck knew he was already losing track of his main goal already and he, in a way, disliked Mark for being terribly likable. To an extent it would've been better if the rank one had been more of a jackass, but _no_ Mark was kind and it made it hard for Donghyuck to not grow any sort of fondness for him.

The boy smacks his fist against the object with all his strength, once, twice, three time, until his knuckles hurt from the constant painful impact. He hisses and, before he could go back to his training, feels a hand on his shoulder that _almost_ makes him shriek with surprise. When he turns around, the boy finds Mark standing there, boxing pads on both his hands and a gentle smile on his face. Donghyuck almost wants to punch him for always trying to get closer than intended — though it wasn't like they stipulated any sort of deal about it. Donghyuck simply hadn't expected a rank one to ever feel interested in being friends with him hence why that detail had flown over his head.

"Wanna try doing it with me?"

"Why? So i find more motivation to hit harder, is it?" He smirks and Mark barks out a little laugh.

"Whatever works for you."

Donghyuck bites the inside of his mouth before shrugging and grabbing the boxing gloves nearby. He looks right into Mark's eyes before smacking his fist on the pad, he does it a few times before the other boy clicks his tongue and rolls his eyes at him — which a new sight as it seemed the boy only had two expressions, the neutral and the smiley one. "You can do better than that."

"How'd _you_ know?"

"We literally fought yesterday."

"Oh." Donghyuck scrunches up his nose and laughs awkwardly. "Right."

Mark snorts before getting into position and smacking the two pads together. "C'mon give me better than you were, hit it like you mean it."

The boy looks at the other's eyes then down at the pads and grinds his teeth together. Perhaps he was truly being too soft and he hadn't noticed. He gives one hesitant punch and then channels all of his strength on his arms.

"Are you scared of hurting me or what? This is weak." Mark quirks his eyebrow cockily.

The sight makes Donghyuck’s blood begin to boil in his veins. "You wish."

It seemed Mark's comment had worked, Donghyuck almost manages to make the other fall backwards from the sudden impact of his fist against the pad. The boy doesn't complain however, he takes every punch like a pro, even the stronger impacts barely made him budge in his place like the first one had. The fact that it seemed that, even while giving his best, Mark was unaffected pressed all the right buttons inside his brain and made the boy grow angrier and angrier. "Use your legs." Mark demands.

Donghyuck stops for a split second to shoot the boy a puzzled look before nodding and giving the pad a kick. It turns out to be easier than expected and soon enough the boy finds himself using all his limbs to fight with ease. Mark's content smile somehow didn't irritate him, instead it felt like a pat in his back knowing that he was doing it correctly.

"A fast learner."

Donghyuck raises both his eyebrows and smirks just before hitting the pads a few times more. When he's finished, the boy straightens his back and rolls his shoulders all the while keeping eye contact with Mark. He had found it odd the rank one had always seemed so eager to help him, but after their last meeting it truly seemed Mark was more desperate for a friend than expected. It made his stomach churn in guilt, he hadn't come there to make friends, did he even see Mark in the same light?

He supposed he shouldn't feel guilty though, in the end of the day it wasn't Mark who would return home to live as a rank three. A gay one at that. Surely the boy would find a friend sometime in his life, meanwhile he was stuck in his life forever.

"Want to switch?" Donghyuck suggests and Mark shrugs while taking the boxing pads off his hands.

"Why not, it's not like i have anything better to do."

  
  
  
  


Jeno is greeted with pure darkness when he opens his eyes. He stares at the nothingness surrounding him and, when panic suddenly strikes right into his chest, the boy begins moving his limbs in all directions trying to get away only to find out he had been chained down to where he lay.

He swallows thickly and tries his best to remain calm. _In. Out. In. Out._ Slowly but surely his heartbeat seems to calm down and the boy feels himself relax against the cool and hard surface. It's then that the light is turned on, it was faint but allowed him to analyse the room he was stranded in — not that there was much to see, the room was seemingly empty.

The boy closes his eyes, there was so use in fighting. Or maybe there was, maybe that was the trial. Jeno furrows his eyebrows and grinds his teeth against each other with frustration, he hated having to figure everything out by himself. He wasn't sure what exactly was expected of him and that infuriated him, the boy knew he wasn't made for guessing games, rather he preferred to be told what to do and follows those orders the best he could. That was what he was meant to do. Not this.

Thankfully, _or not so much_ , it soon becomes clear what exactly he was about to be put through. Noticing a gradual rise in temperature, the boy slowly opens his eyes but soon wishes he had remained oblivious to it all. He stares mortified at the flames surrounding him that only seemed to grow closer and closer. "No." He cries out and begins tugging harder at the chains holding him down. The heat slowly becomes unbearable, it made the boy feel so lightheaded that he found himself unable to find the strength to move anymore.

Jeno closes his eyes tightly as he waits for the inevitable, a single tear rolls down his cheek but it evaporates before it could even touch the metal surface below. The scorching sensation eats at his fingertips first, the boy shouts with the agonising pain, begging for it to stop but nothing happens, the fire moves closer eating at his skin further and further at each passing second. Animalistic screeches fill the entire room as the flames engulf his body. Jeno didn't know how to get out of it though, he pleaded to be let out, to give up on the trial just to make it stop, but nothing happens. The fire continues moving dangerously close to his face.

"GET ME OUT! GET ME OUT OF HERE, ANYONE?!" The boy cries out with the remains of strength he had in his body but, just as expected, nothing happens.

He closes his eyes, the flames were now seconds away from swallowing his face. Every other inch of his body had already been touched by the fire. Jeno could not feel half of it anymore, in fact the boy couldn't process anything, it was as if his brain had shut down entirely due to the shock and to protect him from the unbearable pain.

Then suddenly, all he can hear is a loud voice ring in his ears and a pair of hands grasp at his bicep. Jeno opens his eyes and finds himself inside a white room that he recognises as the trial room. He touches the soft chair below him to make sure he still wasn't inside that horrible room and then sluggishly looks at the person in front of him. "Are you okay?!" The boy asks softly, yet worriedly, but Jeno can't reply, he feels unable to.

His brain refused to cooperate with the rest of his body, but he could've sworn he could recognise that face from somewhere. No name comes to mind however so he allows himself to remain in his place, not reacting to anything happening all around him, simply staring at the boy's face which only grew more worried by the minute.

"Na Jaemin step away." A deep voice sounds loudly and echoes inside Jeno's brain painfully loud. The boy in front of him gives him one last reassuring squeeze to his biceps before stepping back and allowing the man to take a look at Jeno. "He's not responding?"

"No sir, i had finished my trial so i was sitting in my chair relaxing a bit and i saw him convulsing so i sprinted here and forcefully woke him up."

Jeno blinks back at the two males with curiosity, slowly but surely he found himself more able to understand what exactly was going on and so he tries speaking, though everything that comes out of his mouth sounds like gibberish to him. "Game over, i want gave over. It didn't game over."

The other boy, which Jeno somehow remembered had been called Jaemin, frowns deeply making him wonder if he had said something wrong. "Right okay." The man says and sighs deeply while rubbing his face. "I'll be taking him to the nurse."

"He'll be alright, right?"

With some help from the man, Jeno eventually manages to get on his two feet and wobble his way around. Jaemin snakes his arm around the other boy's torso to help give some stability and looks deep into his eyes with an emotion Jeno could not decipher. "Should be, he's probably just exhausted and this was the final straw."

Jaemin smiles gently at Jeno and ruffles the boy's hair as if he were a child. "Hang in there, yeah?" Is the last he says to him before the man takes over and drags him away as quickly as possible.

  
  
  
  
  


Donghyuck had lost count of just how many days he had skipped dinner with his friends. He missed them dearly, especially Jeno who he hadn't gotten to see in what felt like years. He wondered how he was doing, everyone knew how mentally exhausting and scarring the mental trials could be. Not that the physical ones were heaven either but as someone who had been put through the mental games, Donghyuck feared for the worst.

The guilt wasn't enough though, the boy still ends up on the elevator on his way to Mark's dorm. He promised himself to check on Jeno sometime, send him a message or go to his dorm the next day. Perhaps even have dinner with the rest before heading off to the rank one's room, though he knew that would leave him with very little time to get anything out of Mark.

Donghyuck groans and rubs the side of his head with his indexes, there was so much to stress about, all he wished was for everything to evaporate into thin air. He wanted to be back home hugging his mother after she returned from work. The boy missed the affection just as much as he missed reading, he didn't have time for either, he barely had time to reflect on things anymore. Whenever he'd get back from being with Mark, he'd be too exhausted to lay in bed thinking, his brain would black out instantly. There was no time for anything, Donghyuck hated that the most.

He stands up and waits for his stop while looking out through the glass onto the vast darkness of the forest surrounding the building. He missed the liveliness of his neighbours, he missed the noise they'd make early morning which always woke him up even during weekends, he missed wandering about for hours without any sort of plan or destiny. He missed everything and more.

The elevator stops and the door opens. Donghyuck stares ahead for a few seconds before finally stepping down and slowly walking towards the familiar door, the loud dragging of his feet must've given off his presence for Mark opens the door before the boy had even gotten close enough to the door to make known he had arrived. The rank one smiles gently and opens the door wide. "Gave up on being discreet?"

"Seems your guards are always missing." Donghyuck shrugs and flops onto the bed carelessly, the urge to lay down to take a nap was overwhelming but his pride always won over and so he remains seated waiting for Mark to settle next to him.

"They're playing hide and seek with you." He chuckles and extends his arm, Donghyuck stares at the cup in his hand and then looks back at the boy with a puzzled expression. "Just water, don't worry."

"Thanks."

"And since i know you're skipping dinner, i got just a bit more. Wanna eat?"

Donghyuck wants to punch Mark's face. He truly, _genuinely_ does. There was no point in always being so kind, it pissed him off to no end. Still he could never deny some food, so he grabs the apple being handed to him while trying his best to not show how grateful he felt for the gesture. "Did you learn to fight as a kid?"

Mark licks his lips and nods. "Not as a kid, though, well, if you consider a thirteen year old a kid-"

"Thirteen year olds are as childish as one gets."

The other snorts loudly. "At thirteen is when hell breaks loose for us." When Donghyuck furrows his eyebrows, Mark sighs and puts his glass down. "At thirteen we are officially teenagers so they treat us as such. I got taught to fight, to do finances, to take care of a business, anything one can think of that will help me be a successful adult basically. To an extent, i'm grateful, but thirteen year old me didn't enjoy the sudden pressure all that much."

"Right." Donghyuck sips on his water loudly while trying to imagine a world where he'd even _need_ to be told how to run a business. The highest he could ever get would be secretary, and he already had convinced himself that was too high of a goal. Not that he'd make a good secretary anyways. "Do you like business?"

"I guess it isn't so bad? I definitely don't _love_ it, but yeah." Mark grabs his cup again and turns to look the other right in the eye. "What would you like to be, Donghyuck?"

Taken aback by the personal question, the boy finds himself speechless. To be frank he never had put much thought into the matter, all his life he had simply begged that the divine force above would kind enough to grant him a job that allowed him to live a satisfactory life in which he didn't need to beg for money. Apart from that, he hadn't come up with anything else. It would only be wishful thinking anyways.

"Something that actually pays enough."

He hates it. He hates the sadness that fills Mark's face, as if he cares, as if he pities him, as if Donghyuck was nothing but a wounded puppy by the side of the road. He hates that Mark truly seemed to have no notion of what the world was like beyond his rank one horizons, though he supposed that was an ironic thought. The only reason he was there in the first place was because he too had no idea how the world worked outside of his little bubble.

"C'mon you must have some sort of vocation."

"Does it matter if i do? It's not like i can actually pursue it Mark." He grunts before taking a big bite of the red apple, if he couldn't take his annoyance on the rank one then the poor fruit would have to do.

"Not with that mentality, no."

"Some of us don't live in dreamland, i'm realistic."

Mark stares at him in pure silence, Donghyuck could almost see the wheels inside his brain turn trying to find something inspirational to say. He waits patiently knowing he'd have a witty answer to cut him off ready in the tip of his tongue. "Okay, i'll rephrase that then." The boy finally says. "What do you enjoy doing?"

That conversation wasn't going anywhere productive, it wasn't like telling the boy about himself would inform Donghyuck of anything. Still Mark seemed to keen in knowing the answer that Donghyuck couldn't help but respond. "I like to read, collect old things, to sing, i don't know."

"You sing?"

"I said i like to, not that i _know._ "

Mark rolls his eyes. "If you enjoy it then clearly the outcome cannot be all that bad."

"I bet you had singing classes, feels you've had all the kinds of classes in the world." The boy's silence is the answer he needs, Donghyuck lets out a frustrated sigh and goes back to munching on his apple. He could only wish to ever have any sort of training, a teacher was far too expensive.

"Sing to me then, i can tell you if you're bad."

"You're too kind to be honest."

"That's where you're mistaken, kindness doesn't equal fakeness."

Donghyuck bites his bottom lip and swallow down some water. He was far too nervous, surely his voice would crack if he didn't manage to calm down, but Mark seemed so impatient with his big eyes glued on him. The boy clears his throat and tries remembering one of his favourite songs, he often sung it alongside Jeno during his hangouts. As the lyrics flow through his lips, Donghyuck swore he could feel the grass of the meadow under the palm of his hand and Jeno's huskier voice by his side singing along in a slightly off tuned manner. He closes his eyes and looks ahead into the memory of the blue river that they'd always sit by to rest from their long walks, and for just a split second, it truly felt as if he had been transported back into the past.

Sadly the song eventually comes to an end and so does his vision. He opens his eyes and finds himself still inside Mark's dimly lit room. His heart squeezes painfully hard in his chest as if he was seconds away from crying. "That was beautiful." Mark's voice breaks the silence, and even though the boy had spoken softly, it still hurt Donghyuck’s ears. It was nothing more but a reminder that he was still stuck there, unable to live as he pleased because of the government's whims.

"Thank you." He whispers back, suddenly too flustered to even face the other. "I'm guessing teacher Mark isn't going to kick me out of his class after all uh?"

"Not at all! I think you're better than me, in fact i'm _sure_ that you are."

Donghyuck snaps his head to the side to stare at the boy with his eyes open so wide that it almost looked as if they could pop out of their sockets. Mark laughs loudly at his expression, he throws his head back and almost falls onto the mattress from the intensity of his laughing fit. Meanwhile the rank three watched the scene with a look of disapproval. "Hey, asshole, lying about those things isn't that funny."

The other perks up instantly and his laughter dies down just as Donghyuck finishes speaking. "What?! No! I wasn't laughing because i was _lying_ i was laughing because of your expression."

"Shut up."

"Dude i'm serious."

"Mark, i just cannot be better than you. That's not a thing."

Mark's eyebrows knit in pure confusion, he blinks a few times before finally realising Donghyuck meant every word he had just said. "That's absurd? Rank ones aren't Gods, we aren't perfect?"

"You're a designer baby, you're literally made to be perfect."

"Nobody is perfect, that's an old cliché saying but a true one either way." The rank one moves closer to Donghyuck with a slight pout on his lips. "No rank one is perfect, not at all, i know i'm not. Sure maybe things come more easily to me but that doesn't mean i was just born knowing everything and mastering every skill or something, maybe if i enjoyed singing as much as you do then i could do opera and be better than you could ever be. Sure! Maybe! But who knows maybe you are truly better than i am and with the right help you could become the best singer alive."

"Oh come on now Mark-"

"What i'm trying to say with all this, that i know is nothing but exaggerations, is that you can't even know your true potential if you don't have the means to train it properly. Without all the training i've been doing all my life, i wouldn't be _this._ " He stops and relaxes slightly. "Designer babies only get the genes that help them be better, other babies might get those naturally by pure luck. You might be just like me, and you just don't know it."

Somehow, the words hit harder than expected. Donghyuck feels his throat clog up and his eyes become wetter with the tears that form against his will. He couldn't even have prepared himself for it, he could barely keep himself together properly but somehow not a single tear escapes his eyes. "Thank you." He croaks out the best he could.

The room falls silent. Mark had nothing else to add and Donghyuck couldn't get himself to speak for he feared that if he did, the tears would begin flowing without his consent. "You wanna go?" The boy asks cautiously and steals the now oxidised apple away from the other. "It's getting late."

Donghyuck nods and stands up, but before he walks to the door the boy snatches a bit of the food that lay cold on the tray. He hadn't eaten anything in hours and he knew there was nothing to eat back in his room, a simple breakfast in 6 hours would not be enough to give him energy for the following day. So he eats. Eats knowing Mark watched his every move from where he lay on the bed waiting to walk him out. Eats even if his stomach refused to accept the offering from how deprived it had gotten of food. Eats until he couldn't bare being inside the room any second longer.

It's only when the door closes behind him that the tears finally begin flowing. They don't stop, they roll down his cheeks and fall onto the carpet of the hall. The boy can't be bothered to care if he's sobbing or not.

By the time the elevator finally arrives, Donghyuck had practically stopped crying. He didn't understand why he had reacted so intensely, though he had a hunch that the constant daily stress he was kept under was a major factor. Still, it had been months, maybe even years, since he had cried that hard. He couldn't even remember.

He stares out from the class knowing full well he wasn't going to see anything. It wasn't like he was actually _seeing_ what was ahead of him, the boy was too lost in his own mind to actually feel present in the real world. Even then the sight of turned lights ahead still strikes him as odd. It was past midnight already so supposedly everyone was already tucked in bed sleeping to get ready for another stressful day. The boy squints and notices a dark figure walking around in the rank two dorms. He ducks right away trying to hide the best he could to not be seen and prays to whatever God was above that whoever was roaming that late night would not need to take the elevator somewhere else. He'd be instantly caught, there was nothing else beyond the rank two dorms apart from the rank one's.

Donghyuck keeps his head down low and tries his best to calm himself down since being anxious would not do him any good either way, though he couldn't help but feel as if he could puke from how nervous he felt. After minutes of staying in that same position, the boy slowly rises up and notices he had long passed the dorms and was in fact just about to reach his destination.

He stands up quickly and gets ready to leave, the thought of laying in the security and comfort of his bed was painfully alluring. So much so that he finds himself sprinting down the hallway so he'd get to his room quicker. As he carefully closes the door behind him, Donghyuck wonders if all the trouble he was constantly putting himself through was worth it.

The boy changes as quietly and quickly as possible before hopping onto the top bunk where he had left his bed slightly messy trying to resemble a curled up body. He wondered if his roommates actually believed his tricks or if they just couldn't be bothered to ask or even care in the first place. They probably assumed he had found a girl to fool around with at night or something of the sort.

He was just glad nobody asked questions. And he hadn't been caught just yet. So, just before Donghyuck gives into his sleepy brain's wishes, he comes to the conclusion that, at least for the time being, the risk he took every night was indeed worth it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> by the way if any of you is wondering how the heck im supposed to finish this fic in 7 chapters since im going this slow.. if u havent read the tags this story is split into 3 'books' (i know its a lot *awkward laughter*) but dont worry i wont make u wait all that long for some smooch mooching


	9. priorities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ❝ Shared joy, not compassion, makes a friend. ❞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can officially say this is the last 'boring' chapter for now, thank god i feel im boring all of you by now ._.  
> this is a very short chapter, tbh kind of a filler so just bare with me for one last time TT

**T** he phrase "Jeno was sent to the nurse." is arguably not the best thing to wake up to. Donghyuck would've much rather have been woken up as usual — with Renjun slapping his leg nonstop until he finally told him to piss off, which was already bad enough. 

He sits up instantly and looks at Renjun silently pleading for more information to calm down his worried heart that beat painfully fast inside his chest. The other boy however remains quiet staring at him with his infamous dull eyes, though Donghyuck could've sworn he had caught a glimpse of disapproval in them. "What?!" He finally shrieks and looks all the around the room as if the walls would give him answers. "What happened?" 

"He reacted badly to his examination, apparently he was convulsing."

"Shit."

"We were informed just before dinner, we went to check up on him but we didn't know where you had gone to." Renjun explains nonchalantly but Donghyuck could sense the bitterness in his voice. It stung. "Did he look okay?" 

"He didn't speak much but the nurse said he's gotten much better already. Sadly he'll skip today's trial to recover. It'll probably affect his results a lot, he's technically failing two trials."

Donghyuck couldn't care less about the trials, Jeno had his entire life to get them done. What truly broke his heart was the idea of Jeno being so mentally exhausted that he didn't even have the energy to get himself out of the simulation.  _ That  _ was worrisome. 

He sits unmoving, unable to do anything with the worry that consumed every fibre of his being, as the rest of the boys got ready for the day. There was no way in hell he'd get to see Jeno before his own trial ended, Donghyuck wasn't sure of just how much he was going to get done with nothing but worry swimming in his brain. Still he had no option, he was sure his coach would not allow him to 'waste' his precious time on sentimental things. 

"Get moving or you'll be late." Renjun warns him just as he finishes putting on his shirt. "Take all that self hatred out during practice."

Donghyuck side eyes him, the urge to bite back as usual surfaces but the boy finds himself unable to find anything witty to say. All his brain seemed capable of coming up with were sorrowful speeches that he could potentially recite to his best friend as an apology for not having been there when he needed him. 

Eventually he does snap out of it and gets dressed just Renjun could even open his mouth to whine again. 

  
  
  
  


He throws punches at the bag, lazy ones, as if he had no strength left in him. Rather it's motivation he lacks. 

His brain was already set on one thing only: seeing Jeno. Surely he was alright, his roommates had been fairly calm while updating him, but even then sometimes his best friend acted tougher than he actually was especially around people he didn't yet trust. In reality Donghyuck knew the boy was more sensitive than anyone could predict, and so he can't help but worry. Jeno might have been okay physically but those weren't the scars that hurt him, rather what the boy lacked was the capability of mental recovery. 

"Hey." Someone calls, someone whose voice had already been clearly ingrained in Donghyuck’s brain. 

He turns around slightly, just enough to look Mark in the eye, and then proceeds to smack the bag even harder. It wasn't Mark's fault, not in the slightest. In fact he had been the one that started the entire thing not Mark. Yet, Donghyuck can't help but feel anger bubble inside his chest — or rather, frustration. 

"I won't see you tonight."

Mark moves so he's right by the other boy's side and then tilts his head to the side. "Why's that?" 

"My friend got sent to the nurse last night when i was with you."

"Oh, fuck." His eyes go big, even bigger, they sparkle with genuine worry. Donghyuck feels his muscles relax under his sweat slicked skin. "I'm so sorry, so you'll go see him then?" 

He hums as a reply. The usual grumpiness he'd feel when with Mark seemed to tenfold that day, then again everything and everyone was getting on his nerves. He knew it wasn't fair, that had been why Donghyuck had decided to isolate himself, in that way nobody would have to deal with his rude remarks. 

Of course Mark, being his usual  _ way-too-kind-for-his-own-good _ kind of person, refuses to go away. Instead he grabs the same boxing pads from the day before and smiles at the other gently as if asking if he was up to taking his frustrations out of something, or perhaps someone. Donghyuck stares at him in pure silence, both trying to swallow down the urge to call him stupid and pondering if he was going to take advantage of his kindness so shamelessly once again. Eventually he does get into position — legs apart, knees bent, fisted hands near his chest. 

The instant smile of pure happiness in Mark's face almost makes him soft. It takes a lot to not fall for Mark Lee, Donghyuck concludes just before swinging his fist into the pad with all his might. 

  
  
  
  
  


His stomach growls loudly, the noise echoes inside the empty hall and reminds him of just how hungry he feels. This time, though, there would be no extra food from Mark's meal to feast on, but the boy took that bearable pain as just a little punishment for not having been paying attention to his best friend for weeks. 

When the bright light of the nurse's room finally shows up in the distance, Donghyuck begins running for his life not caring if the sound of his shoes smacking against the floor were too noisy. As he stands just meters away from the door, the boy notices the sound of chatter inside and frowns. Donghyuck had expected to be all alone with his friend since everyone else would be too busy eating dinner. 

Slowly he moves closer, and closer, until he's finally inside. With his back turned to him was a boy, he looked familiar somehow but Donghyuck couldn't place his finger on who exactly he could be. Jeno spots him first, his face brightens up instantly and a wide smile spreads across his face as he swings his legs to the side of the bed to come greet his friend halfway. 

"Stay there fool." Donghyuck snorts before sprinting in his direction and swallowing the boy's body in a big, tight bear hug. "How are you?!" 

"Everyone's acting like i got ran over by something, i'm alright i'll go back to my dorm tonight already."

"I think he should stay."  _ That voice.  _ So raspy and low, Donghyuck knew it from somewhere.  _ Where?  _ He turns to the and his eyes go wide at the sight of Jaemin staring at him with the corners of his mouth curled upwards in a warm tight smile. 

The initial shock of seeing the boy there made him incapable of speaking, or rather of forming a proper phrase that didn't involve a series of weird mumbles. He looks in-between the two boys and then finally manages to let out the question that has first popped into his brain. "Why are you here?" 

"Not happy to see me?" Jaemin teases with an eyebrow quirk and a smug smirk. 

"Shut up." He rolls his eyes but still chuckles. "You know Jeno?" 

"Well, not really." Jeno butts in. "He's helped a few times now, he was the one that saw i wasn't doing good."

"What a coincidence." Donghyuck blinks a few times as if making sure that Jaemin was truly there. "This is my best friend."

"I heard lots about you, well i can't say lots i guess it's not like me and Donghyuck spent that long together. Still."

Jeno wiggles his eyebrows at his friend and then proceeds to pinch his cheeks when the other rolls his eyes at him. "He's whipped for me, maybe one day he'll realise it."

"Either way, i just came to check up on Jeno." He turns to the boy and extends his arm out cordially for the other to shake his hand. "See you tomorrow then, rest lots."

"If there's one thing i'm tired of is resting."

"Stop whining some of us don't even get to sleep properly. The privilege." 

"Break is just around the corner." Jaemin says already standing by the door. "Hope you both get to rest during those days, maybe i'll see you around then."

Donghyuck swallow down thickly. There was something about Jaemin, something that both attracted him but also made him feel uneasy. As if the boy was capable of making him fall in love with his diabetic kindness just for  _ fun _ , just to break his heart because it'd be amusing. Of course Donghyuck couldn't know if his gut feeling spoke the truth or if it was just that, a feeling. Either way, he makes a mental note to be extremely careful to not be allured by a pretty face and kind actions.  _ That should be my life motto  _ he thinks to himself and snorts, earning himself a strange look from Jeno. 

"What's so funny?" 

"Nothing. Fate just works in funny ways, can't believe you met Jaemin."

"Well maybe i'll trade you for him as my best friend. Where the fuck have you been?" 

Donghyuck crawls into the bed and flops down on the soft mattress with a sigh. "Business."

"Rank one dude?" Jeno asks and the other nods faintly. "Holy shit you've been hanging out with him this entire time?! People think you've been fucking some girl or something."

"I  _ know.  _ But we've been meeting privately in his room and just… talk. He tells me about his rank one world." He wiggles his fingers up in the air dramatically and then snorts. "Or whatever you wish to call it. It's actually really informative."

Jeno quirks both his eyebrows up and then lays on his stomach right next to Donghyuck. "Never thought i'd live to see you become besties with a rank two, much less a rank one."

"Shut up we're not friends. It's nothing of the sort."

"Must be, you already putting him before me." Jeno teases and then barks a laugh when Donghyuck lets out a loud frustrated grumble. "You really can never detach yourself from this."

"This?"

"Your need to revolutionise." He smiles. Donghyuck could see a mix of both fondness and sadness in his gaze. "One day i'll come home to the news that you've been taken, disappeared into thin air just like that."

Donghyuck snorts then flickers his index on his friend's forehead. "Oh come on now, nobody will hurt me i promise you. I'm very sneaky. Plus this guy, Mark, he's so incredibly kind. It's actually odd, i expected them all to be spoiled brats y'know?" 

"You sure it's not a trap? Like an act?" 

The worry that flashes across Jeno's eyes is endearing, but it too makes Donghyuck feel bad. He did think about the consequences of constantly deciding to test his limits, he could hurt himself but that wasn't what he worried about. What truly made his heart ache, what made him sometimes hesitate before doing or even saying something that was riskier, was the pain he'd cause his family and Jeno if he got into trouble. Surely, as a seventeen year old, the government would be more benevolent. Still he couldn't take that for granted, and his time as a 'child' was running out. Eventually he'd be an adult, accountable for all his actions, prone to getting punished severely. 

But to remain silent, that would be torture. Donghyuck knew it wasn't in his blood to allow injustices to continue, to be silent would be to agree and become just like everyone else trying to go unnoticed. It was a waste of life as he saw it. 

"I wouldn't know for sure, but if it's an act… Goddamn, he's a very good actor indeed."

Jeno doesn't say anything. He rolls on his back and stares up at the white ceiling with a serene expression on his face. Donghyuck knew he was thinking about something and so he waits patiently with his eyes closed to rest his tired eyes, and brain. 

"Whatever you do, i trust you. I do, but stay safe. You can count of me for anything."

"Jeno?" The other hums. "I was worried the trials would turn you cold, but somehow i think they had the totally opposite effect."

"Don't get used to it, dickhead." He says just as he slaps his hand on top of Donghyuck’s stomach. "Once we go back to our ordinary lives, it's over for you."

Donghyuck snickers and throws himself on top of his friend who grunts loudly at the sudden extra weight. "You  _ love  _ me. You always will."

"Spoiled brat."

"Your spoiled brat."

Jeno gags loudly before effortlessly shoving his friend to the side like he was a mere rag doll. "Disgusting."

Donghyuck just laughs. 

He missed Jeno. He missed Jeno  _ a lot.  _


	10. turning point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ❝ Trusting our instinct can be what we fear most. Our actions are ours alone, and we must suffer their consequences. ❞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this kinda turns real dark sometimes, if someone thinks i should add trigger warnings do tell me? i never describe things explicitly but idk 
> 
> anywayssss

**H** e waits for his turn by the side next to Jisung The rank five swings from one foot to another nervously while biting his already short nails, but Donghyuck feels nothing. He's supposed to be nervous as well, but the only kind of worry he has is getting hurt from his opponent. 

Donghyuck is tired. He's tired of caring for the trials, tired of wishing to win thinking that that alone would give him a better life. Maybe it would, at least that's how trials are marketed to the population anyways, but after the Jeno incident, the boy had seemingly lost his 'appetite' for winning. It was his little protest. He was revolting, but nobody knew it. 

"Lee Donghyuck." Their coach calls out, or rather screams. He looks to his side at Jisung, who is frowning with worry, and smiles reassuringly before beginning to walk to the middle. 

He's going to lose.  _ That's quite alright _ . He thinks as he greets at his opponent by extending his arm to shake hands. The boy parallel to him quirks his eyebrow, probably confused by the friendliness, but ends up accepting the handshake. 

Donghyuck warms up his muscles during the few minutes they'd before the match started. As he rotates his arm, his eyes lock with Mark's who stood nearby his rival. He always seemed to take interest in watching the battles close-by, Donghyuck assumed it was to better analyse his possible opponents and learn their technics just like he had done with him just a few days ago. 

Mark raises his arm slightly to wave at him and grins. He probably expected Donghyuck to win, whenever they practiced together the rank one showered him in compliments, admiring just how quickly he had gotten better. Donghyuck almost feels bad that all of that hard work would be thrown out of the window. 

He chews on his bottom lip then grunts. "Fine." The boy whispers to himself and raises his head to look at his adversary on the eyes once more. He wasn't necessarily going to win, but he might as well  _ try  _ just one last time. Jeno would've wanted him to, he would've said that giving up like that would be a waste of time. In fact his best friend was currently going through his own trial, pushing through even though he was clearly tired to the bone. 

Donghyuck doesn't care if he wins or not, he truly doesn't, but suddenly letting out all of his frustrations on someone sounded extremely delicious. He sure had lots he wished to let out of his chest. 

The boy looks at Mark one last time before the whistle blows. He launches himself on his adversary like he was to blame for all the pain in his heart, as if he too wasn't just another kid stuck following the rules of the system just like everybody else. 

Anger is blinding. 

  
  
  
  
  


Jeno hadn't missed it. He hadn't missed the fear running through his veins, hadn't missed worrying about what might come next, what other obstacles he would be put through and for just how long they'd last. 

This time things were slightly different. He isn't alone in his mind, that alone calms his nerves down slightly, but now it was harder to tell apart real from fake. The simulation seemed real, it  _ felt  _ real, it hurt his brain to have to constantly overthink everything he was seeing or touching. 

"Jeno!" Donghyuck shouts in the distance and Jeno begins sprinting instantly.  _ Wait.  _ He stops and furrows his eyebrows.  _ Donghyuck?  _ "Jeno you have to save me, be quick, they'll kill me if you don't win!" 

He bolts in the direction of the voice but  _ of course _ things couldn't possibly be that easy, it seemed he was stuck inside a large maze alongside other five people. Jeno wonders if they too had beard voices of loved ones, they must have for they too run about like ants trying to find their way around the halls and the dead ends. 

Donghyuck calls out to him from time to time as if guiding him to the right location but, somehow, it seemed his voice came from a different place each time he'd hear it. Jeno grunts loudly and tugs at his own hair in frustration, the boy nearby him shoots him a sympathetic smile before continuing to run ahead into what he hoped to be the right way. 

A loud bell rings in his ears mid running. The boy stops and covers the side of his face with the palm of his hand and then, when the loud noise comes to an end, he looks around trying to figure out what that had been all about. Nothing seems to have changed, however when he looks down at the floor he finds there to be a knife shining brightly just next to his feet as if begging to be picked up. 

Jeno crouches down and quickly picks the object up, then looks around once again. Surely everyone else had gotten a weapon too, he had to be on the lookout otherwise he was sure to be eliminated before he could find Donghyuck. Suddenly he remembers what his friend had first said, that they'd kill him, of course there had to be weapons then. Even though none of the deaths would be real, the boy still feels a shiver run down his spine. If he got wounded, would it hurt? Probably. The more realistic the better, he supposed. 

Since he could no longer beg Donghyuck to speak so that others wouldn't know of his location, Jeno tries his best to remember the direction of where he should be heading without any help. The walls were grey, similar apart from the odd scratches in some of them. Jeno wonders where they had come from, but he figures he was better off not knowing. It felt he could walk and walk and yet he remained in the same place, his sense of direction was slowly vanishing, nothing could give it away where he stood, north or south, and how far he had actually gotten. 

He looks up, but the ceiling is white with lamps scattered all over illuminating the trial below. Nothing about it helped, in fact the only thing it did was hurt his eyes. Jeno looks back down at his hands and grasps the knife tightly, it feels real, as if it's actually there. It was creepy. 

"Jeno, hurry up you don't have much time." Donghyuck cries out triggering the boy's fight instincts. He wants to protect him but he doesn't know  _ how.  _

The frustration was driving him insane, he breathes in deeply to calm himself down so he could make rational decisions. The urge to speak back to his friend clogs up his throat but he knows that'd only bring him trouble, so he remains silent. 

"Where are you?" 

Jeno turns in the direction of the sound towards a grey wall and grits his teeth. He wastes no time in trying to find a way around, but finds himself in a dead end. The boy holds his knife closely, pointing outwards so that if anyone came in his direction he'd be ready to attack them back quickly enough. 

He walks slowly, attentive to any sound. The maze seemed oddly quiet, everyone was probably trying their best to not give away where they were as well. The silence buzzed in his ears painfully loud, like an imaginary bee that refused to go away. Jeno wants to speak just so he could hear  _ something,  _ just to make sure he hadn't become deaf. 

The bell sounds loudly, its loud and annoying ringing fills the entire room. Jeno cringes and once again tries to muffle the sound by covering his ears with his hands. When he opens his eyes again, the boy notices the walls had begun to sink onto the floor below.

Just a few meters away, the silhouette of a boy begins showing up as the walls disappear. Jeno's heart hammers in his chest but it only takes him a few seconds to realise that the person was not Donghyuck but rather the same boy who has previously smiled at him. 

"We have a winner!" The coach announces though Jeno can't actually  _ see  _ him. 

Ahead, a girl walks hand in hand with a boy which Jeno could not recognise. She looks at him with a grin but her smile falters seconds after, the realisation that the boy wasn't actually real most likely having hit her then. 

"As for the others. You should've tried harder."

Bile burns the back of his throat as four bodies get dragged to the middle of the room by a group masked people. Jeno knows its not real, he  _ knows _ , but he can't help the tears that form in his eyes at the sight of his best friend laying lifeless on the floor.

He doesn't move. Doesn't twitch. As much as he wished to hold Donghyuck close he knew that seeing his dull eyes, touching his limp body and feeling his cold skin, would break him. It'd be irreversible. 

Nothing was real, but the pain would be. So Jeno refuses to allow himself to give in to his reflexes. 

"Doyoung!" The boy near him shouts, voice cracking at the end with pure desperation. He runs, probably doesn't notice he's the only one to do so, and then hugs the 'dead' body close to his chest while rocking himself from one side to other in a calming fashion. 

_ He's weak.  _ Jeno knows that's what everyone's thinking. He can see the coach now, the man fast-walks his way to the center with a scowl on his face. "Get yourself together Jung Jaehyun this is a simulation." The boy, Jaehyun, doesn't budge. Instead he burries his red puffy face on the other boy's neck. "Nobody else is distressed like this, don't you feel  _ ashamed _ ?!" 

Jeno closes his eyes and breathes in and out through his nose trying to prepare himself for the inevitable. 

First comes the electric buzz. 

Then the animalistic, desperate scream filled with nothing but pain. 

It wasn't a simulation anymore. 

  
  
  
  
  


"I got you a little something." Mark says with a wide grin as Donghyuck munches of the leftovers of the boy's meal — could they even be considered to be leftovers anymore? Looking at it as he walked in, Donghyuck almost asked if Mark had asked for a second portion. 

He follows the rank one with his eyes, curiosity spikes in him as the other reaches out for a bag by the side of the bed and fumbles with it for a few second. A bottle. But not just any bottle. A wine one. 

"Wine! Maybe this is a bit dumb, but i remember you said you never gotten drunk and the trials have been stressful. Especially with the issue with your best friend and all."

Donghyuck stares at him unmoving, mouth slightly parted in shock. He blinks a few times before slowly getting up and carefully grabbing the bottle like it was a baby. "How the fuck-" The boy chokes out and then clears his throat. "Rank one privilege uh?" 

"They turn their heads, no questions asked." Mark smirks. Donghyuck hates that he doesn't feel hatred at the special treatment the boy got for his rank alone, that meant something. Something that he didn't wish to dwell upon. 

"This is amazing." He sits on the bed and then begins giggling. "Okay but there's a problem."

Mark's face drops. "Ah what now?" 

"I almost got caught last time, i don't know just how well a drunk Donghyuck can save his own ass." The boy pouts. 

"I doubt you'll get shitfaced with  _ wine. _ " Mark chuckles but, somehow, it wasn't judgemental. "And if you want…"  He stops, hesitates to speak. "You could stay here, wake up early morning and go back to your dorm before everyone wakes up."

Once more, it was as if Donghyuck’s brain had freezed. He doesn't know what to  _ think  _ about that idea. In a way, it was more than ideal given the circumstances.  _ But then again…  _ "I don't know, just how early?" 

"Five? Break time starts tomorrow, the only people you might run into would be guards so stay attentive. Otherwise, everyone else will be sleeping in late."

Donghyuck licks his lips while deep in thought. It was a tempting suggestion, he could simply sleep on the floor and vanish before Mark woke up. If he didn't feel comfortable to even fall asleep, then he could simply leave. 

"Okay." He mumbles. 

Mark's face lights up instantly at that. "Really?! Okay, well you don't have your stuff here i can lend you-" 

"It's fine really. Don't worry about it."

"Are you sure? Sleeping in those clothes might be a bit uncomfortable." He presses on but the other merely shakes his head. "Alright, anyways are you done eating? If your stomach is full then we can try it."

Donghyuck nods and then observes the boy as he opens the bottle and sniffs the little opening. His grimace is comical, way too comical, so much so that Donghyuck can't help but giggle. He wonders how many times Mark has drank before, or if he went to parties even. To him rank ones lived to study, or just to work in whatever their parents planned out for them. 

"Well, not the biggest fan of alcohol so maybe i'm biased but i feel like this one's not gonna be good."

"What a way to sell your product to a newbie." He snorts and notices the way Mark's cheeks flush slightly at the teasing. 

"My bad, but i'm just warning you that most people our age don't drink because they like the taste." The boy explains while getting himself a cup. "Not sure if you're picky about germs so maybe this is best."

The blood coloured substance drips down onto the glass cup, Donghyuck had seen red wine before, of course he had, but somehow this time it looked different. More appealing, he couldn't wait to try it even though chances were that he was going to absolutely hate it. Mark chugs it down and then grimaces once again before passing the bottle to Donghyuck. 

He stares at it for a few seconds before filling his own cup and taking a little sip. "Oh." The boy frowns making Mark bark out a loud laugh. "What's the hype around alcohol…" 

"You'll know when you get drunk."

"Are you trying to get me drunk Mark?" Donghyuck raises both his eyebrows and watches as the other tries his best to explain himself while frantically moving his hands about in a flustered frenzy. He chuckles mid explanation and chugs the rest of the wine left down his throat in one go. 

It's  _ not good _ , but not as bad as Mark had described it. The boy instantly reaches out for the pear on the food tray to get rid of the taste in his mouth that still lingered. He doesn't eat it all though as he knew he'd still have to drink more to feel any proper effect. 

"How long till i get drunk?" 

Mark's eyes go wide once more and he opens and closes his mouth a few times before speaking. "Well. It depends from person to person, you might not even get drunk on an entire bottle of wine."

Donghyuck pouts then huffs loudly as he pours more of the substance. "It better work."

"Are you that keen on getting drunk?" The rank one chuckles but there was a hint of worry in his tone, though Donghyuck could not exactly tell  _ why.  _ Maybe he was worried he'd vomit all over the expensive carpet of the room, or maybe that he'd need to take care of him like a baby. 

For once Donghyuck can't get himself to care for it. For once he thinks about having fun instead of thinking hard about the consequences. 

  
  


He stares up at the ceiling from where he lay in Mark's bed. The world didn't feel dizzy, not quite, just  _ blurry.  _ Sort of like nothing around him was real, not even the mattress, not even himself. Like he was there, but at same time somewhere else entirely. 

Getting up to pee felt like the hardest and most painful task. A reminder of reality if you must, and also a reminder of the slightly pounding of his head that seemed to vanish whenever he laid down. However nice the sensation was though, his bladder didn't seem to want him to stay in that dreamy state. 

"I gotta pee." He informs, half asking for help, half warning Mark in case he was inside the bathroom. To be honest, it'd only take him a mere look around to check, but somehow the ceiling seemed to have casted a spell on him. His eyes were as if glued on it. 

"Again?!" 

Donghyuck snorts, but deep down he wanted to shoot his bladder for constantly having to make him move. It was his fifth time, for the love of God. "Sorry." 

"No it's alright, but i never seen someone pee that much."

Mark seems fine. Apart from his rosy cheeks and glassy eyes, Donghyuck wouldn't recognise he was tipsy. Sadly for him, since he was the most sober one, it had become his role to take care of the very much drunk Donghyuck. They hadn't discussed it, Mark had accepted to be the babysitter for the night just like that. 

"You didn't eat much, there's no way you could've gotten drunk on so little otherwise. Or maybe you really are a lightweight."

He doesn't respond, the energy to do so seemed to have vanished. Donghyuck giggles as he drags his feet across the floor towards the bathroom Mark follows behind, placing his hands on the boy's hips when his feet falter and he almost falls. "You gonna clean my ass too?" Donghyuck teases when he realises that Mark had remained by the door even after he had reached the toilet safe and sound. 

Mark's already rosy cheeks become full on flushed red at that and he shakes his head violently. "You're peeing."

"You gonna wipe my dick then?" 

"Donghyuck!" He chokes out and turns around so his back his facing the other. "Go pee, i'm only here in case you fall and hit your head somewhere."

"Yeah okay mommy."

Donghyuck had always thought getting drunk meant to forget, he'd forget who he was, forget the consequences. Just,  _ forget _ . It's nothing of the sort, rather than forgetting, Donghyuck doesn't  _ care.  _ He doesn't care less that he's teasing Mark like that, he doesn't even care if Mark is a rank one, he doesn't care if the boy was going to report him if he suddenly were to blurt out he's gay, and he really doesn't care if he's going to regret being so friendly to Mark the next morning. 

"Mommy Mark i'm done come wipe my peewee."

"I did not think for a second you'd be this irritating when drunk."

He smiles smugly as he zips his pants up. "Congratulations on getting to see the real me this is only a free few hours trial."

Mark had the patience of a saint, though that came as no surprise to Donghyuck. He had practiced discipline since the moment he had come out of his mother's womb. That was probably what made it even funnier to tease him, just to see if he'd eventually break. 

"Are you a virgin? You got the face of a virgin." He blurts out when he was already laying in bed once more. 

"What does that mean?" The other mumbles lowly in with embarrassment. 

"You flush easily, you're awkward too. I don't know, you're only exposed to the richest of the richest and i doubt rich, snob bastard are into the whole cutesy thing you got going on."

The rank one snorts but, somehow, it seemed the topic had made him sort of sad. He shifts in the bed right next to  Donghyuck and then lets out a breathy laugh that sounded more like a weak wheeze than anything else. "Well…"

Donghyuck perks up at his hesitation and stares wide eyed as the boy pretended to observe the wall ahead — though his eyes were clearly unfocused. "No way. Seriously?!" 

"I only did  _ things _ with one person, i haven't even kissed anyone but them." He finally drifts his eyes in Donghyuck's direction and then quirks his eyebrow. "Have you even had your first kiss? You're over here trying to tease me but you have the face of someone who hasn't even had their first kiss."

Mark isn't  _ wrong  _ but that doesn't mean Donghyuck could help but feel offended that he had assumed such a thing about him. He hadn't kissed anyone mostly because girls never came near him, as if they sensed that he was not interested, and there was no way in hell he'd kiss a boy and risk getting into deep trouble. "What do you mean by that?" 

"Oh look at me i'm Donghyuck i'm better than everyone else and nobody will ever be good enough to have me." Mark says in a high-pitched voice, if it hadn't been funny, Donghyuck would've probably felt the urge to land his fist against the boy's face. 

"Oh fuck you." He says instead and flops back down on the bed. The room falls silent but the boy doesn't notice, far too engrossed in his own thoughts to realise he had drifted away. 

Ever since Jeno had come to him yelling excitedly about having had his first kiss at a party Donghyuck had (thankfully) refused to join, the boy had left wondering how it felt. Jeno was awful at explaining things, plus from what he had gathered the kiss has lasted less than ten seconds anyways. 

He looks up at Mark and pursues his lips trying to find in him a rational voice that'd hold him back. When none comes, Donghyuck finally opens his mouth to speak. 

"How was it? Your first kiss i mean" 

The other locks eyes with him. Donghyuck could see how surprised he was, but above all he was flustered. He bites down on his lip, chews on it for a few second before clearing his throat. "My first kiss tasted bitter and reeked of tobacco, technically not ideal, but it still felt like honey to me." He whispers as he fumbles with the bedsheet. 

Donghyuck nods. There wasn't exactly something he could say to that, if he were to be utmost honest, all he could feel was jealousy. It wasn't often he felt he was making himself miss out on things, he was young after all, but sometimes he couldn't help but wonder if he should relax more often and live a little. 

"I know this isn't our last day, but do you wanna know why i'm here?" 

Time stops, well not literally, but it sure feels like it does. Donghyuck remains static in his spot with his eyebrows furrowed trying to convince himself he had not just dreamt Mark saying that. It was hard to tell sometimes, his mind still felt fuzzy, even if he had clearly sobered up a bit already. 

"What?!" He finally squeaks out and turns to his side to look at the other better. "You're telling me already?" 

"It has to do with this, i figured why not. Don't you wanna know still?" Mark shrugs as if he didn't care though it was more than clear that he did. His voice was shaky, low, almost inaudible really. 

"I do."

Again, silence falls. By Donghyuck's side, the rank one seems to gather his thoughts as his eye trace the bed sheet. Finally he sighs and clears his throat. "I fell for someone, really  _ really  _ hard, and that someone, lets just say, is just like us." He steals a quick glance at the other who keeps his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Before Donghyuck could chuckle and say  _ Well i sure would hope so, don't go around fucking aliens _ , Mark decides to finally gathers the courage to explain himself better. "A boy. I liked a boy."

It doesn't click. Not at first. Sort of like when one's brain shuts down to prevent any strong reaction when one's faced with a traumatic experience. He's frozen. Totally and utterly frozen. Unable to speak or think, create an opinion or even react. Mark, liking  _ boys?  _ That just had not been something that had ever crossed his mind, not even for a split second. 

"I get it if you're disgusted, but i couldn't keep this inside and you seemed to be open-minded so i thought-" 

"I'm gay." Hearing it come out of his own mouth felt odd at the very least. It was his voice but somehow it was as if he hadn't been the one saying it. "Like, gay  _ gay _ , i like boys and boys only." The more times he said it, loud and clear, the more it sunk into his gut, and the better it felt to hear. To  _ finally  _ hear. The truth, at last. 

"Oh so that's why i felt comfortable so soon. Must've sniffed it out of you." He chuckles, trying to make the situation lighter, but his tone is still very much sad. . 

Donghyuck finally manages to sit up to face Mark head on. "So what happened, they found out?" 

"Yes, clearly. They removed some of my titles, so i have to get them back now." The boy swallows down thickly. "The boy, he was a secret agent of some sort. A spy i guess. It's pathetic, not just because i lost my firsts to him but because i actually fell in love while i was at it and i am so sure it was never a two way thing. Donghyuck i really don't think he loved me back ever, how could he stab me in the back after all those months if he had?"

Watching Mark slowly lose his posture set loud sirens off inside his still drunk brain. The boy had been calm just seconds ago and now sat with his knees drawn up and covered his face as he sobbed right into the palms of his hand. Donghyuck watches the scene without knowing exactly what to do. He pitied Mark, he pitied Mark so much. The boy had probably kept it all to himself ever since it had happened all the while dealing with the problems that came with being found out. Any ill emotion he used to feel about the rank one seem overshadowed then and he suddenly feels the urge to wrap the crying boy in a tight hug to comfort him. 

And so he does.  _ Heck _ , he was still drunk, if future him got angry then at least he had an excuse — a bad one, but still an excuse. "I'm sorry." Donghyuck whispers softly before squeezing Mark's body. 

"Donghyuck." He croaks out weakly and sniffs a few times. The crying seemed to have ceased for the time being. "Can i kiss you?" 

"What?!" The boy screeches instantly but, as he looks into Mark's red and glossy eyes, his body softens again. "What are you saying?" 

"I'm sick of the fact that all the affection i've ever gotten comes from someone who would do such a thing, who  _ hates  _ me for this stupid of a thing. Everytime i try to envision intimacy all i see his him, all i feel his him, and for me kisses taste like bitter coffee and those awful cigarettes." He rambles on and on and, when he stops, sucks in a deep breath and closes his eyes. "You can say no."

He wants to say no. For why would he risk it? He barely knew Mark, his sob story could be a simple lie to make him fall for his play. Though he genuinely seemed to be upset, Mark looked so small and frail hugging his own body like he was a child scared by the night. Donghyuck curls his hands into fists, he was conflicted. 

It was his first kiss, after all, and even though he didn't really care how his first kiss went, people always told him it should be special. That he'd always remember the first no matter what. 

"Do you have any more alcohol?" 

Mark perks up. He stands still looking at the other in silence before nodding and getting up. A minute later he comes back with a beer in his hand that he hands to Donghyuck. "Hope you like beer. I got two more back there."

_ It'll have to do.  _ He thinks while chugging the entire bottle down as if it was water. The bad taste only hits after he's done drinking it and he grimaces, it makes Mark giggle. 

"Do you hate him?" Donghyuck asks as he finishes his second beer and gestures so Mark hands him the last one. It tastes like  _ ass _ but he could already feel himself relax ever so slightly. 

The boy bites his lip then sighs. "I tried, but i can't. I keep telling myself there must be a reason, that one can't fake love the way he did. Can they? Can they be that cold?" 

Finally the last empty bottle is put on the floor next to the others. The rank three stares at his own hands, he couldn't answer such questions as he didn't know. He knew for sure that he, personally, would find it extremely hard to fake such a thing but maybe there were really cold hearted people out there. Maybe. 

The idea worries him. A nervous bubbling sensation forms in the pits of his stomach threatening to force him to vomit everything out. He closes his eyes tightly and furrows his eyebrows. "I hope not."

For a while nothing could be heard, no one moves. Then, the bed creaks softly and he hears Mark shuffling closer. He doesn't open his eyes, not even when the boy's slender fingers slowly make their way up his hand. Donghyuck comes to the conclusion that he likes it, he likes to be touched so gently, as if he might snap and run away if Mark wasn't so careful. It makes him feel special, though he knows he is not. 

Still, his drunken brain becomes numb and his body melts, relaxes in the direction of where he assumed the rank one might be. He can't stop himself, he doesn't want to either. 

The sound of his own breathing seems to become louder, muffling all other noises as if it was bass boosted to its maximum. He knows what it is. Nervousness. He's nervous, why wouldn't he be? , But he's not scared. Not anymore, not of Mark. Maybe it was foolish to believe none of it was a scam, that he wasn't about to commit the worst mistake of his life. He's too drunk to care. 

There's a sudden warmness hitting his face which he assumes comes from Mark's breathing. He must be close, Donghyuck doesn't know, and he's too much of a coward to open his eyes. If he was to do so, he would see Mark's big doe eyes that more often than not managed to soften him up like a plush doll. He's a big coward, Donghyuck knows it. It didn't matter how hard his shell could be, he knows just how soft he is inside. 

"Donghyuck." His voice is croaky, nervous, hesitant. It makes Donghyuck relieved to know it wasn't just him panicking like that. 

He hums as a response, too scared of how his voice would sound if he attempted to formulate a proper phrase. 

"I'm going to kiss you now."

_ I know.  _

Donghyuck wants to pull him by the hem of his shirt and get it over and done with already. Pull it like a band-aid. Instead Mark places his right hand on his cheek and his left on his nape, softly as always, touches as light as feathers. He strokes Donghyuck's cheek with his thumb, once, twice and then extends it further and brushes the pad of the finger over the boy's plump, though slightly dried up, lips. The rank three sucks in a breath and swallow down nervously, his Adam Apple scratches against his throat painfully as he does so. 

There are no words to describe the sensation. It's weird, but not in a bad way. Rather, Donghyuck finds himself relaxing the more Mark moved his lips against his. He shifts his hands so they rest on the boy's hip and squeezes down hard whenever the other grazed his teeth on his bottom lip teasingly. He's  _ hungry _ , hungry to keep going, to feel that newfound sensation for just a while longer. 

Mark pulls away and Donghyuck can't help the whine that escapes his mouth when the pressure on his lips suddenly vanishes. He cracks one eye open, then other, and finally looks straight into the boy's eyes. Suddenly he feels shy as realisation hits. He doesn't regret it, not yet, he feels shy because he still finds himself drifting his eyes down to the boy's lips asking for a bit more of the addicting feeling. 

The rank one blinks a few times, probably trying to make sure what just happened was real, or try make sure he wasn't imagining Donghyuck asking for  _ more.  _ "Hyuck." He whispers to make the other look at him in the eyes again. Mark wants to speak, it was obvious from the way his mouth gapes a few times, but instead of saying a single word, the boy leans forward again slowly to test Donghyuck's reaction. 

What he gets is a hand tightly wrapped around his nape, pulling him closer, and a pair of wet lips needily pressing against him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so.. that happened :-)


	11. avoidance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ❝ It's quite an undertaking to start loving somebody. You have to have energy, generosity, blindness. There is even a moment right at the start where you have to jump across an abyss: if you think about it you don't do it. ❞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt mean to make this chapter so long rip thats why it took me so long to update once again im sorryyyyy argg i try to update weekly but its hard af :-( well

**T** he walk of shame. Donghyuck had heard Jeno talk about it a few times before, but experiencing it first hand was not something he had planned, nor something he had foreseen. 

As if waking up with a headache wasn't bad, the boy had to endure being hit with the memories of the previous night — or rather, memories dating back just a few hours. Standing up was painful, his head spun making it hard to walk in a straight line and even harder for him to make sure he was as quiet as possible to not wake Mark up. 

He checks the clock, it was only just a few minutes past five. He couldn't possibly have slept more than three hours which explained why his headache was as bad as it was, not only was he hungover, but he sleep deprived as well. A great combo,  _ clearly.  _

Opening and closing the door were the worst part, but Donghyuck manages to go through his plan without waking the other boy up. He drags his feet across the floor lazily until he reaches the elevator which was still there from when he had come over. Donghyuck thanks the Gods above for not having made him wait a second longer before falling onto the seat and throwing his head back till it hits the glass wall. If he could, he'd sleep right there and then, but he knew that'd only get him into trouble so he forces to keep his eyes open. 

He refuses to think. Refuses to think of what he done, what he had  _ allowed  _ to happen. He knew he'd hate himself if he did so. What angered him the most was the fact that he felt that his original plan was entirely ruined, there was no way in hell he could go back to Mark's room after  _ that.  _

"Fuck." The boy grunts and proceeds to tug at his hair strands until it hurt too much to bare. "Idiot."

The elevator stops and the door slides open. Donghyuck gets up quickly to make sure the door wouldn't close before he got the chance to leave, and once he's out standing alone in the hallway, returns to his slouched, lazy posture of before. He was sulking like a baby and he couldn't care less, not when his head was pounding the way it was, and not when he felt he had done the biggest mistake of his entire life. 

The door to his room clicks open. It was a short, tiny sound, but it hurt the boy's ears nevertheless. In the quietness of the morning, any sound seemed to be ten times louder. Donghyuck heart hammers in his chest anxiously with the fear of waking up his roommates but none of them stirr awake or even move during the process of Donghyuck taking his shoes off and heading to bed. 

Once finally back in his comfort zone under the blankets, the boy manages to relax and allow himself to forget everything. Sleep comes easy, soon enough he's snoring softly alongside the other four boys. 

  
  
  
  


It's almost a foreign feeling to wake up without being told to do so, without Renjun whining and tugging at his leg until he told him to piss off. He cracks his eyes open and then sluggishly sits up on the bed to look around properly, the room was completely empty. "Guys?" The boy calls just to make sure. Nobody replies. 

He feels the bed trying to find his phone and, when he finds it, quickly checks the time. A little gasp leaves his lips when he realises it was almost two, not only had he missed breakfast but he too was just about to miss lunch. 

Donghyuck jumps to the floor and quickly finds a clean shirt that he could put on. In just about five minutes he's already running down the hall at the speed of light towards the elevator, hoping that if he hurried up he'd still manage to beg for a portion of food from the canteen ladies. 

The wait for the elevator to arrive feels like an eternity but soon enough he's inside, legs shaking up and down from how jittery he was. If he didn't get the canteen's food then he'd need to feed on the snacks from the vending machines that were no good compared to a nice warm meal which was exactly what he needed to get rid of the remains of the hangover and give him the energy he was lacking. 

When the door slides open, Donghyuck is met with a crowd trying to get in. Walking against the current was a struggle but he manages to get through and bolt in the direction of the canteen. "Can i still get served?" Is the first thing he asks the woman behind the counter who looks at him as if he's insane — he was totally aware he looked like it. 

"I suppose so." She answers many seconds later with a tired expression and walks inside the kitchen. 

Donghyuck grabs a tray and waits patiently for her to return, his stomach whines and begs for food but he shuts it up my gently tapping his belly a few times. The woman finally walks out, plate in hand and a little scowl on her face — it was more than clear that she was annoyed and maybe if Donghyuck wasn't at the brick of passing out from hunger he might've felt bad. 

"Thank you so much!" The boy grins and heads inside as quickly as he could manage without dropping anything from the tray to the floor. 

The canteen was mostly empty, some people were still finishing but it was mostly filled with  groups of friends chatting happily without worrying that they'd be late to a schedule. He finds an empty seat and wastes no time before shoving the food down his throat like a vacuum cleaner. The next thing he knows, the plate is already almost empty save for the pile of rice that he had left for last. It was usually bland, sort of tasted funny, there were rumours it was stale even. His hunger was far too great however, not even the rice tasted bad to him, he ate every single piece of food with a smile on his face. 

He leans back on his chair and sighs contentedly with his eyes closed, his right hand rests on his stomach rubbing circles on it as if the boy was pregnant. "Oh look who is it." Someone says loudly nearby and Donghyuck cracks one eye open to check who it had been. "Who impregnated you?" 

It's Ten, and behind him were the rest of his roommates. "That's a secret." He smirks then gets up to greet them all. 

"You must've slept well, you're in such a good mood." Kun smiles softly and pats his back.

At first Donghyuck smiles back, then suddenly Mark's face, rosy cheeks and lips, dark eyes looking at his needily, flashes inside his head and his face falls. He hadn't thought about it yet, first time he was too sleepy to do so, and then too hungry. Now that he had sorted out both of those things, there was nothing else to distract him from the mess his drunk self had created. 

He walks next to Renjun, but they don't speak. Donghyuck tries to pay attention to what the older boys were chatting about amongst themselves but he finds himself drifting away, and then he's back to that room, with Mark is all over him. He shudders and Renjun quirks his eyebrow at him for it but the boy only gives him a half smile as a response. 

What had happened, he couldn't erase. As much as that hurt Donghyuck, it was the truth and he knew the sooner he accepted he had fucked up, the sooner it'd stop eating his insides. He didn't wanna see Mark, he couldn't, he  _ shouldn't _ . Break was five days long, how hard could it be to ignore the boy for five days? Even if it'd impossible to pretend Mark didn't exist during the trials, at least then he could get himself time to prepare for the hell that'd follow — for at least one week after break ended. 

"You look tired again." Renjun points out, serene face as usual. Donghyuck couldn't tell if he was worried, or judging. It was always hard to know what the boy was feeling or thinking. 

"I have weeks worth of sleep to catch up with." He chuckles. "Aren't you tired?" 

"Not really, i sleep early."

_ He's judging.  _ That shouldn't have come as a surprise but it still stings, even after so many weeks coexisting the boy still was awfully cold towards everyone — except maybe Kun, though Donghyuck couldn't know for sure since he didn't understand what they spoke about to begin with. 

To be fair, he shouldn't care. Renjun was a rank two, and he always acted as if he was superior to everything and everyone. He was exactly the type of person Donghyuck despised. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, or the sudden need for approval after feeling like he had fucked up big time with Mark, whatever it was, it made his heart ache. 

"I walked right into that one, uh?" He chuckles weakly. 

Renjun remains silent until they're already inside the elevator heading back to the dorm. "Jeno asked me to tell you to go to his room when u can." He informs and Donghyuck hums. "He looked upset. So hurry."

Donghyuck stares at the boy with his eyebrows furrowed then nods but doesn't reply. Once more he's left to wonder if Renjun  _ cared  _ or if he was just a very attentive rank two. Donghyuck had never met someone with such a hard shell. 

His brain hurt. 

  
  
  


It was odd to be as nervous as he was standing outside of his best friend's dorm. Jeno was upset, and Donghyuck feared if something had happened when he came back to the trials instead of resting. He fears for the worst, as he always does. 

The boy knocks and makes sure his face is centered in the screen on the door. Seconds later the door clicks open showing an even paler than usual Jeno behind it. "What's wrong?" Donghyuck asks as he extends his arm to pet the top of the boy's head. 

Jeno accepts the affection right away, leaning forward and crouching down slightly so Donghyuck could better ruffle his dark locks. "Can we go somewhere to talk?" 

"Course."

The lounges would surely be cramped so they wander further away into the empty halls nearby the building's entrance. Jeno slides his back against the wall until he's sitting on the cold floor and the pats the space next to him. "I'm so sick of these trials, Hyuck."

Donghyuck bites his tongue to not make a bitter comment and instead sits next to his friend, resting his head on his shoulder after he does so. "What did they put you through this time?"

Jeno goes totally silent, if it wasn't for his soft breath hitting Donghyuck's arm, the boy would've believed his friend had suddenly died. "I saw you dead. Not a great sight."

"I can bet." He whispers and then looks up at Jeno with worry. "It'll be over soon. You guys end earlier than us, just a few days after break and then it'll be the easy stuff." 

"I know…" Jeno sighs and closes his eyes tightly. "I know i only have like two of the bad trials to get over and done with, but they keep getting worse so i'm scared of what they have up their sleeve."

"Wish i could help." Donghyuck pouts. The trials were ever-changing to make sure people couldn't cheat, if only they weren't then Donghyuck would warn his friend of what was coming. But he didn't know either, he could only hope Jeno was strong enough to push through. 

The boy snakes his arm around Donghyuck's torso and pulls him closer. "Glad you're not dead."

"I'm immortal, Jeno Lee, we've been over this."

Jeno giggles then clicks his tongue, he already sounded much more lively. "How've you been how's Mark?" Donghyuck tenses up instantly. It was against his will, if he could stop his body from reacting so strongly he would. "Woah okay, what's up with you?" 

There were many times Donghyuck had considered  _ just doing it.  _ Pulling the band-aid, telling Jeno he felt unable to like the opposite sex. This was one of those times again, Jeno was someone whom he felt he could share anything with. To not tell him about what was bothering felt odd, because until then he had never had  _ boy problems  _ to talk about. But now, now he did, now he wished for nothing but to have Jeno reassure him he'd be alright. 

"I was… Shocked. That you mentioned him, that is."

"Hyuck if something is wrong, tell me." 

_ I want to, so badly that it hurts.  _ He sucks in a breath and then bites down on his lip from just how tempting it was to come clean right there and then. Jeno wouldn't rat him out, but the possibility of losing the one true friend he had was terrifying.

"Nothing is wrong."

"Is he making you feel bad? Because he's a higher rank?" 

"No. He never has."

Jeno stops asking questions and lets his head fall on top of Donghyuck's. They're so close, it's all so intimate. Donghyuck had missed the closeness, missed the way Jeno couldn't care less about how it looked, it probably never crossed his mind that it looked  _ wrong.  _ His heart was so pure. Donghyuck wants to cry. 

"Jeno will you always love me?" 

"Yes. Well, unless maybe you murder a man for no proper reasons. Them being a rank one  _ is not  _ a good enough of a reason, by the way."

"Dang… I was thinking-" 

"No you cannot murder Mark."

_ Sure wish i could.  _ Donghyuck thinks. "What a pity."

  
  
  
  
  


Day two comes in a blink of an eye. After sitting alone for what felt like hours, Donghyuck had begged Jeno to come check if the arcade was full or not. Turns out not that many people felt like playing games, most had sat in the big living room watching movies instead. And so they played, on and on until dinner time came by again. 

He didn't see Mark. The paranoia of the possibility of seeing the boy left him uneasy the entire day, but after a while it became more than clear that the chances of finding him were very slim considering the amount of people currently having their trials done. Still, he always kept an eye out for a certain rank one. 

Donghyuck stretches his entire body like a cat and then moans loudly as his bones crack one by one. "No jacking off when we're still here!" Yuta whines from below and the younger barks out a loud laugh at that. "Planning on going out today?" 

He nods with a bright smile on his face. They were free to do as they pleased within a certain area for the remaining days of break. Just the thought of leaving that place was enough to make his body explode with happiness, even if he technically couldn't go further than the nearby village. "Jeno and i are going out, you?" 

"Me too, if you want you can join us."

"Us?"

"Yeah your roommates, we discussed it yesterday during lunch and we all wanna leave this place at least once so."

Donghyuck nods frantically and shoots the boy a thumbs up. "Alright when you guys wanna go just give me a call, i promise i'll have my phone near me today."

"If you make us wait longer than fifteen minutes we're leaving without you."

"As if you wouldn't bump into me in town anyways."

"Don't be dramatic it's not that small." 

"Small  _ enough. _ "

Yuta rolls his eyes before heading towards the door to leave like everyone else. "Don't go back to sleep, lunch will be served soon so chop chop." He nags and then he's gone. 

Donghyuck does want to fall back down on the mattress and go back to sleep, but for the sake of his health, he doesn't. 

  
  
  
  


The bus was full, but that came as no surprise to anyone. Even though buses came every half an hour, they still always managed to overflow with people trying to have a little break away from the trials. Very few people would ever stay behind especially in the first day where they were allowed out. 

Thankfully the ride lasts just around twenty minutes which was not yet enough for all the oxygen inside the bus to get used up. The windows were wide open, but it sure didn't feel like it. "Oh thank God, i thought i was going to pass out inside." Donghyuck groans the second he steps outside and feels the fresh, cool air hit his face. 

The first place on the list to visit was the little shopping mall at the center of the village. It wouldn't be very practical to carry their shopping goodies around all evening but if they left it till later, chances were that others would end up buying what they wanted. It wouldn't be surprising considering the massive inflow of people, even if the village was more than accustomed to it, they could never predict when the big crowd would arrive and prepare for it. 

"Guys i had an idea during the ride here." Ten announces with a mischievous smile, they all knew something bad was coming. "What if tomorrow we all get wasted? We buy alcohol here and sneak it into the building."

"How'd you sneak it?" Kun furrows his eyebrows worriedly. 

"Let's buy some juices, or just water, those one litre and half ones, surely we can all drink a few until we have to head back, no? Then we fill them with the alcohol."

Yuta chuckles. "Ah yes the oldest trick, works every time."

Ten looks around to check everyone's reaction and stops when his eyes lock with Renjun's. "Hey goody two shoes you in? You got that damn poker face on i can't tell."

"As long as you don't cause a ruckus inside our dorm that makes me lose points, i couldn't care less."

The other boy's face brightens up at that and he begins clapping excitedly. "Finally some fucking fun! Let's go!" 

  
  


Somehow Donghyuck finds himself all by himself inside the store. He holds the vodka bottle close to his chest as he walks all around trying to find his friends but they seem to have vanished. "I bet it's a stupid prank." The boy grumbles. 

Without one of the older guys, there was no way in hell he'd be allowed to buy alcohol. Being seventeen had little to no perks, he didn't understand why he had looked forward to it so much as a kid. 

He puts the bottle back in its place and heads outside expecting to be greeted with Yuta, Ten and Jeno screaming "BOO!" simultaneously right next to his ear. Instead he gets nothing, absolutely nothing. "It's not funny you guys." Donghyuck whines. 

"What isn't?" He hears from somewhere behind him.

Donghyuck squeak softly with surprise and, when he turns around, he comes face to face with Jaemin who had his infamous grin plastered on his face. "Oh, didn't expect to see you around here." The boy croaks out. He hated to admit it, but the rank two always managed to make his heart hammer inside his chest slightly too hard. It was infuriating. "My friends decided to prank me like the little kids they are."

The other snort and then brings a cigarette he held between his index and middle finger to his lips. "Jeno?" Donghyuck nods, but his eyes were glued on Jaemin's mouth. The other wraps his lips around the cigarette and sucks in for a few seconds before pouting. "Haven't seen him today."

"What a pity."

"Indeed." He smirks, a tease, that's what he is. Donghyuck despises it. 

"Thanks for helping him last time."

Jaemin blinks back at him and then his eyes widen with realisation. "Oh! It's nothing really, i'm so glad he's clearly doing so much better already. He's a strong one."

"He is." Donghyuck smiles weakly and, just as he was about to open his mouth to speak once more, someone slams their hand on his shoulder. A series of loud screams follow. 

"You're no fun, Lee Donghyuck! You didn't even try to find us!" Ten clicks his tongue. "We were observing you from just the store on the other side of the street looking through the window."

"Right and i was supposed to know you'd be there." He rolls his eyes and tries pushing the boy away in a dramatic attempt to look like he was annoyed. Which, in a way, he sort of was. It was a bad prank. 

"I don't know aren't you some sort of intellectual genius, you got through all the mental trials." The other retorts then drifts his eyes away from Donghyuck towards Jaemin. "You made a friend in the ten minutes we left you alone? Are we that irreplaceable?!" 

Donghyuck stabs him in the ribs with his elbow so he'd pipe down the loud whining then sighs. "This is Jaemin and we talked before already."

Ten extends his arm to shake Jaemin's hand then turns back to the rest of the group with a wide smile. "Hey, so you and Donghyuck are buddies?" 

"No-" 

"Yeah." Jaemin interrupts the rank three who instantly furrows his eyebrows at him in confusion. 

"Cool! We were planning a little party for like, tomorrow, if you wanna come by."

Donghyuck wants to strangle him. Not only because the plan was to make it their  _ thing _ , a secret so they wouldn't get caught, but also because the boy was trying to avoid Jaemin like the plague. He was too enticing, there was an aura about him that made sirens go off inside his head. Drunk Donghyuck, with his lack of care, was sure to forget about the thin amount of restraint he had and create yet another mess. And this one could potentially ruin his life. 

He stares right into Jaemin's eyes almost as if silently begging him to say no, but the boy smiles instead and nods. Donghyuck wants nothing to slam his head against the nearby wall as he watches the boy make plans with his roommates, going as far as asking if his own roommates could tag along.  _ Hell.  _

"Sure, but the dorms aren't all that big so i don't know." Kun bites his lip and looks over to the rest. 

Renjun, who had been silent the entire time, finally speaks up. "Rank two dorms are bigger. We should use your room if you want to bring extras."

Jaemin's eyes go wide. "How'd you know?" 

"He's a rank two." Yuta explain immediately. "Are you sure that's true Renjun? If so then that'd be an amazing plan."

"I'm sure, it was my instant thought when i walked inside our room. The difference isn't overwhelming, but you still feel it."

And with that, the plan is settled, much to Donghyuck's dismay. 

  
  
  
  
  


Donghyuck clings to Jeno for dear life the entire ride to the rank two dorms and doesn't let go even when the door to the room 138 is opened — instead he holds on tighter when a boy he had never seen in his life shows up behind it. His hair was plain, black and covered his entire forehead, what struck to Donghyuck first was his eyes which were slightly covered by the overgrown fringe. They were incredibly unique somehow, big, but long and feline, intimidating to an extent. 

The stranger grins showcasing his gummy smile that instantly made him look ten times less intimidating than he previously had been. "You guys must be our guests for tonight, uh?" 

"Unless you invited more people over, then yes." Yuta answers and the boy snorts softly. 

"I'm Doyoung, by the way. Come in."

Donghyuck feels Jeno tense up by his side and he shoots his friend a puzzled look to which Jeno does not reply whatsoever. Instead he acts as if nothing had happened and pulls him inside. "It is bigger…" The boy whispers to his friend. "I get why Renjun was so bitter."

"Was?" Donghyuck snorts. " _ Is. _ "

They place all their drinks next to the ones that were already on the table and then gather around in the middle of the room, sitting down in an attempted circle. "Should we cut the chase and start drinking already?" Jaemin asks, everyone seems to either not care less or seem overly eager to get the party started, so the boy gets up and grabs the cups which had been stacked together. "Did you guys introduce yourselves?" 

Doyoung nods, but there were other three guys whose name Donghyuck had yet to know. "I'm Xiaojun." The boy smirks. His face was overall sharp, sharp eyes, sharp jawline, sharp and high cheekbones, and yet he wasn't all that intimidating. Something about him gave off an amiable energy. 

"Changbin." The boy sitting next to Xiaojun follows. Donghyuck had noticed him quickly, he looked grumpy, cold, his fringe covered most of his eyes and he wore black from top to bottom. Instead of scary, the boy was rather mysterious looking, but Donghyuck supposed that was the entire point. 

And lastly, "I'm Kunhang!" the smiliest of them all exclaims and waves them hello for a few seconds before turning to Jaemin with a tight lipped smile. "And i'm the winner of the cutest smile in this dorm."

Jaemin glares at him as he pours his drink onto the cup. "It was a tie!" He whines and then proceeds to walk behind the other boy just so he can flicker his finger on the back of Kunhang's head. 

"Sore loser."

"Anyways." Jaemin clears his throat and proceeds to raise his voice. "Whoever wants to get shitfaced get your but here because i am  _ not  _ going to be a bartender."

Jeno pats Donghyuck's knee and then tilts his head as if asking for his friend to join him. Donghyuck bites the inside of his mouth, he did want to enjoy the night and get shitfaced once again before returning to his normal life, but he also feared what would come out of his mouth if he had no control over it. After a few seconds of contemplating the option of agreeing, and staring at Jeno's puppy eyes, Donghyuck does end up nodding and reluctantly getting on his feet. 

"Let's have fun!" Jeno exclaims excitedly. 

_ I sure hope so.  _

  
  


Getting drunk next to Jeno was ten times better than it had been with Mark, but hadn't come as a surprise to him seeing how Jeno was his best friend and Mark, well,  _ Mark.  _

"He went to the  _ moon _ ?!" His friend shrieks, a bit of his drink spills onto his pants but it's as if he doesn't even notice it. "The fucking moon? Like on a trip? Like when i went to China, except, outer space vacation."

Donghyuck giggles loudly and lets his entire body lean forward until his forehead hits Jeno's thigh. "Yes! He went to space more than once, and he admitted to it like it was the most normal thing ever."

"It is." Someone says and Donghyuck perks up instantly to look for who had spoken.  _ Yingyang… Yenhang… Henhang?  _ whatever his name was, Donghyuck couldn't recall any longer, stands nearby looking down at the two wasted boys with his infamous white smile. "For them."

"Rank twos go to the moon too, i bet." Jeno mumbles slightly bitterly. 

"Some do." The boy sits down next to Jeno and passes the boy a bottle with a red coloured substance inside it which Jeno accepts without a single question. "But i think it's still very much a rank one thing."

"Man that's crazy, and i thought me being able to travel as far as Europe was fancy. Shit." Jeno rambles, his words had already begun slurring together slightly. 

"Alright you must stop drinking, give me the bottle."

"Why?! So  _ you  _ drink it?" 

Donghyuck lets out a frustrated noise and looks over to the boy, whose name he still couldn't recall, for help. "Actually, it's my bottle and i take back my offer." He snickers when Jeno whines like a child and then stands up again leaving them two alone once more. 

Jeno throws his head back and stares at the ceiling in silence, it was as if he had shut down entirely. After a while Donghyuck gives up on waiting for his friend to speak and looks all around him. Jaemin was leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom while talking to Ten, Yuta, Doyoung and Changbin had seemed to it off too, and then there was the Chinese 'gang' who chatted loudly using words he could not, for the life of him, comprehend. 

"Be honest with me Hyuck." Jeno's voice had come as such a surprise that Donghyuck couldn't manage to contain the little gasp that escapes his lips. "You always act like you hate Mark, but you don't. You can't, right? You do all these things with him, i don't know, i don't think it's just about gathering information anymore."

Donghyuck freezes up, he can't even feel the cup he's holding or the floor he's sitting on, he's numb. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Jeno holds his gaze and refuses to look away, it was as if he was trying to look right into his friend's soul to know the truth. Donghyuck shivers. "I don't know, how do  _ you  _ interpret it?" 

He furrows his eyebrows until they become knitted together. It made sense that Jeno was curious about the nature of their meetings, after all they had progressed into more than just a hunt for information. Donghyuck knew there was something more to it, and even though Mark was everything he tried so hard to hate, the boy was also one of the best kinded people he had ever met. Or, well, seemed to be, he supposed he didn't know him for long enough to deduce such a thing. 

"It's hard to hate Mark. I tried, but if you talked to him you'd understand." 

"I'm not judging, you know? You can be honest with me, Hyuck, there are very little things you could admit to me that i would actually judge."

Donghyuck wonders if being gay was written in that mental list, because all his drunken brain wished to do was let the truth free, to allow himself to experience that freedom that he constantly kept sabotaging. Jeno was too good for the world, Donghyuck couldn't imagine him being anything but supportive, and yet… 

"One day, one day i hope to be entirely honest with you. I want to, but it's scary."

Jeno frowns and positions himself so he's facing Donghyuck. "I'm scared too." He whispers while holding the boy's hand and gently petting it with his thumb. "We'll get there. Eventually."

_ I am gay.  _ It flows so smoothly inside his brain, but Donghyuck can't get himself to actually form those words and speak them out loud. It was as if his brain and mouth were suddenly not connected. Still he tries, he  _ wants  _ to say it, so badly that it hurt. The boy opens his mouth to speak, and for a second he feels brave enough to finally get it out of his chest. 

A strangled noise comes out of his mouth and then screaming suddenly erupts from somewhere in the room snatching their attention away. Donghyuck's eyes go wide at the sight of Renjun with his hand on his stomach, body bent in an acute angle as vomit pours out of him like an avalanche. Donghyuck gags at first then gets up and runs up to the boy to see if he could be of any help. 

"Shit." Yuta hisses. "Guys get him to the bathroom."

Before anyone could even react, Jaemin picks Renjun up bridal style and bolts towards the bathroom before another wave of vomit would hit. The other nine boys stand in pure silence, too shocked to properly react. "Help, anyone?!" Jaemin screams and the spell is finally broken, Yuta wastes no time in coming to help and soon others follow. 

Donghyuck looks all around him for something he could possibly use to clean up the mess and, when he finds nothing of the sort, turns to Xiaojun for help."I'll be right back." Is all he says before disappearing inside the bathroom. 

"Did he just ghost me?" He mumbles mostly to himself but catches Jeno giggling next to him. "Hey it's not funny i was trying to be helpful, what are you even doing."

"If you think you can clean this pool of vomit by yourself, then you're in for a surprise. A bad one."

Xiaojun  _ does  _ come back however with a bunch of rags and a cleaning product. "I can get you a tiny bucket with water just wait." 

Donghyuck stares at the floor and then at Jeno once again. A sigh escapes his lips before he gets on his knees, seeing it up close was even worse, and being drunk surely wasn't helping. Suddenly  _ he  _ wanted to puke. 

He breathes in sharply with his eyes closed and, when he opens them again, Xiaojun was already back once more with the so promised bucket. "Well…" Donghyuck clicks his tongue and smirks at Jeno whose face seemed to have gotten paler than usual — probably with disgust. "Fun, you said."

"This is Renjun's fault not mine. This wasn't in the plan." Jeno whimpers just as the rag touches the puke pool. 

"I have to beat him up tomorrow as a payback." He says, but then the memory of the boy's pained face as he regurgitated his entire dinner onto the floor flashes across his eyes. Donghyuck had never seen Renjun crack, he thought it might even be impossible, but right there and then, even for some short moments, the boy looked incredibly  _ small.  _ Not because of his size for Renjun was  _ always _ small, but because he finally could see some sort of emotion on his face. A bit of his humanity rather than the robotic font the boy constantly forced upon himself. 

Donghyuck knows he's fond of the boy, just a tiny little bit. 

A smidgen. 

Ant sized. 

But it's still  _ there.  _

  
  
  
  
  


The next morning the ten boys sit together during lunch, everyone had slept through breakfast, in fact it had been hard to get some to wake up before the lunch period ended.

They don't speak much considering some were hungover and others still very much sleepy. No one went to bed before three, that was when everything had been cleaned up properly, and only God knows how long the floor took to be finally clean enough that it didn't stink of vomit. Donghyuck feels bile rise up his throat at the memory. 

"Last night was fun." Ten says then clasps his hands together as a smile stretches across his face. "Round two?" Everyone grumbles as a response and the boy barks out a laugh. "What a bunch of wussies."

"Either way our alcohol stash wouldn't be enough and i don't know about you guys but all i feel like doing for the rest of the vacation is to lay in bed and do absolutely nothing." Doyoung shrugs and, when Ten glares at him, the boy glares right back. "I see the type of person you are."

"Oh really?" 

"Bet you barely passed high school because you spent too much time going out."

Ten snorts. "At least i didn't waste away my youth away because of my parents' whims."

Sillence falls, no one on their table speaks and slowly everyone but the two boys begin to eat their food to avoid having to mendle in the mess that was unravelling. "You lower ranks are real funny, always acting like our parents don't do it out of love."

"Love." The rank three laughs. "Love? Love is my parents allowing me to experience freedom, allowing me to be who i am. If i wish to be poor, begging on the streets because i enjoyed life as a youngster, then that's none of their business. Life is mine to lead."

"You call that love? What kind of parents would be happy to see you fail so miserably?" 

"Guys." This time it's Jaemin who speaks. "Love is subjective as long as you're happy with what you've got then that's the end of it. Now eat, we're all too damn tired for this."

Doyoung grinds his teeth then rolls his eyes one last time before going back to eating his food. It's Ten that seems to want to keep pushing, Donghyuck sees himself reflected on him, he too would want to keep arguing but, seeing it as an outsider, he begs to the divine forces above that the boy would drop it. And he does, reluctantly, but still. 

The once relaxing atmosphere had been replaced by one that made him feel uneasy however. Everyone was tense, a fight could spark at any second. 

"Hyung!" A voice calls and everyone looks up, Donghyuck could recognise that raspy voice anywhere though. His face brightens up instantly before he even got to lay his eyes in Jisung who was walking towards their table. "I haven't seen you in what feels like years, you've been hiding?" 

Technically the answer was a yes, he had been avoiding Mark like his life depended on it and to do that he'd constantly avoid places which were sure to be crowded. It was no surprise that Jisung couldn't seem to know where he was.

"Just busy." He smiles and gestures so the boy would come closer.  _ Take me away from here  _ Donghyuck thinks while snaking his arm around the boy's waist to pull him closer. 

"Since i found you, do you wanna go somewhere? I can wait for you guys to finish if that's alright."

"No, no. I was practically finished anyways we can head out first." 

Jeno shoots him a look of disbelief as he begins getting up and Donghyuck pokes his tongue out at him childishly before waving everyone goodbye. 

  
  


It was obvious where the boy was leading them to and, the closer they'd get to their end destination, the more agitated Donghyuck would become. He was a coward, he didn't want to face Mark. All those days away from the boy had felt good because he actually got to pretend nothing had ever happened to begin with, but now that the probability of coming face to face with the other had skyrocketed, Donghyuck could no longer pretend. 

Of course, there were also chances that he'd not see Mark. He hoped for that, but those hopes were sort of unrealistic. Mark would either be there, out in the village or in his room, what were the odds? Too high for his liking,  _ that's what.  _ But, for the sake of Jisung's happiness, he doesn't ask to go somewhere else. He knew the boy wanted to play games with him and have a good time while they could since the trials would end soon enough. Donghyuck wanted that too, he had pushed away the thoughts of leaving behind the people he had met because he knew that it'd hurt badly to even think about, he'd rather suffer only when the time truly came. 

It always hurt but, somehow, that year he had grown to like the people he had met far more than ever before. He bites his lip and grabs Jisung's wrist to slow him down. "Sung." Donghyuck calls softly and the other turns around with his eyebrows slightly furrowed. "Can we stay in touch after the trials end?"

A wide smile stretches across the boy's face, his face becomes even prettier like that. Jisung was the most beautiful person Donghyuck had ever seen, the boy either looked prettier or  _ prettier _ , never ugly. "I'd love that! Give me your number please, because even during these days i had no way to reach out to you. I don't know your room number or phone number." He pouts cutely. 

Donghyuck pinches his cheek and grabs the boy's phone to type in his number and then hands it back. "Lets talk often, yeah?" 

Jisung nods excitedly and they go back to walking towards the arcade. All his thoughts about Mark suddenly vanish as he contemplates the idea of asking everyone else for their numbers, or even meeting up with them after the trials would be done. The idea makes him crack a smile. 

The place is filled to the brim, and yet Jisung still drags him inside with a big smile on his face as if they wouldn't have to wait ten minutes or longer for their turn to play. Again, for Jisung, he doesn't say anything. It was too hard to be harsh on the boy, just the thought of Jisung looking sad made his stomach twist painfully. He couldn't do it. 

"Got good aim?" The rank five asks while pointing at a dart's target. 

"Only one way to find out."

  
  


It does take what felt like an eternity for them to finally get the chance to play, but Jisung had so many news to spill to Donghyuck about his roomates that thankfully it hadn't been boring. The Jisung with strangers versus the Jisung with him were two very different people. It was highly amusing to observes the differences, the boy spoke softly and gave curt answers to the other people all around him but, the second he'd return to chat with Donghyuck, he was a total chatterbox. 

"Alright." The younger grabs the darts and hands one to his friend. "Moment of truth."

Jisung wasn't  _ bad  _ but he always managed to miss the center by a fairly long shot. The sulky boy huffs before stepping back for Donghyuck's turn and then watches attentively at how the boy threw the darts to take mental notes. "Seems i'm not so bad." Donghyuck grins at him and Jisung feigns annoyance. 

Donghyuck focuses his eyes on the center and takes a deep breath before throwing the dart which ends up landing slightly away from the center. Jisung screeches behind him and wraps his arms around the boy, shaking him around like a rag doll. "Woah, second try and you're this good?" 

"Beginners luck." The boy giggles. 

"Still shrugging off your accomplishments, i see." Someone butts in, and at first it doesn't quite strike Donghyuck who it was for he had expected to hear Jisung's voice, but soon enough his brain catches up and his entire body tenses up. 

He licks his lips nervously before slowly turning his neck to the side, it's then that his eyes lock with Mark's and his breathing stops. His worst nightmare was truly happening, Donghyuck couldn't even say he hadn't seen it coming. "Can't help it." The boy whispers, hoping that Mark wouldn't be able to decode what he had said. 

Jisung slowly detaches himself from his friend and walks to his side looking as confused as ever. Donghyuck can't seem react to try and explain what exactly was going on, his mind was totally numb. "Haven't seen you around much. Busy?" Mark asks with a neutral expression, but Donghyuck could sense some anger in his tone. 

He closes his eyes for a second longer than normal to collect his thoughts and try to find the best way to dodge Mark's opportunity to confront him properly. "Yeah, been with friends."

Mark drifts his eyes towards Jisung and then comes closer to Donghyuck so he could lean forward and whisper right next to his ear. "You can't pretend nothing happened. Come by tonight."

The boy wants to bite back with a  _ No 'pretty please'?  _ but he can't himself to do so. Instead he nods weakly and watches as the rank one walks away without a single Goodbye. 

"That was weird." Jisung finally breaks the ice but Donghyuck still finds himself unable speak, so he silently returns to the game and pretends none of that had just happened. 

That was what he did best, anyways. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> from here on all chapters should have some sort of markhyuck content im done teasing u guys okay LMFAO this was the last one without markhyuck (for this first part) hopefully


	12. lust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ❝ Sometimes in life, one has to take a chance. Without risk, there's no possibility. Without potential loss, no prize. ❞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a short af chapter but don't think anyone's gonna be mad about it ;^)

**E** veryone must've noticed his mood drop for, throughout the entire duration of their dinner break, he had received more pitiful looks than ever before in his entire life. He couldn't force himself to act like he wasn't nervous though — or even a bit scared — so he remained quiet while the others ate. 

"You already know what i'm going to say." Jeno whispers after pulling his friend into a side hug. Donghyuck can only sigh. 

How he wished to be honest. 

"I know. Thank you." He gives the boy a tight-lipped smile before patting his back and heading towards the door. Nobody believed his excuse of having to go to the nurse, not when Jisung had already spilled the beans about the weird encounter they had with 'a mysterious boy'. 

Still, they let him off without much questioning. If there was one thing Donghyuck liked about his roommates was how accepting they were of his need for secrecy sometimes, they didn't pry much even when they clearly wished to. 

He sits on the elevator which was nearly empty and stares out from the window. By the time the rank two dorms come about, he's all alone. It had been risky to go at that time considering many people had gone to their dorms after dinner, but luck seemed to be on his side for that at least and no rank two had gotten inside with him. 

Donghyuck sighs deeply and throws his head back. He was becoming careless, letting himself free to _one_ person had made him overly confident to the point where the boy felt nothing bad could happen, which was certainly not true. Who knows, maybe if Renjun hadn't vomited during their party, he might've gotten drunk enough to flirt with Jaemin. And then what? 

The boy had always dreamt of breaking the rules, but now he finally truly was and that was scary because he still wanted to keep going. He wanted to keep pushing his luck to see how far he could get before things went wrong, except he didn't have the means to deal with the consequences of his actions when everything went south. To lose titlea would mean more years in the hell hole he currently found himself in, and if he pushed too far, his parents wouldn't be able to pay the fine. There were even worse consequences, ones he hoped he'd never face for the thought alone made him shiver with fear. 

The door slides open, Donghyuck gets up quickly before it closes again. He walks for a few seconds then stops. Mark was mad, Donghyuck didn't know what exactly to make of that. He had never seen the boy like that, Mark was always so calm and collected and even though Donghyuck always knew that was nothing but a very good facade, he had also never expected to see the rank one break and show his true emotions. Sadness was one thing, anger was another completely different and way harder to handle.

He bites his lip and breathes in sharply to try and calm himself down. "How bad can it go?" Donghyuck whispers to reassure himself he'd be alright, except things could indeed go really badly, there was no way of predicting the future. 

If he turned around and left though, it'd be worse for him. Mark had demanded him to come by and there were little to no excuses that he could use to explain his absence. 

Donghyuck whimpers pathetically before starting to walk once more — slower this time, though. No matter how slow he moved his legs, however, would prevent the inevitable. He finds himself face to face with Mark's dorm door in no time and the courage to make his presence known was still nowhere to be seen. After lots of cursing inside his head and multiple pinching at his forearm, the boy finally knocks on the door. 

Usually Mark would greet him with a goofy smile, like a dog whose owner had just come home. This time, however, the boy opens the door wider without making a sound, his face didn't even twitch with emotion. Donghyuck is once again reminded of just how good higher ranks could be at masking their inner feelings. He hates it. 

The boy walks inside without saying a single word as well and sits on the bed. As he waits for the rank one to sit as well, Donghyuck notices that the tray on the table still had some food in it. He almost wants to scoff at the fact that, even though Mark was clearly angry, he'd still leave something for him to eat just in case. It was far too hard to hate the rank one, especially when he'd do things such as those. 

"For how long were you planning to pretend i don't exist?" Mark asks, ripping the silence harshly with his authoritative tone. Donghyuck bites the inside of his mouth and refuses to look the other in the eye just yet. "Because from the looks of it, if i hadn't come to just you, you'd happily finish the trials, go home, and act like nothing ever happened."

 _That is true_ , Donghyuck can't say he didn't wish that had been what had happened. "I don't know." He whispers so softly that it's almost inaudible. 

"You're really selfish. I mean i already knew it from the way you refuse to see things from a different perspective from yours, but damn i sort of expected more consideration. I told you about why i'm here, and yet you can only think of how you feel? Right, because i didn't risk getting a second strike for the same thing, uh? Don't you know after three i could just disappear, _poof_! I'd seize to exist. These days all i've been worrying about is that and you-" Mark stops, looks up at the ceiling then groans loudly as he rubs his face. When he looks back down he finds Donghyuck with his head hanging low and his fringe dangling from side to side covering half of his face. "Nobody had ever told you i bet, but i hope you know you're really selfish."

Donghyuck fists the bedsheets and bends over even lower. He wanted to disappear, jump into a hole and pretend nothing ever happened. But then again that was exactly why he was being reprimanded to begin with, he just didn't know how to fight those urges. Mark was right, nobody had ever been that frank with him, Jeno was too kind and his parents too benevolent, but he couldn't even deny the accusations. Mark had been either very dumb or very brave to be so honest with him, he had trusted him, out of idiocy or not, he still had. And yet he had replayed with a silence treatment that he couldn't possibly have guessed the meaning of. 

"I'm sorry." The boy whispers and slowly raises his head, he was scared of facing Mark but he couldn't hide away from what was happening. At the very least the rank one deserved an apology, a proper one. "You… Are right. Everything you've said, i know you're right. I didn't see it from that perspective, and i get how selfish that is but i was scared too."

"Scared of what exactly?! I literally told you i'm here because i got caught, how can you fear me ratting you out?!" 

"I don't know Mark! You could be lying, you could be a spy that was infiltrated here!" 

"Donghyuck you were the one chasing me, if i were a spy i'd be actively looking to hunt people down and not let them come to me, don't you think?" 

He hates how right the boy was, he hates that he hadn't thought about everything Mark was saying and instead took the easy way out just like usual. For someone who had gotten through all the mental trials, he sure felt stupid. But that wasn't new considering Mark was a rank one, of course his brain thought everything through in ways Donghyuck could never. 

The inferiority complex stung. He could feel his eyes begin watering. 

"Hyuck." Mark grunts desperately, then, when the other doesn't reply, gets on his knees and moves closer. "Why are you crying?" 

"Fuck, i'm not crying." He croaks out while cleaning the tears that had formed. There were too many emotions flowing inside of him, from frustration, to anger, to sadness, and none of them were aimed towards Mark. Donghyuck was angry at himself and how weak he had demonstrated to be, not even he thought he was such a coward. "I don't know what to say, that's the truth. I know you're right and i'm sorry i didn't see it from your point of view sooner."

Mark places his hand on Donghyuck's knee and, with his other free hand, forces the boy to look at him by wrapping his hand on the boy's nape. He smiles, weakly but it was there nevertheless. The angry flames that once danced in his eyes had completely disappeared and been replaced with a sympathetic and stern expression instead. 

"Not gonna lie, i expected you to fight back way more." He chuckles then pats the boy's knee. "It's fine, but i can't believe no one had ever dared to say the truth to you before."

"Guess that's my fault, i'm pretty spoiled in that matter."

Mark gets up to sit next to him, he looks at Donghyuck in pure silence and then sighs deeply. "Wish i could say the same, but then again i guess being told all of your flaws constantly does force you to be better."

"And what are your flaws then, Mark Lee?" Donghyuck asks, already feeling more and more like his usual self once more. 

"Wouldn't you like to know." The other smirks while looking straight into Donghyuck's eyes. 

 _There it is again_ the rank three thinks after many long seconds of nothing but silence and intense eye contact. He could already feel the pit of his stomach begin bubbling, a familiar feeling that he'd usually fight and run away from. This time around though he doesn't want to. It's Mark, Mark already knew about his dirty little secret, Mark who had been his first kiss anyways. He didn't have anything to lose anymore. 

His eyes flicker down, the boy observes Mark's lips for a short while before forcing himself to look back up.

They don't say anything, they don't need to. 

  


Donghyuck had never felt as suffocated in his life as when he finds himself allowing to show that much vulnerability alone with just Mark. 

There was no escape whenever he felt his body heat up at the tender caresses that the other would leave all over his skin, from the gentle press of his nails on the sides of his arms to the pecks on his collarbones. Many times the newfound sensations scared him, almost to the point where he felt bile rise up, but never once had he told Mark to get off him. Donghyuck was starting to become painfully self-aware of how much he actually enjoyed the other’s company, especially his affection. 

He bores his eyes on the ceiling, not that there was nothing interesting in there, he just needed something to focus on while trying to calm his fast beating heart that, inside the quiet room, seemed to be hammering inside his chest loud enough for the other to hear. But of course that too was just his brain playing games with him and amplifying his insecurities to create a problem when there was none. Just the typical, another one of his 'stupid defence mechanisms', as Jeno often called them. 

“Donghyuck.” His name echoes inside his ears but the boy doesn't quite process the sound until Mark repeats it once more, closer to his ear this time. “Donghyuck, hello?”

Finally he seems to snap out of his daze, his eyes focus on Mark who hovered above him with a worried look on his face that only made Donghyuck want to run away once more. He hated it, he hated it because he could feel his body melt against the other’s at the realisation that the emotions in those eyes were genuine. “Sorry, i got lost in it.”

Except Mark isn't rank one for no reason and Donghyuck knows that, he knows his excuse had not been convincing in the slightest and still the other doesn't push it. Instead, his lips find the tip of the younger’s button nose and leave a swift kiss there before Donghyuck could even make sense of the situation. Once again, he could almost feel the bile in the back of his throat from the way his stomach was twisting and turning. He wished he had it in him to throw the other down the bed for making him feel that way, but instead a lazy smile spreads across his face before he could suppress it. 

“Want to go?” The older whispers softly while trailing the moles on Donghyuck’s cheek with his index. When the other shakes his head, Mark's eyes widen filled with surprise making him look somewhat comical. “Oh.”

“You want me to?”

“No! I was just,” He stops and blinks a few times to make his eyes go back to their normal size — which, to be fair, was still pretty damn big. “I was pleasantly surprised.”

Donghyuck snorts loudly just as he latches his plushy lips against the sensitive skin of Mark's neck making the other hiss at the sudden contact. He closes his eyes and turns his head to the side slightly to leave more room for Donghyuck to roam about. Everytime the younger would lightly press his teeth down on the skin, a breathy gasp would leave Mark's mouth right away, and knowing this, Donghyuck ended up abusing his power a little more than he probably should have since the boy's neck had started turning into a shade of pink with purple hues here and there. Mark was definitely going to murder him the next day, or _well_ , later that day since it was past midnight already. 

A pair of hands latch onto Donghyuck’s waist and press the boy down onto the mattress, after a second or two of Mark staring into the other’s eyes, so intensely that Donghyuck felt flames would sparkle from their gaze, he starts moving lower leaving a trail of wet kisses all the way from the mole on the younger’s neck to his soft stomach. There, Mark has the time of his life making the other hiccup whenever he'd press his lips down on the spots he assumed were more sensitive — to Donghyuck's dismay, he ended up being right more often than not. He doesn't stop until he looks pleased with his doing, meaning, until the boy's stomach is adorned with trails of saliva and red spots. 

“You're insufferable.” Donghyuck mutters through his teeth and tries getting hold of Mark's head so he could tug at his strands until it hurt

“Clearly you like it.” The rank one smirks smugly as his hand brushes faintly just above the little bulge that had definitely not been there not even ten minutes before. Donghyuck raises his leg so that his knee hits right against Mark's guts making the other grunt loudly and fall to his side. “Asshole.”

“So are you!” Donghyuck protests with a scoff. 

It doesn't take long for the older to back to cradling Donghyuck and pulling his body closer though. Mark starts nuzzling his small nose on the crook of the other’s neck which completely distracts Donghyuck from the way the boy was languishly circling his hips to create some sort of friction. It's only when his body quivers against his will that he realises the reason why, but instead of wanting to stop it, Donghyuck wraps his arms around Mark's torso to pull him even closer. 

A strained whimper slips through Mark's lips, it echoes inside the room and then keeps playing in the boy's head like a sweet melody. Donghyuck feels as if his body had been engulfed by flames and they only got stronger and warmer by each passing second. It only takes one more vigorous lovebites from Mark to push him over the edge, and then the flames slowly fade away like a fire that had burn brought everything down to mere ashes. 

He's left starfished on the bed unable to move. His laboured breathing took far too long to return back to normal, and then as he came back to his senses, Donghyuck grimaces for his entire body felt sticky from being licked with sweat. 

Even with his hazy and tired vision, Donghyuck could catch a glimpse of Mark inside the bathroom moving around frantically. He hears water running and then the sound of the lights being turned off followed by Mark's feet hitting the hard floor. “Will you go now?” The boy asks as he wipes the sweat from Donghyuck’s face and torso. 

The other furrows his eyebrows and groans. “I should, i really should.” He mumbles while massaging his forehead.

“You don't have to though.” Mark says just as Donghyuck feels his zipper being tugged down alongside his pants and boxers. He hisses when the colder air comes in contact with his skin, and then hisses again when he feels the wet towel dab across the still sensitive area. Mark pauses and looks up at him to make sure he wasn't doing anything wrong before finishing his job and throwing the towel in his to-wash pile. 

“I don't have to. But chances or me being caught in the morning coming from this area are disgustingly big. And then what if people find it suspicious?!”

Mark takes a while to answer back, it seemed he was busy with something else which turns out to be finding some pajamas that Donghyuck could change into. “I will come up with a good excuse, or fairly good one. If it gets us out of trouble that's already good enough.”

Donghyuck sighs deeply but nods, truth was he was too tired to fight him on it. And if he was too tired to do that, there was no way he would have the strength to drag himself back to his dorm. So he grabs the pajamas that had been thrown at him and changes at snail pace. 

Meanwhile, Mark had already gotten ready and laid back on the bed where he watched the other boy from. His eyes follow Donghyuck’s every move until the other lies down next to him and sleepily pulls Mark closer until his head hits the other’s chest. He nuzzles his head against it like a cat and then, just like that, dozes off into deep sleep leaving Mark alone with his thoughts until he too felt his eyelashes started to become heavy. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :-)))) oop


	13. drowning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ❝ Sometimes one small gesture can give us the strength to do enormous things. A little generosity can unleash great tenderness leading in time to deep real love. And a single conversation can change your mind, a life. The world is no bigger than the people who inhabit it. And together or alone we are closer than we know. ❞

**D** onghyuck feels numb. The walk of shame isn't even shameful this time around. There had been no alcohol in his veins that he could blame, all that had happened, all he had done, came from nothing but his own wishes. 

The horrifying realisation that his attraction to Mark was indeed very much real and not merely some drunken illusion was somehow scarier than the boy being a spy — which was stupid considering getting reported could possibly ruin his life. Donghyuck had learnt to repress any romantic or sexual feelings all his life for he could never act on them, but now he could and he  _ had.  _ It was terrifying to let that beast out in the loose, he had never gotten that far, so what lay ahead was a big blur. The uncertainty made tears form in his eyes, suddenly he felt small, like a toddler scared of the dark. But there was no one to run to for comfort, not before he gathered the courage to come out to his best friend. 

He sighs deeply just before pushing the door to his room open and then closing it quietly behind him. The only sound coming from inside was the light snoring from one of the boys, but nothing about the whole ordeal was unusual to him now. And soon enough it'd all be over, he'd probably not see anyone ever again. 

The thought saddens him, no matter how much he tried he couldn't keep himself from thinking about it and making himself upset. Donghyuck was never good at letting go of people, hence why he often tried so hard to not get close to anyone. It hurt too much when they left. 

He decides to not dwell on it any longer and climbs to his bed. His limbs, which felt as if they were made of jelly, made it hard for him to push himself up the stairs but once he manages, the boy collapses onto the mattress with a huff. 

"Quiet." Renjun whispers yells from below. 

"Sorry sir." He jokes while trying to contain his laughter as Renjun curses under his breath.

_ I'll miss you too asshole.  _

  
  
  
  
  


His reflection is foreign to him now. It had been long since the boy had had the time for futile things such as worrying for his looks. If asked to do a self portrait, he'd straight out fail to recall how he looked like. Usually Donghyuck was the kind of guy that took great attention to his appearance, but there was no time with the trials and when the trials weren't around, he'd be too tired to care. 

So, as he stares at his body only covered by some measly red shorts that he'd been given, Donghyuck can't help but feel  _ weird.  _ As far as he could remember, his stomach was soft. Like a baby's stomach, not fat per say, but jiggly enough. That was not what greeted him in the mirror though, there were clear lines in his stomach and, as he pokes it with his index, he finds it to be rock hard.  _ Heck,  _ he wasn't even flexing. 

It shouldn't have come as such a surprise, after all it always happened to a degree every year after the trials, but never before had he looked like he went to the gym for a living. To be fair, this time around, he barely ate at all, just enough to get by, and the trials had increased in difficulty requiring more strength. Even his face looked sunken, his already droopy eyes looked even more prominent, and  _ Wait, is that a jawline?  _

"Hyung we gotta go." Jisung mumbles behind him and tugs at Donghyuck's pinky. 

And so they go, to put themselves through another trial yet again. 

  
  


_ Here's the thing _ , Donghyuck had almost failed to pass all his mental trials before. His enemy? Drowning. 

He supposed it had been one of those 'Get over your fears' sort of test, he had found himself trapped underwater and at the surface there was a ice sheet covering his way out. Not only his body hurt from the ice cold water, but he had only a seconds to find an escape before he'd drown. It was, for the lack of a better and stronger word, horrific, and he had only managed to make it through the trial just before his brain blacked out. 

So, yes, Donghyuck  _ does  _ fear drowning. And not just a little bit. 

"You look pale." Jisung points out with his eyebrows furrowed in worry. "You okay?" 

The honest answer was  _ no _ , because they had just been told they'd need to dive inside a deep pool and successfully get all of the items at the very bottom in one go. It wasn't nearly as bad as being trapped under ice, technically Donghyuck could swim back up if he felt himself running out of breath. But Donghyuck also knew he was very stubborn and just the idea of failing  _ now  _ annoyed him. Knowing himself, he'd probably rather pass out and drown than lose. 

Stupid, yes, but he couldn't help it. 

"I'm okay." He whispers to the younger boy and licks his lips. 

Donghyuck wished he knew when his turn would come, but sadly he didn't. He couldn't prepare himself mentally and seeing most people master the task in hand didn't help in the slightest. It'd be humiliating to be in the smaller portion of those who had been too weak, even though the truth was that nobody would remember who won and who failed in mere weeks time. But to him, he'd always remember, it'd haunt him. 

Then it hits him. He shouldn't even care, why did he care? For so long he had felt revolted against it all and now, just a week before it all came to and end, he suddenly cared if he won or not? The realisation hits like a tsunami against his chest, and yet he finds he can't make himself stop caring. He had been put through so much, the idea of failing now and being forced to return next year was exasperating. 

From the corner of his eyes someone catches his attention. Donghyuck could feel their gaze burn holes in his head and so he turns to look at who it was, it shouldn't have been a surprise to find Mark staring at him just a few meters away, but somehow it is and he can't help but react by looking down immediately. He already had so much on his plate to overthink, there was no way in hell he'd add a potential crush to the mix. 

He could deal with Mark later. Tonight, that is, otherwise if he started ignoring the boy again Mark was sure to flip on him. And for real this time. 

Plus, Donghyuck had promised himself to at least try to be less cowardly and self-centered.  _ Yes,  _ the Mark situation hurt his brain and scared the living  _ shit  _ out of him, but he had gotten himself into that situation on his own accord. It wasn't anyone's fault but his, so now he had to deal with the consequences. 

"Lee Donghyuck."

_ Fuck.  _ The boy curses in his brain. He had started overthinking instead of mentally preparing himself for what was to come and now time was up.  _ I'm so doomed.  _

Jisung pats him in the back and shoots him a reassuring smile, but Donghyuck can't even react to it all. He walks in autopilot mode to the side of the pool and stares at the water with unfocused eyes. 

Then it hits him. 

He  _ has  _ to do this. He's  _ going _ to. 

The boy raises his head and searches for a pair of familiar eyes in the crowd. Not Jisung's. Instead Donghyuck finds himself in need of Mark and his everlasting optimism, Mark who'd often tell him that he wasn't as insignificant as he'd like to think. And even though Mark was sometimes what made him feel so pathetically small, it was also the compliments which came out of his mouth that felt best. Whether it was because of his rank or another reason, entirely, Donghyuck didn't care. He just wished Mark could spew some speech right about then, just so he'd believe in himself and his potential. 

The fact that he finds himself needing and outsider to tell him he's good enough to get through things both annoys and disgusts him, but it didn't matter at a time such as that. Donghyuck was more and more coming to terms with the fact that he wasn't as selfless as he wished to be, and that it was okay to ask for help. 

And  _ damnit,  _ it was his worst fear  _ for fuck sake _ . 

Mark seemed surprised to be sought after but soon relaxes and smiles at Donghyuck. It wasn't a wide grin or anything, but not an awkward tight-lipped smile either. His small baby looking teeth flash for a few second before he nods reassuringly, and even though words would've done a way better job, Donghyuck finds that to be enough. 

"Are you ready then?" The coach asks impatiently.

The boy licks his lips and cracks his neck before getting into position. Just before launching his body forward, Donghyuck closes his eyes and sucks in a breath. 

Static. He snaps his eyes open and they immediately sting from being underwater so he tries to find the first object as quickly as possible so he could close his eyes as he swam towards it. Donghyuck grabs the rubber hoop and puts it around his wrist as he searches for the rest of the hoops, they were scattered all over the pool and one had been thrown quite far. If he wanted to come out alive and victorious he'd need to move way faster. 

Donghyuck closes his throat and begins moving his legs the fastest he could, if he focused on his limbs instead of the fact that he was unable to suck in a lump of fresh air, then it became easier to get on with it. When he grabs the four loops, Donghyuck looks over to the one further away and whines inside his head from how far it was and, for the first time, notices just how lightheaded he had become and how little air he had left. 

Time was ticking, he moves all of his limbs to move faster, the hoops hit against his bony arm from the harsh motions but Donghyuck could barely register the pain. His brain was too focused on the fact that if he spend more than ten seconds longer without inhaling oxygen, he might actually pass out. 

All of the air he trapped to remain inside his mouth is forced out against his will, not that it'd do much anyways but it feels like a warning — time was running out,  _ quickly.  _

His instinct is to breathe in when his lungs begin aching, but Donghyuck tries his best to stay focused. He reaches down to get the hoop and then nearly cries out when it finally gets put next with the other four. Now all he needed was one last push, just one more burst of energy to swim up and get it over and done with. 

Breathing almost  _ tastes  _ delicious. Like drinking water after a long night or eating a home cooked meal after spending months away from home. He lets himself float on the water with a goofy smile on his face as he inhales and exhales deeply, relishing the fact that he could breathe again. It felt like an eternity ever since he had done so. 

"How many Lee Donghyuck?" The coach shouts and the boy raises his arm to show the five rings around his arm. 

Some people cheer for him and then a loud whistle echoes inside the building. As he raises his head up to check who had done that, he finds Mark with his fingers in his mouth blowing as loudly as a proper whistle. Donghyuck barks out a laugh, a genuine one, and then Mark smiles back. He should've expected it, but everytime the rank one showed any sort of affection it still felt odd — but in a good way, he supposed. 

  
  
  
  


"You did great today." Mark says while watching Donghyuck enjoy the extra meal he had ordered. 

The boy raises his eyebrow and then snorts. "I did just as well as most people."

Mark sighs deeply, his shoulders sag down as if his soul had left his body and left it an empty carcass. "What's with you and hating to be average, average doesn't mean bad."

"I'm just saying, you said i did great, then did everyone do great?" Donghyuck fights back right away. 

"No because some failed."

The other rolls his eyes and returns to his food

He couldn't be bothered to fight Mark, to be honest no matter how happy he was that he made it through that awful trial, he was also exhausted both mentally and physically. Donghyuck wanted food, and a bed. To lay on, nothing more. Though knowing how things usually ended up lately when they were left by themselves… 

"Thanks for the support, by the way."

"Glad it worked." Mark grins. 

His heart aches. It's the exact same sensation of when he had been seven and Jeno suddenly kissed his cheek after they had managed to convince their parents to agree on a sleepover. Exact same sensation of when a cashier would touch his hand a second longer when handing him his change. Same exact sensation as when Jaemin would flash his perfectly white teeth at him. 

It aches, because finally Mark isn't just a rank one. He's Mark. Just a boy, an attractive boy with a heart of gold, being kind to  _ him.  _

Donghyuck bites his lips and closes his eyes before putting his chopsticks down and dragging the chair across the floor loudly.  _ Hell _ what did it matter if he did like Mark in that way, he kept going back and forwards with his feeling but the truth was that it didn't matter. In two weeks time he'd be back home, laying in his own bed, and Mark would be back home too, away from him. 

Pain is inevitable in one's life and Donghyuck knew he had been running from it from far too long. But maybe some pain is good, worth it. 

He's gonna miss Mark. Long for him at one in the morning when he can no longer slip in the elevator and give in to his wishes. 

So he thinks  _ why not?  _ Why should he feel embarrassed about the night before when they had both clearly wanted to give in? And why should he run for a chance at life of something he might never get again?

"I'm gonna kiss you now." Donghyuck warns as he crawls on the bed. 

Mark's eyes shoot open but, before he can even say anything coherent, Donghyuck already has his hand wrapped around the boy's neck pulling him closer till their breaths merge. They stare at each other crossed eyed before Mark tilts his head slightly and leans forward. 

The sensation is still so new to him, Donghyuck is addicted and even though they had already kissed more times than he could count, the boy finds himself still pulling Mark closer every time he backs off to breathe or check if Donghyuck was okay. He wants more. No. He  _ needs  _ more _. _

There's a sense of relief in the fact that none of what was happening was forever, or in any way serious. Just like drunkenly telling a stranger that you feel like shit and life feels pointless. Sort of like that. It leaves Donghyuck feeling shameless and careless of anything he'd do, because in the long run it didn't matter. 

So he kisses Mark, on and on until the boy ends up laying on the bed with him on top. Then he stops, both to breathe and soak in all in. The sight of Mark's dishevelled hair and rosy lips was sure to haunt him for years to come. "You're not even drunk." Mark points out while staring right into the boy's eyes. 

And  _ maybe  _ if this was another reality and if there'd be no ranks, no censorship of who they are meant to love that repressed every romantic fibre in Donghyuck's body, he might've replied "Drunk on you." But he doesn't. 

"Sure wish i was." Is what he says instead. 

"I'll get you something next time i get the chance." Mark runs his fingers through Donghyuck's hair to expose his forehead and then smiles softly. "Did i just create an alcoholic?" 

"You should take responsibility…" The boy feigns sadness while pouting cutely. "Now I'll end up under a bridge begging for money that i can use on some alcohol."

"Well if you end up in the Seoul streets hit me up for a drunken party then."

Donghyuck snorts. He lets his body flop down so he's laying on top of the boy as if he was a mattress and then moves so his head was right on top of Mark's chest. "That city is huge how'd i even find you?" 

"All paths lead to Rome."

"Uh?" 

Mark lets out a long sigh. "If it's meant to be, then you'd find a way."

He might've come to terms with the fact that he was attracted to Mark, but that didn't mean he didn't hate the way his heart hammered at the hint of any sort of sweet talk. Donghyuck breathes in deeply to force himself to regain his rationality — for if he followed his true wishes they might get into a dangerous minefield of emotions. 

"Do you ever think of how life will be like for you? Like… I genuinely doubt i could force myself into a marriage with a woman just to pass as normal." He asks after many minutes of peaceful silence. It had been a question he'd been thinking about ever since he found out Mark was just like him, because he always wondered if there were people out there willing to fight and attempt to live freely under all the censorship. Donghyuck didn't know exactly what he'd turn out to be, perhaps a singleton that'd be seen as unapproachable from how hard to get he constantly made himself out to be. 

He did know though that he'd refuse to force anything and to drag another person into his mess. It wouldn't be fair for the woman to live a life of lies just because he'd prefer comfort over integrity — which he, as matter of fact, didn't. If Donghyuck put comfort above anything he wouldn't even be there with Mark to begin with. 

"I don't know. I never think about it much, i just wait for opportunities to pop in my life and then decide what to do. Just like you. I never in my wildest dreams could've come up with this scenario and yet here we are." He lets out a breathy chuckle but the mood had clearly dropped. 

Donghyuck knew he couldn't be the only one to wonder how the future would look like in that aspect, and he was apparently right because Mark's posture to the whole question changes quickly enough. 

"To date a man though… I'd need to crazily in love with them to find it to be worth it. I made a mistake once, i can't imagine myself being so open like that ever again and that's actually really sad."

"Those fucking spies, i hate them the most. Have some dignity…"

Mark shrugs. "Some people are desperate for money i suppose, but i wouldn't be able to live with myself. Like, i don't know how it is in places such as those where you live but it's such a prominent worry in big cities. There's underground LGBT communities but they're very tight, 0it's awfully hard to get inside one."

"Have you?" 

"No, never even dared. It was my ex that spoke about it to me, probably to see if i knew a way in for some. No wonder he knew so much about the whole thing."

His stomach twists with both anger and disgust inside his body. He hated the government and the people in power for acting like their freedom was something they had the right to take away, but he hated nobody more than spies. As if being gay wasn't hard enough as it was, they on top of it all had to deal with the trust issues and constant paranoia that the people all around them were faking it. 

To be stabbed in the back like that, Donghyuck couldn't even imagine how he'd react. 

"I don't hate being gay, but  _ fuck  _ do i hate being gay in this society." He whispers sadly while staring at the wall, the soft beating of Mark's heart calming his own. Anger still bubbles inside of him, but at least right there and then he feels safe. And happy. Like society isn't real at all and he was free to be with anyone he'd like, because inside that room with Mark he felt sane and normal for once in his entire life. 

The rank one runs his hand up and down Donghyuck's back in a calming fashion and eventually lets out yet another long sigh. "Ditto, man. Ditto."


	14. tiktok

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ❝ Some of us are not blessed with revelations or confessions. Love cannot be spoken, only shown. And everything that makes the heart beat must be hushed. ❞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry for not updating all this time i was on vacation with friends and didnt find the time to write like.. ever, and then after that i had little writers block but i think i'm back and ill try to update next week!!

**D** onghyuck was a sentimentalist, not many people knew that. Jeno tended to forget how soft of a core his own best friend possessed, it was always easier to let out the rougher emotions and not the sadness or the affection. It felt wrong to be so open and honest, so vulnerable for the world to figure out who he truly was. So he hid under the thick shell of disinterest or bravery. 

That wasn't the real him. He had tried to change, but some traits were his by default, no refund. 

Days had gone by quicker than he had ever expected them to, and soon enough the trials had come to an end. As he walks back to his dorm after his very last trial, which he had succeeded to complete, Donghyuck can't find it in him to be happy.  _ Yes _ , he had finally managed to pass all of the tests, which meant next year he wouldn't need to come back, nor the year after, or ever again in fact. It was all he ever wanted, but his heart ached. 

It wasn't like he didn't know why. He did, but that only made it worse. It felt like swimming against the current, the end was inevitable no matter how much he tried to savour his last moments with his new friends. No piece of technology could ever be the same as the real thing, virtually hanging out with his roommates would feel odd after the little routine they had built. They were just  _ there,  _ they wouldn't talk much apart from when they gathered together around the same table during lunch and dinner breaks. Apart from that, they'd stay in their corner of the room in the comfort of each other's silent presence. How was technology supposed to mimic that, things would no longer feel effortless. 

Everything always has an ending, everyone knows that, it's just one of those rules that nobody can deny. Donghyuck knew that when a door closes another opens right after, but that didn't alleviate the aching inside his chest whatsoever. He had already mentally prepared himself to mope around for months before university started, nobody could talk him out of that one, not even his very much stubborn best friend. 

"What's gotten you so blue?" 

Donghyuck raises his head and finds Jaemin smiling while leaning against the wall just a few meters away. He had almost forgotten about the boy, which he would too, for some odd reason, miss a lot. "Nothing."

"Most people spend their lives in the system trying to finish all the trials, don't look so bummed out."

"I passed." Donghyuck blurts out like it's the most banal thing in the world, which it did feel like it was. Deep down he had always known the trials were stupid, but he too fell for the indoctrinated mentality that he needed to work harder, to be the best, hence finish all the tests. Now he had, where was his so promised ego boost? It felt like emptiness. 

"Fuck, you did? So i guess i won't see you next year then." Jaemin smirks but his tone seemed sad, or maybe even disappointed. "You finished before me, uh, rank three?" 

Finally, Donghyuck does crack smile. Now  _ that  _ felt good to hear. "It seems like i did, how do you feel about it rank two?" 

"I wasn't upset until now that i know i won't see your pretty little face ever again in my life." 

"Is this your way to ask for my social media?" The boy snorts, Jaemin was either stupid or reckless to be saying and acting the way he did constantly. It seemed to be a miracle he had lived for so long, Donghyuck would've assumed many people would've tried to report him to the authorities. Then again, Jaemin was a rank two, and everyone knew high ranking people were prone to being corrupt. His parents had probably found a way of not losing their child via bribing. 

"Maybe." He licks his lips and begins walking closer to the other. "Is it working?" 

Donghyuck rolls his eyes while smiling, Jaemin was too much of a flirt, to the extent where he wasn't sure if the boy did it on purpose or not. It was amusing after one would get over the initial shock and fear of playing along with his little games. "I sadly must admit it is."

Jaemin's face brightens up immediately and Donghyuck has to look down at his phone to calm his heart that had started hammering in his chest. 

It was pathetic, he knew. But nobody but him knew just how affected he got every time Jaemin did literally anything, and he was set on taking that secret to his grave. 

  
  
  
  


He's sitting on his top bunk, legs dangling as he looks ahead into the empty wall, when the door clicks open amd the frenzy begins. "Lee Donghyuck here you are!" Ten shouts at the top of his lungs. "Your not so little friend Jisung told us you passed all of your trials!" 

"And that you disappeared afterwards." Renjun adds quietly, but just loudly enough to be heard by Donghyuck. 

"You're a fucking genius dude, you gonna go out there and get a good job uh? Love that for you, but im jealous as fuck just so you know." Yuta adds and then slaps the boy's knee playfully. "You look like shit for someone who just basically won themselves a life of well payed jobs."

Donghyuck chuckles and attempts to kick the other but fails and instead gives Yuta the opportunity to wrap his hand around the boy's ankle and tug harshly. "Hey what was that for?" 

"You acting like an ungrateful bitch not even Renjun over here managed to pass all trials, like c'mon." He says earning him a blow in the ribs by the rank two's elbow. 

"I almost passed, i screwed up  _ once _ ." 

"Whatever, you'll be right back here just like us all next year." 

There it was, the annoying sensation that kept on forming inside his chest. Seeing his roommates bitter was too much of a familiar sight for his dramatic brain. "You guys i  _ am  _ happy that i'm finally done with this hell hole. It's just that…"

"That what?" Ten quirks his eyebrow and then, as the silence stretches for Donghyuck finds himself incapable of speaking, a smirk begins forming on his lips. "You gonna miss us? Is that it, Hyuckie baby?" 

"Don't call me that."

"He's diverging the subject." He grins smugly and then wiggles his eyebrows. "So it's true, Lee Donghyuck is sad because he's gonna miss us."

A wave of "Awww"s follows which only make Donghyuck want to crawl inside a hole even more. He couldn't even deny it. Lying is a sin or whatever, then again so is laying with a man so he wasn't exactly the cleanest dude. Not that most people even cared for religion anymore. Donghyuck certainly didn't. 

"It's okay we all exchanged social media Hyuckie booboo bear."

"What's up with the nicknames?" The boy asks exasperated. "It's just not the same, i don't know. And Renjun barely even uses his, like the rank two nerd he is."

"Hey!" Renjun barks with a look of someone who was ready to fight — after spending some months with him they had figured there was only two emotions that he was capable of demonstrating, disinterest and anger. 

"Stop being so negative, Korea isn't all that big okay we gonna meet up one day have a drink or two, go wild and reminisce the shitty trials we are put through." Yuta assures him with a paternal look ob his face that somehow actually managed to make Donghyuck start to feel better. 

"Yeah, none of us lives too far away from each other. It'll be easy peasy to meet up." Kun adds with one of his infamous kind smiles that always managed to brighten anyone's mood. "Don't be so bummed out about us it's not the end of the world, you deserve to celebrate the fact that you're freed form this hell hole FOREVER!" 

They all cheer, Renjun included, and this time around Donghyuck doesn't feel like crying when a wave of fondness hits him right in the chest. It would never be the same, that was true, and the promises of meeting up would probably be forgotten as time went by. But Donghyuck prefered to believe that everything would be okay. 

Because if it didn't, eventually he'd move on and be left with the memory of all those moments of great happiness. 

  
  
  
  
  


For those couple of months Donghyuck learnt a very important lesson. He should no longer underestimated his self-control and just how much power his rational side actually held upon him — which, apparently, wasn't very much. 

For weeks on end he'd beg himself to not end up trapped in Mark's embrace, to actually come just to chat and learn about things he was still so curious about, but each time his plans were flushed down the drain alongside his dignity. And it wasn't like the other manipulated him into it ever, that was the worst part. The only person to blame was himself, because no matter how much he tried to ignore it, Donghyuck couldn't deny that he craved for Mark's touches more often than he'd like. 

The boy was always so careful, so gentle, treated him as if he was made of precious glass. It made his heart ache. 

There was no talking anymore. Mark opened the door and, as soon as Donghyuck was inside and the door locked, their lips would already be connected, bodies locked on one another. 

The entire purpose of those meetings had gone right out through the window just like that but Donghyuck couldn't care. Not anymore. It was addicting, and even though he would find himself in Mark's embrace every night he still longed for more the entire day. It was a drug of some sort, the symptoms were all there. Even if he wished to back away he could not, and now he didn't even try to resist. 

With Mark's hand holding his hip and the boy's lips moving against his was when Donghyuck finds himself to be the most free he had ever been his entire life. He adores it, his soul feels content. The realisation that that was their last night, that he'd return to his ordinary life and have to yet again settle for romantic solitude due to the fear of being caught, overwhelms him. Tears burn his eyes and threaten to pour out af any second. 

Donghyuck pulls away with a soft gasp and remains quiet, panting as he stares intensely into Mark's kind eyes. It feels as if he's seeing him for the first time and, subjectively, the boy is quite attractive. His eyes were big gaving him a childish aura, and even though the rest of his face was taciturn, skeleton-like especially under the dull lighting of his room that highlighted every crease in his face, there was something about him that oozed innocence. He always looked tired, Donghyuck finds, as if he had something in his mind constantly worrying him. The only times he'd get to see Mark's true and carefree form was whenever he'd laugh — small nose squished, baby teeth on full display, giggling as lively like a child. 

It was scary to finally see the boy for what he truly was, a sad yet kind person that longed for the affection that he had been denied for his whole life. There was no more Mark, the rank one. It was just Mark. Mark Lee, his first. First  _ something.  _ Donghyuck was not brave enough to figure out what  _ something _ meant, it didn't matter either way, all of it was a dead-end. 

He places the palm of his hand right in the middle of Mark's chest and pushes him back, one step, two steps, and then the boy's calves hit the bed. Usually it'd be Mark all over him, Donghyuck always felt far too shy, but a sudden boost of adrenaline clouds his judgment. One last night, one last chance. With just another push Mark collapses on the bed with his eyebrows furrowed by the sudden dominance coming from Donghyuck, but he refuses to question it. 

The rank three crawls on top of the other and cages Mark's body by pressing his legs against the boy's torso. He leans forward to connect their lips once more as his hands roam all over the wide shoulders that he so enjoyed to bite and mark. There was so much he wished to say to him, but he wasn't courageous enough. The words were stuck in his throat, if only he would have a helping hand of some alcohol in his veins, maybe then he could actually articulate his thoughts. 

So he settles for attempting to show Mark through actions. All the times he had held back from caressing the boy felt stupid to him then as he pets Mark's soft cheeks before placing a soft kiss where his touch had been. It felt good,  _ amazing  _ even, to finally pour his affection onto someone like that. His heart sighs inside his chest, especially when the other smiles with nothing but pure joy. It was heartwarming to finally see nothing but happiness in Mark's tired face. 

_ Maybe in another reality, Mark Lee _ . 

He places a soft kiss on the boy's neck, then another, and another, until the entire area is covered so that he could finally begin moving lower to spread love further. The tiny sighs and giggles that Mark make as Donghyuck bites and kisses his shoulders were so cozy, pure, they make the boy want to hold him tighter and closer, to kiss him harder. 

Allowing such strong emotions to consume him without repressing in any way, shape or form was freeing. Donghyuck had learnt a whole lot about it too, never before had he considered the possibility of finding freedom in minimal things such as caring so intensely for someone who he should run from. In his mind, freedom was war, revolution, but kissing Mark with nothing but love was, in a sense, an act of revolution against everything he had been told since the day he had been pushed into the world. And,  _ God,  _ did it feel freeing. 

It had taken many weeks, many internal wars, but he had gotten there anyways. He had truly let go of his fears and hatred. There was no going back anymore, Donghyuck knew that deep down. Things would never return to the way they used to be. 

"Hyuck." Mark mumbles and when Donghyuck looks back up he finds the boy looking up at the ceiling with an unreadable expression. As he analyses his face more attentively, he finds that the corners of the boy's eyes glinted under the dim lights. 

He stops immediately and moves closer so hes hoovering right above Mark. "Did i do something wrong?" The boy shakes his head and closes his eyes, a single tears runs down his cheek and falls onto the sheets below. "What's wrong."

"Y'know." Mark croaks out weakly then bites down on his bottom lip. "Sorry, i'm being stupid."

"I'll miss you." Donghyuck whispers, eyes burning once more with newly formed tears. 

The other slowly opens his eyes that appeared to hold the entire universe in them from how sparkly they had become. "You mean it?" Donghyuck nods and a wide smile forms on the boy's face. "I was scared of saying it, i thought you didn't care." 

"I'm such a pain, am i not?" He snorts and so does Mark right after. "I know it took a while but i'm here, finally. A bit late, but still."

"It's never too late."

The boy places his right hand in Donghyuck's nape to pull him lower and kiss him so hard their lips hurt. It was different than any other kiss, somehow it managed to be even sweeter, more intense, filled with unsaid emotions. Suffocating in the best way possible. 

That night, Donghyuck knew, would be forever ingrained in his memory until he took his last breath on Earth. His mind was hazy, every touch and sensation almost didn't feel real, but it was the best night of his life. Never before had he felt so content, so relaxed and enamoured with life and everything that came with it. 

It made Donghyuck want to live harder, fight with more fervor. He was set on changing things even if it meant sacrificing his life.

And one day, if fate allowed, he'd find Mark Lee and thank him for being the catalyst of it all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again just a reminder that next chapter isn't the end of this entire story, i merely separated the entire thing into 3 bits because otherwise it'd be too long. ill explain better at the end of the next chapter in case some people still don't get it hhh


	15. the end, or a new beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ❝ Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between ends and beginnings. Conclusions do not always hurt, and starting afresh may not feel entirely happy. ❞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ END NOTES

**F** or the past hour Donghyuck had found himself lying awake against his will enough times to make him give up on trying to fall back asleep. 

He sits up and scans the room, part of him had made peace with the fact that things had reached their end, yet another, very annoying, part of him felt like sobbing while looking at Kun drooling all over his pillow — gross, but his sentimental brain somehow translated it all into  _ cute.  _

It was far too early, they had been given the entire day to leave which probably meant everyone (save for Renjun with his obsession with being punctual) wouldn't be awake for the next three or so hours. Donghyuck rubs his face with both his hands and groans quietly, there was nothing to do since his brain clearly had other plans other than allowing him to sleep his boredom away. 

He doesn't know how he manages to have the will to get himself off the cozy, warm bed onto the floor below, but somehow Donghyuck finds himself putting on some clothes and walking right out of the door. Staying in the room staring at the wall and depressing over the fact that he would never go back to the routine he had grown to adore while creepily staring at his roommates was not a viable option.  _ Clearly _ . At least he could try to look for something to entertain him for the next hours. 

The elevator arrives and Donghyuck hops in but, just as he's about to click the button that'd take him to the arcades and common rooms, he stops. Playing games alones had a certain appeal, after all he would win each and every time, but something, or rather someone, pops into his head at the very last second. 

Donghyuck wasn't good with goodbyes, technically he had already said his, left things romantic and dramatic like the books his parents loved to read to him as a child, but there was something in him that begged for more. He regrets not having listened to all the cliché quotes about love being like a drug because it was true after all, and Donghyuck wasn't even in love  _ love.  _ "Pathetic." The boy whines before slapping his cheek and instantly regretting all his life decisions. But still, even then, he doesn't  _ actually _ regret his choice. 

He wanted to see Mark, and he still could, it'd be stupid to deny his needs especially when he knew he'd mull over it for those next few hours. Who even cared about dramatic endings and cliché romance except for him, and his parents who had manipulated him into being obsessed with it too. 

The door slides open and the boy walks out. He remembers vividly the last time he had been there — with tears rolling down his face as he mumbled sad gibberish to himself. 

Donghyuck hesitates just before knocking, he knew Mark wouldn't mind, he was too kind to be annoyed at the sudden visit. The question was more of whether or not he had already moved on and accepted that he'd never see Donghyuck again, maybe coming back would make things awkward. Worst case scenario he'd  _ gently _ tell the boy to leave, which would most likely trigger yet another sobbing and ugly crying session in that exact same hallway. 

He knocks. Eventually. After a spur of the moment need for Mark's hugs which, for some reason, felt better than anyone else's (he's definitely not biased). 

"Donghyuck?!" Mark squeaks as soon as he swings the door open. His hair looked terrible —  patted down like a cow had licked it on his right side and poking in all directions on his left. He resembled a small kitty who could barely open his eyes yet, the tiredness was so obviously clear but still the boy was smiling. "That's… A surprise."

"Good one, i hope."

"The best."

He's blushing, he's sure of it. "I couldn't sleep and nobody is going to awake for god knows how long, i didn't plan to come i just sorta… Did."

"Slipped inside the elevator and somehow ended up here?" Mark jokes before dropping onto his bed with a loud thud. 

"Yeah more or less." He smirks. "Where do you keep the lollipops?" Donghyuck asks knowing full well his breath probably stank of death and Mark's as well. Another detail romantic books always seemed to skim over. 

After the other guides him to the candy, Donghyuck sits on the bed right next to him and hands Mark his favourite kind — strawberry. They remain silent for a while, savouring the lollipops like they hadn't eaten for weeks, before the rank three decides to finally lay besides Mark. "If i act weird it's because i barely slept and my brain is trying to mask the fact that i'm feeling like ass."

"Like ass?" 

"Don't make me say it." He whines but Mark gives his infamous puppy eyes, so he breaks. "Fine, you wanna hear it again. I'll miss everyone i bonded with, and yes that includes you."

The boy smiles so bright that Donghyuck can't find it in him to be annoyed. "It's always nice to hear it again."

"You're such a baby."

Mark snorts and then obnoxiously pops the lollipop out of his mouth. "Hyuck." He utters, hesitation clear in his voice. 

"Shoot, nothing you got to lose. Be honest, if you're about to say you've been a spy all along though i hope you rot." 

"Can you blow me off again? You never did it before but i kinda really liked it-" 

Donghyuck shrieks to cut the rambling off immediately but ends up choking on the popsicle in the process of trying to move to get in a better position to smack Mark. 

"That sound sure sounds familiar."

"I hate you."

  
  
  
  


It was already nine in the morning when they finally leave the room. Needless to say it was awkward as hell to walk side by side with Mark Lee on what Donghyuck still referred to as his  _ walk of shame _ . They had never been there together, he always left early morning before Mark (and everyone one) woke up. The boy felt overly exposed, if he was seen with the rank one at broad daylight then suspicious would arise, but Donghyuck was trying his best to remind himself that it didn't matter, that everyone would be too busy since they would all need to be gone by eight that evening. 

"This is weird." Mark chuckles nervously. "Just realised we never did this before."

"Yeah." 

Silence. The faint sound of the elevator moving fills the air instead, it was as if suddenly both had forgotten how to speak. Donghyuck had lots he wished to say to the boy which he had not yet managed to voice, and now it was too late. There could be cameras everywhere, though if anyone were to check the cameras he'd already be screwed for they'd notice his little visits to the rank one dorms. 

"Give me your phone."

Donghyuck snaps his head to the side in shock at the sudden demand. Mark's face is serene as he holds out his stretched out palm waiting for Donghyuck to obey. "And for what?" 

"Just give."

Hesitantly, he does, then watches as the boy begins typing on the screen. "Are you calling the cops on me?" Donghyuck jokes awkwardly when Mark flinches away at his attempt to check what he was up to. 

"No." The rank one finally responds as he hands the phone back. "If you ever wanna use it."

Donghyuck quirks his eyebrows before looking down at the screen. There he finds a number under a new contact labelled as  **Mark ^^** and his stomach drops. He hadn't expected the boy to want to keep in touch, his plan was to be seen as some trials fling to be forgotten. As much as being with him made Donghyuck feel good, he knew, and he thought Mark knew too, that it would never work out. Not in the current state of their country at least. 

"You look like you just saw a bug." The other teases light-heartedly. "It's just there, if you ever need anything. Nothing else, don't panic."

The door clicks open and a crowd of people quickly flood the cramped space and, as much as Domg hated having someone's butt right in his face, he was glad that he at least did not need to reply to Mark for he had no idea what to say. 

He did know, however, that somehow his heart had become lighter. And once more, for the thousandth time, Donghyuck refused to dwelt on what exactly those emotions could mean, instead he ignores it and focuses on surviving the rest of the trip without being suffocated by someone's bottom. 

  
  
  
  


They split up just as they enter the canteen, Mark shoots him a weak smile before turning his back and heading the opposite way. Donghyuck stays still, watching as the other disappears in the sea of people, then finally prepares himself mentally to spend the next thirty minutes finding his roommates. 

It's Ten who spots him first, the boy calls out for him so loudly that Donghyuck was sure the people at the very far corner of the building could've heard him. "We thought you had somehow already left, we saw your empty bed and-" 

"Ten got so mad he started cussing you, then Renjun spotted your luggage. Hilarious." 

"Shut up i genuinely thought he left without a last goodbye!" 

Donghyuck barks out a laugh as he sits in the empty chair next to Ten and then snakes his arm around the boy's shoulder. "How could i leave without saying goodbye to my favourite Hyung." He says in an overly sweet tone, making Ten roll his eyes. "Has Jeno showed up?" 

"Not yet, oh and Jisung came by asking for you."

"What'd you tell him?"

"To come by our dorm later or something, but you should go talk to him he seemed impatient. Have you not said bye to him yet?" 

He shakes his head sadly. "Haven't had the chance. I'll go after i eat something."

Instead of getting up to grab some food however, Donghyuck looks over to Kun with his best puppy eyes and grins widely when the other lets out an annoyed grunt. "Fine, i'll go get you something but just because you passed all your trials so you deserve it."

"You would've done it anyways, you're too good of a person to say no."

"So you do admit you're taking advantage of me."

"I think we all-" Yuta mutters earning himself a smack in the head from Kun. 

"Not so nice now uh?" The oldest grins proudly as he watches Yuta massage his head with a look of indignation on his face. 

"Nah, you're still  _ Kun-gentle-heart-boy-who-can't-say-no,  _ sorry buddy." Donghyuck teases smugly and cackles when the other glares at him, except even then he still looked inoffensive.

"You guys are unbearable." 

"You love us!" 

"Yeah." Kun huffs. "Unfortunately." 

  
  
  
  


All it takes is one knock at Jisung's door and, the next thing Donghyuck knows, he has the younger boy clinging onto his torso like a koala — which was probably an hilarious sight to a third party considering Jisung was much taller than him. 

"There you are!" The boy exclaims as he tightens his grip. "I thought we wouldn't get to say goodbye! I'm leaving in just forty five minutes… I was getting desperate." 

Donghyuck's face drops. "Already?" 

"Mom wanted to me home as soon as possible."

He had promised himself to not get sad that day and instead enjoy every second with a clear mind, but realising that in less than one hour Jisung would already be gone makes his heart ache inside his chest. Before he could contain himself, Donghyuck feels tears form in his eyes. 

"Hyung are you okay?" Jisung asks gently and rubs his friends shoulder. "Don't cry, if you cry i'll cry as well."

"I'll try my best." He chuckles sadly. "Are you done packing?" 

"Of course! Should we head there already? My roommates are inside andbit's a whole mess, everyone is trying to figure out which boxers belong to who. I already made sure nobody would accidentally take my dear possessions home."

 

By the time they get to the main entrance, Donghyuck's eyes had already dried up. Jisung was an amazing talker (even though it didn't look like it at first) and he had successfully managed to make him feel better by never letting the conversation die out for long enough to allow Donghyuck's mind to wander. 

Unfortunately, the sight of the buses makes it all come crashing down once more. Donghyuck steals a quick glance at the clock, which he would rather have not done, and realises forty minutes had already gone by just like that. He can't help it, when Jisung looks at him with sad eyes, tears begin rolling down his cheek like a cascade. 

"Hyuck-" The younger whines before pulling him closer and hugging him so tight that Donghyuck thought he might die on the spot from lack of oxygen inside his lungs. "We can see each other again, right? We can visit each other, we can talk online, please don't forget me."

"I won't, how could i?" He cries out pathetically, but the boy couldn't care anymore how it looked like to others. It hurt and he couldn't believe it was really happening, all his moping around for the days before couldn't compare to how it actually felt to let go. 

Jisung eventually lets go and looks right into Donghyuck's eyes then smiles. "Thank you, for being my friend." 

He grabs his luggage before the other snapped out of trance and heads to the nearest bus which was already surrounded by a large crowd. Donghyuck stands unmoving on the same exact spot, he finds himself unable to unfreeze as he watches his friend from the distance. His heart begins aching once again, more painfully now. Jisung waves at him before he disappears inside the bus, and that's when Donghyuck finally snaps out of it. A new wave of tears run down his cheek, making his face cold as the wind blows right past him. 

It isn't the end of the world, he knows. But his heart won't listen as it breaks inside his chest. 

Whatever God had decided to make him a big emotional baby was pure evil, if there was a complaint book Donghyuck would make sure to fill it up to its brim. 

With no one to turn to for comfort, he heads back inside, mind set on shoving as most affection on his roommates as he possibly could before Jeno came knocking on his door in a few hours telling him it was time to say goodbye for real. 

  
  
  
  
  


The sun was already touching the mountains ahead, preparing to hide for the night, when Donghyuck finds himself squished next to Jeno on the first bus they'd need to take to get home. 

Jeno too looked gloomy which definitely did not help his attempts at not crying yet again before he got to his room — it was humiliating enough to have shown his raw emotions so many times that day, at least in the privacy of his own room he could unleash the drama queen inside of him. 

His eyelids feel heavy but Donghyuck refuses to close his eyes for he knew his brain would create a personalised slideshow of all the most marking events of his time there, and then he'd be bound to make a scene yet again, in front of a bunch of strangers who would surely judge his puffy red crying face. 

"You okay?" Jeno whispers when the bus' engine starts. 

"Don't." He chokes out just as his eyes lock with the one person he wished to see the least at that very moment. "I'll cry."

Mark stands with his luggage at the entrance, in the middle of a crowd waiting for the next bus to arrive. Donghyuck can't find the energy to wave him goodbye, instead he remains still as he stares at the boy who smiles sadly at him. He had promised himself to not cry again, but tears begin forming albeit his efforts against it. He couldn't believe how much affection he had for Mark, a rank one, the same people he so much despised, or used to. 

Now he found himself unable to breathe properly as the sight of Mark becomes smaller and smaller, until he's ant sized, and then ceases to exist altogether. 

He looks ahead of him at a girl who looked like she was at the verge of falling asleep and then to his side at his best friend who had seemingly been observing the entire scene. They don't say a word, Donghyuck's throat closes on itself from both the sadness and now nervousness. Jeno's face is blank, wiped of any emotion for a few seconds before finally a smile begins forming. 

Donghyuck exhales then, he hadn't even noticed he had stopped breathing the entire time. "You know." Is all the boy says, all he needs to. 

Jeno merely nods and pulls his best friend into a tight hug. The tears flow right out onto the boy's shirt creating a wet patch on his shoulder, neither of them care though — Donghyuck was too busy relishing the freedom of finally having his secret out to one of the people he loved the most, and Jeno was too busy making sure the boy knew he still loved his friend the same way by gently caressing his back. 

His chest fills with an odd mix of emotions, caused by an odd mix of occurrences, it was confusing and terrifying but somehow it was as if life had finally started, as if the World had begun turning for him too.

Donghyuck feels alive. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys so i feel i didn't do my best with this ending and i'm sorry but i hope it's not too bad :-/ either way
> 
> so as you know, or should know, this IS NOT the end of this fic and i will continue it but i'll create a new work. but that won't happen right away, uni just started for me so STRESS!!! and i wanna try to get on with other projects of mine before i go back to this fic (my aim is to return before 2019 ends).... i will warn you when the sequel comes out by posting a new 'chapter' of this work with the link to the new work!! so subscribe to this fic if you wanna keep reading this story :D
> 
> thank you to everyone who commented and shared their thoughts it really motivates me to write, sorry if sometimes the writing wasn't all that great i try my best and yeah well i hope many ppl keep reading this story when i go back to writing it ^^

**Author's Note:**

> [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/aquadons)  [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/ultraviolentae)


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